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Rating: Country: USA Release Date: February 24, 2009 Distributor: MTI Home Video Director: · Joone Cast: · Jesse Jane · Evan Stone · Tommy Gunn · BellaDonna · Shay Jordan Related Sites: · IMDb: Pirates II: Stagnetti's Revenge Grade: D+

It would be silly to point out the unlikelihood of plucky pirate lasses running about with big fake boobies, or some of the vernacular anachronisms, such as the word retard or other more anatomically explicit nomenclature that likely didn’t come to be until more recent centuries, as this decidedly adult “Pirates of the Caribbean” knock-off is far from interested in educating the audience in historical tidbits. Instead, it seems to be focused on catering to mainstream viewers by editing out sequences of fornication and spending oodles of money on visual effects.

As the film is still laden with endless exposition, cheesy dialogue, atrocious editing, acting that doesn’t always follow the purpose of a scene, and bizarre coverage, it is unlikely that this film will “cross-over” to anyone other than some folks who are titillated by the notion of porn, but above purchasing it.

Starting in where the original “Pirates” film left off, some evil Pirates intend to resurrect Stagnetti (Tommy Gunn), while Jules (Jesse Jane) and Captain Edwards (Evan Stone) accept a mission to save a maiden from execution.

Along the way they purchase whores, battle monsters and occasionally screw strangers in not entirely believable scenarios. Nothing here is particularly interesting, intelligent, or imbued with any sort of subtext outside of some rudimentary notions of good and evil.  An Asian masseuse offers "massages" to various crewmen, and Jules is given a truth serum that makes her horny.  It's really what one might expect from a production of this nature. 

For those who might seek out a title such as this for the sake of amusement, it isn’t particularly funny on a “Mystery Science Theater” commentary level, which is disappointing, as that is what this reviewer was hoping for. Some of the “acting” and ideas of foreplay prove mildly amusing, but mostly the film just gets tired after about twenty minutes. Perhaps those familiar with the performers might get a kick out of watching them play legitimate, as any in-joke humor is lost on the casual observer.

Checking out this movie for the purpose of senseless arousal would be a waste of time as well, since there’s more nudity and sexuality in the typical French art house film.

These many inherent and expected flaws aside, this is certainly an ambitious production for this industry, as the visual effects, which compare with most Sci-Fi Original movies, clearly took some effort and cost, as did the costumes.

According to the press notes the DVD includes a “Making of FX” featurette, the “Pirates I” premiere party, some rated trailers, stars audio commentary, deleted scenes, bloopers and a featurette on the many wins that the original “Pirates” film garnered at the 2006 AVN awards. This reviewer will have to assume that these features are in the final product, as the disc shipped had none of this included.