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by R.J. Carter Published: March 13, 2008
As tonight's episode opens, we get to see more of the post-eviction havoc. Matt is in the back yard doing a victory lap, and Natalie is right at his heels like a little puppy begging for attention. "I did good, didn't I master? Huh? Didn't I do good? Pet my head? Pet my belly? Huh?" Actually, what she really says is, "You think I'm not gonna tell my partner," when she talks about being let in on the Backdoor Matt plan. Apparently she didn't get the memo from Big Brother about the Great Divorce. Perhaps she was in the bathroom. Perhaps she was distracted, gazing into Matt's eyes. Either way, she still wants to be attached to him at the hip. In the house, however, things are of a decidedly different mood. Josh is almost searing his silhouette into the couch as he sits there seething. But at least he's not moving. Chelsia, on the other hand, is up in the HoH room reading Ryan the riot act. "Do not, do not, play me for a ******* fool in this game!" She's getting bleeped right and left. Ryan reminds her that he let her win the veto, because he could have taken that away from her instead of taking Sheila's ten thousand dollars. Matt then comes in and tries to smooth things over with Sheila, stating that it isn't her that he has any gripes with. Apparently he's picking and choosing which members of the anti-Matt squad are the responsible ones. Afterward, we see Ryan and Joshuah meet in the HoH room alone, and Joshuah is surprisingly -- frighteningly, even -- calm and collected. Ryan tells him that there was a good reason to put Joshuah up on the block, but that he was honoring his earlier deal with Josh about not putting him up. Whether Joshuah buys it or not, he certainly keeps his facial expressions in check. Sharon is convinced that she's going to the Jury House tonight, until Natalie tells her that she's staying -- that they want James gone. Sheila backs this up, and Matt DRs that he included James in his little bros-before-hos club only to learn that "he was trying to overthrow the king!" As half the house sits in the backyard sunbathing, Chelsia and Joshuah come out to join them. Like wolves, they flank Sheila and take up positions on either side of her. They're feign politeness to her, and the passive/aggressive battle begins. But Joshuah can't stay that way for long, and starts to morph into psycho-Josh until Sharon stops him. She won't let him blow up, and DRs that people are starting to get scared of Josh's outbursts. Joshuah DRs that if you really want to set him off, try to shush him. Regardless, Sharon's efforts work and another BB riot is avoided. Now that the plan to evict Matt out the backdoor has fizzled, Sharon reveals to Sheila about the time Matt spent kissing with her, back when she and Joshuah were co-HOH. It was, she said, the only time in the game that Matt even gave her the time of day. It's all giggly girl talk about Matt playing people after that... but Sheila does no doubt exactly what Sharon thought she would: she goes and tells Natalie. Now, any reasonable compulsive/obsessive stalker, upon learning of such unfaithfulness, would go to the kitchen, grab the icepick, and begin torturing the love of her life. But not Natalie. No, her solution to the problem is... get rid of Sharon! "Sharon's sneaky but deadly," she says. She DRs that she's wanting to vote to keep James because Sharon and Matt are getting close. Sheila then passes this plan on to James, letting him know that the two of them have his back. They give him their word, and he gives them his. The only problem here: We already know what James' word is worth. Matt then decides to confer with his "partner" and confirm that James is out the door. So Natalie channels the emotions of Eliot Spitzer's wife and asks him, "Are you with me to the end, or are you with her to the end?" He pulls her aside then for a more private chat. "I'm not going to explain this, because you're not going to believe me," he says. He tells her flat out that he does not like any girl in this house. "I'll vote her out too -- is that what you want?" he says to Natalie, claiming he'll switch to voting out Sharon. Well of course that's what Natalie wants -- (but not like this! Not if you're going to get all mad at me. Oh, don't get mad, Matty -- it's all my fault. I'm sorry. Please don't be angry with me for being jealous and for coming up with my own plan and having a thought in my little old female head.) Matt tells her that if she doesn't want to be with him, then she's against him. It's official. The terrorists have won. Julie Chen reminds us that the houseguests have already cast their votes, so we won't have that live vote tonight. In the Diary Room, Chelsia says she wants Sharon out (apparently because she reads the Bible), Adam has strategic reasons for evicting both, and Matt wants James gone because "you can't trust a kid with a pink mohawk." The Return of... We learn that the six evictees have been living in separate sequester houses. Jacob is alone, praying to his Bible and professing his love for Sharon, declaring that if he went back in the house, he and Sharon would definitely spice things up. (Boy, do I get a serial stalker vibe off this guy, or