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Rating: Country: USA Release Date: November 6, 2009 Distributor: Gold Circle Films Director: · Olatunde Osunsanmi Cast: · Milla Jovovich · Elias Koteas · Will Patton Related Sites: · Visit the official movie website. Grade: D-

Olatunde Osunsanmi's "The Fourth Kind," starts with a brief monologue by star Milla Jovovich, who quickly points out that what you are about to see is a "reenactment" interspersed with actual archival footage of the events that took place in Nome, Alaska, reported to be the leader in sudden disappearances. I enjoy documentaries, even mock-umentaries like "This is Spinal Tap." But the subject of close encounters with extra-terrestrial life would seem to warrant either a straight documentary approach or a fully fictional take. Throughout the film, we're constantly reminded that what we're seeing is trying to straddle the line. There are moments where it works, like when Osunsanmi splits the screen to show the "archival footage" side-by-side with the reenactment. But those moments are built around a flimsy plot and special effects on par with an Intro to Cinema course. As characters are introduced, even as late as two-thirds of the way through the film, they are accompanied by graphics giving both the actor's real name and the pseudonym of the "real" person they're portraying. You never really get away from the credits, so you never really settle into the meat of the picture. The soundtrack is also distracting, mostly because it exists at all. I think a film discussing alien abductions would have been more powerful if it simply let the terror of the actors -- excuse me, "testimonial sources" -- voices come out, instead of ratcheting up the tension artificially through orchestral crescendos.

Jovovich's Dr. Abigail Tyler is the main character of this mishmash of UFO myths. There's a lot of hypnosis as part of psychological therapy. I, for one, have never bought into hypnosis, and this film doesn't sway me in the least. Closing my eyes and counting from 5 to 1 doesn't do anything but make me picture The Count from Sesame Street laughing at me. Under hypnosis, Tyler's patients remember their abductions and have difficulty coming to grips with their revelations. Some even find themselves possessed by ancient Sumerian astronauts claiming to be God while others levitate and thrash about violently. Nome's sheriff (Will Patton) and his deputies manage to bungle the investigation, including missing the abduction of Tyler's daughter through the undamaged roof of her home. How the child is teleported through the ceiling without damage to the house while the other abductees were forcibly removed is not explained. Of course, the aliens are never fully visible, as Osunsanmi keeps us in the dark by having the archival footage go to static at the most inopportune moments. There is never any payoff here, and no emotional involvement, unless you think Milla jovovich is hot, which probably isn't the emotion the director was looking to draw out of his audience. She is lovely, of course, especially compared to the archival version of Dr. Tyler. The "real" Abigail is an unfortunate-looking woman of pale complexion, buggy eyes, ashen lips, frazzled hair and a voice like a pouting witch who can't get a couple of German kids wearing lederhosen into her oven. I never felt sorry for her; I felt sorry for me sitting there thinking how much she looked like an alien herself and realizing she was probably going to be the closest thing to a bug-eyed freak from outer space I was going to get.

I did note as the credits role that there was an actress listed as "Dr. Abigail Tyler -- Archive," though I can't recall the name. So much for the archive footage -- if it were real, Dr. Abigail Tyler would simply have been credited as "herself." The funny thing is as I write this now, less than 48 hours from the release date, I can't find any information anywhere regarding much of the cast. I get that Will Patton and Elias Koteas are the other actors of some renown, but even on IMDB.com they don't have their characters' names credited, nor the archival actors, from what I can tell. I can understand not wanting to let the cat out of the bag on the "real" stuff being faked, but that's bordering on ridiculous. It's a shame, because many of the actors tried hard to be believable, particularly Jovovich, who was unfortunately perhaps too pretty for the part. I rather enjoy Elias Koteas but in "The Fourth Kind" he spends a lot of time looking like Robert DeNiro's double.

Luckily, my viewing of this film was saved by the events that came after the show.

There was a woman at my screening, I'll call her Abigail too just to keep with the theme, who came up to me and two other members of the audience in the theater lobby. We were discussing our opinions of the film as press folks frequently do after screenings. Abigail and a silent friend strolled up beside us and asked, "What did you think about that?" Assuming she meant the movie, we voiced our opinions, ranging from "liked it" to "there were some interesting things about the approach but..." No, she meant what did we think about actual alien abductions. Quick glances were exchanged with the other members of the media before I answered, "Well, mathematically, I think the universe is just too darn big for there not to be something else out there. It's almost impossible to conceive of that much space being vacant, waiting for us to stop killing each other over oil to start colonizing all of it. So yes, I would say I believe it's possible that our planet has been host to visitors from beyond our solar system." Another said, "It would certainly explain the crop circles," at which the rest of the press stifled a laugh. But Abigail's eyes were wide with amazement.

And that's when it hit me. I'd seen that look before. Years ago I had attended a WWE pay per view event held in my town. When I got to my seat, the girl sitting just in front of me turned around with this wide-eyed look and started babbling a mile a minute about how The Undertaker was really, truly, dead, and how Doink was an evil clown, probably a demon. True believers: the perfect marks for carnival hucksters, pro wrestling promoters, and apparently alien abduction aficionados. Abigail, with an even, earnest voice, began with, "To me, this was the best documentary on the subject I've ever seen..." She seemed not hear my aside to Zach, standing opposite her, where I suggested that maybe the residents of Nome simply got tired of the cold and long cycles of light and darkness that occur that far north, and simply moved to warmer climes, like Michigan, without telling anybody. Abigail continued, "You see, I listen to this fellow on the radio, I forget his name, but he's a man of the cloth who has proof that there's a race of creatures living under Nevada and they're the offspring of angels who sired these creatures with humans. God tried to wipe them out with the flood from Noah's Ark, but a few survived and they've grown in number as their civilization hid under Nevada. We get all our technology from them, all the advanced stuff, like microwaves. They do sometimes take people to help continue their line, but they're very benevolent, so long as you're a Christian."

With that, the press member standing across from me, said, "You know, I'm very sorry, but we've got to make our deadline tonight. Very nice to meet you." And somehow, someway, perhaps through the grace of benevolent to Christians angel/human hybrids from Nevada (Area 51, I'm sure), we managed to escape the theater without laughing until we were well outside. I can't thank that fellow enough for using the pronoun "we," allowing all of us to politely extricate ourselves from Abigail's impromptu sermon of Old Testament aliens while her silent friend stood by, nibbling on the end of a soda straw.

I guess the moral of that story is that fiction has nothing on real life. But if you want to believe to the degree this Abigail lady does, go ahead and enjoy "The Fourth Kind." If you're looking for something in this vein with some real teeth, look for the D.B. Sweeney movie "Fire In The Sky." That one will give you goosebumps.