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by R.J. Carter Published: February 1, 2009
It's another year and another chance for the advertising moguls and media consultant gods to strut their stuff during Super Bowl XLIII. Yes, it's that moment we've been waiting for all 2008, and now it's here -- the 2009 ADVER BOWL! Will the Clydesdales and Dalmatians retire now that InBev has bought out Anheuser-Busch? Will the economic recession result in a lesser 30-second bang for the several million bucks? And who, if anyone, will walk away with this years MVA (Most Valueable Ad)? From coin toss to final buzzer, we'll be with you all the way, breaking only for interruptions from the game being played by the Pittsburgh Steelers and Arizona Cardinals. Conan O'Brien doesn't do commercials, but gets talked into doing one for Bud Light in Sweden. It's predictably awful, and turns into an international hit and embarrassment. I don't know -- is making an intentionally bad commercial for a commercial really a wise strategy?
The Toyota Venza may exemplify all of you, but it exemplifies the boredom out of me. One of many reminders that Chuck will be broadcast in 3D tomorrow night. Not 1D as he accidentally makes it in this spot. Bridgestone Tires come out of nowhere with this eye-catching and humor-grabbing ad as Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head go for a drive. She's yakking his ears off about his driving, until he brakes for a herd of road-crossing sheep. The tires really grip the road, and the inertia sends her lips flying out of the car, muting her. He snickers, despite her putting on her angry eyes. Really gotta love this one. Movie Trailer: "Fast & Furious" -- was it just a blip in the action, or is this film going for a different demographic with some girl on girl action? Okay, if you really get a group of grease monkeys when you buy Castrol Edge, I'll take two cases. Monkeys are always cool, but this "strange days indeed" ad just doesn't have enough umph to put it over the top. Movie Trailer: "Land of the Lost" stars Will Ferrell, turning the Sid & Marty Krofft adventure series into a comedy. Doritos starts its new ad off by winning the award for HOTTEST COMMERCIAL EVER when a guy crunches into a chip and blows the clothes off a passing girl. He can also blast money from the ATM and turn a cop into a monkey. Too bad his bag empties out before he can use his new power to save himself from being hit by a bus. As if on cue to steal the HOTTEST COMMERCIAL EVER award from Doritos' hands is GoDaddy.com. When a kid gets his own domain name through GoDaddy, he shows off how he can do anything online -- which includes making Danica Patrick want to take multiple showers. Like last year, the ad has a "shocking conclusion" for which you must go to the website to view (hence why we've provided the link -- but click at your own risk). Guys keep getting whacked in the head and getting up saying, "I'm good." Why? Because men can take anything except the taste of diet cola. That's why Pepsi Max says it's the first diet cola for men. Good if you like Three Stooges style humor. People with exotic wild pets like rhinos, warthogs and bison learn the hard way: "Maybe you should get a dog?" Pedigree dog food supports dog adoption with this spot. When a dalmatian fetches a stick, he gets a treat. Not to be outdone, a Clydesdale runs off and brings back a tree branch. Budweiser continues to show off its chops this year. Budweiser comes back with another horse story, as Daisy the dancing horse is taken away from her big loverboy. He decides to go after her and travels through country, city, and leaps canyons while we hear "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" until he reaches the circus where she performs, and they run away together. Movie Trailer: "Star Trek." Oh. Hell. Yeah. Several talking heads extol the virtues of "G." The website is MissionG.com, and I think it's for Gatorade. It's a pretty obscure message for an advertisement. The life story of David Abernathy is one of confidence, starting as a newborn when he congratulates the doctor on a delivery well done through performing open heart surgery with a ballpoint pen. But his confidence wavers when he has to buy a car. Thankfully, Cars.com is there to help him get his confidence back. Not a lot spent in production value, but some cleverly told tales in this one, which is sometimes all you need to be remembered. Japanese and German automakers are in an uproar. Why? Because the Hyundai Genesis was awarded "Car of the Year." The creepy E*Trade talking baby is back, and he's got a