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Rating: Country: USA Release Date: August 11, 2009 Distributor: Paramount Cast: · Shenae Grimes · Tristan Wilds · Jessica Stroup · Rob Estes · Lori Loughlin · AnnaLynne McCord Related Sites: · IMDb: 90210 Grade: C-

Following the unprecedented, and truthfully amusing, success of Degrassi: The Next Generation in Canada, it seemed only inevitable that networks would start rebooting night-time soaps, especially given how effective recent Sci-Fi re-imaginings have fared, Bionic Woman aside. This coupled with the fact that cultural superficiality is at an all time high, leaves a 90210 remake not only logical, but a thing of business marketing genius. People are no longer embarrassed to watch mindless guilty pleasures that exploit “issues” and preach mindless heteronormative assimilation, they’re downright proud of it, and furthermore, are taught to embrace that ignorant pride and defend it through all means necessary.

To be fair, the 90210 remake is quite successful in its efforts to re-create the dynamic of the original cheese-fest, with kitschy drama and crappy dialogue to boot. Everyone is dressed to the nine’s in the latest fashion accessories (which we will all laugh at in ten years, given that all the girls look like drug-addicted hooker bag ladies), while top 40 hits blare in the background. Dr. Pepper advertisements are visible in virtually every scene of the show, and episodes barely stretch beyond the 40-minute mark, given how inundated with key demo marketing the series really is. Said simply, this show is the epitome of corporate advertising and moral righteousness for a new generation of worker bees and breeders. If nothing else, 90210 has done its part to ensure that the status quo is maintained, while dippy teenagers discover a sense of comfort in their lack of discernment and inability to interpret anything outside of collective ideologues.

The first season of the teen drama plows through issues like an afterschool special on meth. Inter-racial families, HIV, teen virginity, drug usage, alcoholism and the work-study balance are just a few of the morality plays that highlight each indistinguishable episode to the next. Each vapid stereotype trudges through their collective dialogue—as there is virtually no difference in perspective, vocabulary or lexicon amongst the cast—with the typically whiny aplomb, taking comfort in the fact that very little is asked of them, other than starvation, so they at least “look” the part.

Like the original, the series starts with a wholesome family moving from a rural community to Beverly Hills, only to discover a culture shock with all the glitz, glamour and mass stupidity. Here, Harry Wilson (Rob Estes) has taken a job as high school principal where his teenaged daughter Annie (Shenae Grimes), and son Dixon (Tristan Wilds), will attend (his wife Debbie, played by Lori Loughlin, does something vague involving photography). Off the bat, Annie discovers that Ethan Ward (Dustin Milligan), a brief childhood crush, is a bit of a man-whore, dating Naomi (AnnaLynne McCord), the typical rich bitch, when not getting anonymous hummers in his jeep. Unable to get past her feelings entirely, Annie holds a quiet flame for Ethan, while befriending his girlfriend, which as we all know, will lead to drama.

Meanwhile, Kelly Taylor (Jennie Garth) is conveniently the high school guidance counsellor and has a spicy little sister named Erin (Jessica Stroup), who has a gossip blog.

Toss in a drug-addicted child actress (Jessica Lowndes), a young, hip and promiscuous teacher (Ryan Eggold), along with the ever troublesome Shannen Doherty, and histrionics ensue. Best friends are betrayed, virginity is lost, cocaine is snorted and catty name-calling gets out of control.

Considering the fact that these teenagers have established behaviours unlike any teens on the planet and the Lori Loughlin/Rob Estes relationship is illogically wholesome, the series exists in bizarre constructed reality that leaves the audience knowing that serious issues will always have a safe resolution. Plotlines rarely make sense and people change their tune far too frequently at well-placed speeches. It’s a like a surreal, hyper-realized satire of the American dream, and is likely perceived as such by the French.

Included with the 6-disc DVD box set are a variety of generic special features, exploring the fashion, the music, the sets and the series creation. For example, Dustin Milligan and Michael Steger wander around the high school set making jokes about the fake food and strewn garbage, while other pairings cover off on the Peach Pit and the mansion.

Hammy jabs are made with mini-supplements “Codes of Behaviour”, which at least seems aware of the shows illogicality, while “A Revival of a Classic” examines the transition between the original series and the remake.

Also included is “A Day in the Life of Ryan Eggold”, which is brief and perfunctory, along with commentary tracks on the “Hollywood Forever” and “Off the Rails” episodes with Dustin Milligan, Ryan Eggold, Jessica Stroup and Michael Steger. The reason these four were chosen probably has a lot to do with their sense of humour, as they playfully mock each other and some of the episode happenings.