what!) Jen and Parker are in a house together, as are Alex and Amanda (who are definitely not getting along!) Allison's in her own house, and says she deserves to get revenge. I don't know about "deserves" but, boyoboy, I'd sure have fun watching it! The evictees are all reunited in the studio, and Jen is surprised that Ryan isn't with Allison, this being her first inkling of the Great Divorce. Julie then tells Jen and Allison that Ryan became HoH last week. We start to get a response from Allison, but Big Brother mixes up the microphone feeds, so we see Allison but hear Matt talking about the bathroom. America may have selected one of the evicted hamsters to return to the house, but the houseguests will get the final say. Once they have the eviction ceremony, the hamsters will be told what is up -- but they won't be told who America selected. They will then have a live vote to determine whether they want the just-evicted houseguest back, or the one that America selected. And the houseguest America selected is Alex. Well, that's no fun. However, of all of them, he's probably the one who got the least fair shake in this deal, being evicted mostly because of the actions of his partner, Amanda. (Parker being an almost identical second place in that department.) Before we get to the first eviction, we hear more of the houseguests DR opinions. Natalie wants to get Sharon out "because she's sneaky." Sheila wants Sharon gone too, but reasons that Sharon is a woman and the females, perhaps, ought to stick together. Joshuah trusts Sharon 100%, but says she's easily intimidated and manipulated.
The eviction ceremony is kept short and sweet. It's 5-1 to evict James. Since Chelsia is the only one getting up to hug him, it's apparent that neither Sheila nor Natalie had his back after all. But hey, James, they just did what they had to do to play the game, right? Chelsia is bawling to see him go, while James is telling Julie Chen that this is a house full of people who don't stick to their word -- and that he had asked them all ahead of time to stay seated if he got evicted because he didn't really want their goodbyes. James also tells Julie that he thinks Sheila is playing the best game, remaining low key and making all the critical moves, playing people. James also really likes Chelsia and wants to hang with her outside the house. But when Julie plays Chelsia's goodbye message, Chelsia drops a bigger "L" word into James' lap! Julie asks about that, but James deflects. "It's a different kind of love." So "really like" is good enough, but "love?" Then Julie lets James know that this may not be the end of the line for him, and he says that he's about to crap his pants. Julie tells him to "keep it clean" (not the last time she'll have to remind him of that tonight) and explains the game as she's already explained it to us. In the house, the siren goes off, and the startled houseguests rush back to the living room amid whispers of "He's coming back." Julie explains the rules again, and shows them a big blue box containing the mystery houseguest. Julie has to repeatedly tell the houseguests to quit talking so she can explain, much like a first grade teacher to a class after the room mothers have fed them cupcakes. Here's the way the votes break down: Ryan (always a shaker-upper), Matt, and Sheila vote to bring in the Mystery Houseguest. However Chelsia, Joshuah, Natalie, Adam, and Sharon all vote to bring back James. I wonder what Big Brother had planned in case of a tie, which is what we'd have had if Matt and Natalie had voted the same as they always do? Head of Household Competition James is now back inside the house, just in time to compete for HoH. There's not much to tell here, because it's going to be an endurance challenge. Outside, the hamsters must stand on a little disc over a disco ball. They cannot kneel, sit, or crouch -- they must stand. Then the discs are hoisted into the air by the squeakest wench ever devised, and they are slowly raised, lowered, and spun as though they were all riding some 1970s trendy calliope. After a bizarre cut to one of the hamsters in the house, we're back in the back yard just in time for the champagne cannons to go off and begin drenching the houseguests. James is already talking smack about how great it is to be back around all the people who voted him out, and Natalie asks if they can drink the champagne being shot at them. "Only at your own risk," says Julie. Duh. Like Big Brother's going to shoot real champagne? You're lucky if it isn't just soap water. Sunday night we'll find out who was the last houseguest standing, and the winner of this week's HoH. Previous Recaps: March 11: The Back Door Shuffle March 09: Since I Don't Have You March 05: The Great Divorce March 04: The Many Faces of Matt March 02: Hell Hath No Fury Like a Princess Scorned February 27: Josharon Fit the Battle of Big Brother: From POV to HOH February 26: Is There a Doctor in the House? February 24: Operation: Condor Takes Flight February 20: Psst! My Boyfriend is a Racist! February 19: If I Can't Have You... February 17: Facades, Fakers and Foreskins -- Oh My! February 13: Jacob's Trouble, Woes of Sharon February 12: Cold Hands, Warm Hearts |
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