buddy with him this year, who hams it up for the camera by singing. Movie Trailer: "Up." Pixar returns with another animated adventure, this one about an old man who flies away in his house thanks to lots of helium balloons and some sails. Bud Light may have drinkability, but this ad where a man draws obstacles on a ski course doesn't have much watchability. Death has had his taxes re-checked at H&R Block, and he's not very happy with his old tax guy. Funny situation, which could have had a bit more done with it. Diane gets flowers delivered -- in a box. The flowers immediately start talking to her, in front of her friends, saying very unflattering things. Having bought these flowers in a box before, I concur -- go with Teleflora and have a nice, live delivery. You may have thought Jay Leno was retiring, but he's actually moving up in the world -- and up in the schedule. His blue sports car advertises 10, 9 central, with "Fall" plates. Keep watching for more of Jay in the future. A CGI Chester Cheetah looks more than cheesy in this Cheetos commercial -- he comes across as a bit creepy and lecherous as he inspires one girl to launch a sneak attack on a chatty neighbor at a cafe by tossing a handful of the cheesy snacks under her chair, causing pigeons to attack. And that accounts for the first half of the AdverBowl. For those curious about the football stuff, it's Pittsburgh over Arizona, 17-7, and everybody's talking about the longest return run in Super Bowl history. But that's not why we're here, is it? So onward to the second half and... Movie Trailer: "Monsters vs. Aliens." It looks cute, it looks CGI, and it's in 3D in this commercial. Will likely be a blockbuster, so watch for more ads to come. This leads into another 3D commercial, this one from Sobe. Football players dancing ballet in white tights are joined by lizards and characters from "Monsters vs. Aliens." You could throw in the Budweiser Clydesdales and the GoDaddy girls, and this commercial would still be totally gay. What if roadies ran the world? Well, airline takeoffs would totally rock, and they'd also go off on time thanks to their walkie-talkie cell phones from Nextel. The cast of Heroes play football against NFL pros -- but one of the NFL players has super powers! "I knew he was one of us," says one of the Heroes. The new season debuts this week, and it looks like a remake of "X-Men: Extinction Agenda" to me. The aluminum transmission block is durable and resistant, as this Toyota Tundra works very very hard in this ad. When a family can't afford to go on vacation, it's William Shatner, the Priceline negotiator to the rescue! With a surreptitiously provided earpiece, the Asian American husband starts talking just like William Shatner as he repeats what he's told to his wife. That's the language of the deal. Carlos Boozer buys a lot of bling from Overstock.com and has to explain it to a group of kids. Meh. A young boy dressed up as a colorful superhero runs through a drab world until he's seen by his adult self. "Your inner hero is calling" is the message of this ad from Universal Orlando Resort. People are losing their butts, suffering from LMAO Syndrome caused by watching NBC Thursday Night comedies. Interesting graphics on this one. Cargill borrows the idea of the ice cream truck for animal feed deliveries in Poland. It's good for the farmers, and the animals are happy, too! Coca Cola enters the game late, with this spot where everyone's online avatars come to life and walk through the real world. When two meet over a Coke, they transform back into their real bodies, and are "Strangers no more." Get offline and drink some Coke? Okay by me. Buggy racing on the moon is followed by two astronauts getting jiggy with some dancing. But when they come back, they find some aliens have boosted their tires. That's how highly sought Bridgestone is throughout the galaxy, I suppose. Uh-oh. Benny talked. It's time for these hit men to do something about it. But they can't talk because the waitress keeps decorating their pancakes with silly faces. "Time for a serious breakfast?" That's what Denny's asks, but, really -- if it stops a mob hit, bring on more berries and whipped cream, okay? But the real message is that this Tuesday they're giving away free Grand Slam breakfasts between 10 and 2. So go get one. Just don't plan any hits, okay? While the boss sits under a moose head, on the other side of the wall a work sits under the moose's ass. Need a new job? Monster.com is there to help. A Clydesdale's tale starts in Scotland, when he emigrates the United States. He takes a number of jobs that don't work out, until he finds his true calling. Three generations later, Jake is running in his footsteps. Budweiser wins the Irony Award with this one, proclaiming "I love this country" after having been sold to Belgian brewing consortium, InBev. Movie Trailer: "Race to Witch Mountain" finds Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson continuing his family-friendly movie streak for Disney. Movie Trailer: "Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen" looks to have a lot of carnage and metal action. CareerBuilder.com outdoes it's monstrous competitor with this laugh-out-loud funny commercial that continuously builds on a bad situation, which includes punching a koala bear. Time for a new job? Hit CareerBuilder. The Coca Cola production machine hits full tilt with this latecomer. Grasshoppers, bees, a ladybug and other insects make off with a sleeping picnicker's bottle. The way they open the bottle is funny, and having the butterflies camouflaging its absence was a stroke of genius. Very nicely done overall. On the right field, you can grow something amazing. Kellogg's Frosted Flakes is rebuilding playground baseball fields all across the country. Visit FrostedFlakes.com and find out where. Celebrities like Martha Stewart and Adam Sandler talk about Conan O'Brien like he's a commercial commodity. And, I suppose he is, but... again... meh. Yikes! Ostensibly the least creepy plastic-head-wearing fast food mascot, Jack-in-the-Box's Jack gets hit by a bus! It doesn't look good! Give him a get well wish at Hang In There Jack.com. The Hyundai Assurance program promises that if you lose your income you can return your purchased or leased Hyundai without a hit on your credit. Guess they have all the confidence in the world that the economy is turning around, eh? Coca Cola goes for the trifecta this year with this Coke Zero ad which totally remakes the Mean Joe Green classic. But the Coke brand managers are there to thwart it! "They stole our taste, they're not stealing our commercial!" Well... yeah, they are, with a nicely done ending. For the older viewers who remember, this one steals the show. Cash4Gold gets a boost from Ed McMahon, who shows all his gold items he can melt down for cash -- right down to his gold hip replacement and gold toilet. Vizio talks directly to the viewer about it's televisions, directing you to check out their 55 Inch Million Dollar Event. When the girl says to call him, she didn't think he'd call her five seconds later, asking her to a dinner he already had on hand. That's how fast Taco Bell delivers, and his parents are introduced while they eat. "The Wizard of Oz" gets a cyber-modernization as the updated Scarecrow sings "If I Only Had a Brain" while dancing across high-voltage power poles. It's about Smart Grid technolgoy from GE. Now if it'd been my local power provider, I'd have suggested the Tin Man singing "If I Only Had a Heart" about their continually increasing rates... Alec Baldwin reveals he's an alien with an evil plot -- to turn our brains into mush by having us watch too much television. It's a goal that comes closer to fruition with the help of Hulu.com, where you can watch episodes on your computer, for free. Okay, what the heck is MacGruber? Ah, it's a last-ditch effort from Pepsi to win the soft-drink battle through a remake of an 80s television show. Unfortunately, it's more contrived than an actual episode of the series it's spoofing. With the two minute warning sounding, the Arizona Cardinals are up over the Pittsburgh Steelers, 23 - 20, overcoming the largest deficit in Super Bowl history. But more importantly, COCA COLA is currently winning Adver Bowl XLIII. But could there be an overtime yet to be played? Bud Light Lime shows a bubble of summer walking through a dreary winter scene. This one is very cool... er... warm? GoDaddy.com shows up with their second slightly inappropriate ad. The Major League Enhancment commitee is interrogating girls about enhancments, including Danica Patrick. When she admits she's enhanced her image by getting a domain through GoDaddy.com, another girl decides to show off an enhancment of her own. You'll have to visit the website to see how the advertisement plays out. And that's it for this year. Apparently the football game was a real squeaker, with the Steelers pulling it out at the end with a 27 to 23 victory over the Arizona cardinals; but not so the Adver Bowl. Coca Cola execs have to be smiling with this year's victory, with three very creative ads taking away this year's MVA award. |
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