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Rating: Country: USA Release Date: July 27, 2010 Distributor: Paramount Cast: · Melissa Joan Hart · Nick Bakay · Soleil Moon Frye · Elisa Donovan · Nate Richert Related Sites: · IMDb: Sabrina, The Teenage Witch Grade: B

With most television series’, you can gauge whether it matures or deteriorates over time, either growing into its mythology (Buffy, Angel), or spinning into oblivion trying to please an uneducated fan base (Lost). But with Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, I honestly don’t know what to say. It falls into that Full House/Mr. Belvedere void, wherein I read that people feel the show is getting worse as it adds new characters and evolves, but there’s really nothing about the writing or presentation to substantiate this claim. I’m not sure that this Archie based kids show was ever particularly vital or intelligent, delivering awkward, illogical, “punny” humour and unrealistic human reactions with an overall lack of common sense and character discernment. It’s like watching what the world would be like if the only literary text to draw on was Seventeen Magazine.

What distinguishes this seventh and final season from the rest, however, is a lack of Caroline Rhea and Beth Broderick to deliver bad dialogue with feisty sarcastic panache. This leaves the quirky Melissa Joan Hart to fill their shoes with magical mayhem as the titular Sabrina, while Salem, the animatronic cat, looking weathered around the edges, waxes sardonic. Harvey (Nate Richert) is still around to play stupid, as are Sabrina’s buddies, Roxie (Soleil Moon Frye) and Morgan (Elisa Donovan). Since none of these actors are particularly skilled at performing comedy, each doing that self-aware Reba McIntire eye roll when they say a funny, only the creepy cat manages to keep things engaging.

For the first half of this season, Sabrina works as a music reporter for Scorch Magazine, constantly bumbling up potential interviews and finding herself in trouble with seedy music producers and rude talent. She causes problems at work when she lets Morgan design the clothes for a photo shoot and finds herself stuck in a coworker’s computer, leading to kooky breast and ass enhancement. It’s all par for the course, but at least there’s a barrel full of hypocrisy to keep the noggin’ amused, with constant feminist preaching leading to the disappearance of Sabrina’s career from the weekly storylines once a rich guy comes into the picture. At first, I thought it was an elaborate introduction to a season-long villain, as Aaron (Dylan Neal) looks to be about twenty years older than Sabrina, yet all the characters refer to him as “hot”. Therefore, I thought he might be a warlock casting a spell over everyone, but no, it just seems that the casting representatives think that ‘80s “Heart Throb” board game and "Friday the 13th" male lead look is sexy. And yes, this means that Sabrina’s efforts to make it in the world are reduced to having a super-awesome wedding and finding a man to pay for her babies.

Still, despite the dreadful humour, sexist storylines and stale references to Cinderella and Cyrano de Bergerac, there’s nothing outright offensive or unwatchable about the show. Each episode moves along at a decent pace and the basic cast is likable enough, which is more than can be said for most Fundy horseshit, magic and free will assertions aside.

The 3-disc DVD set doesn’t come with any commentary tracks or supplemental material, but there is the Sabrina Goes to Rome TV movie, which almost makes the purchase worthwhile on its own. I don’t say this because the film is particularly good, but its unintentional comedy and sheer awkwardness make it a must see.

Tibor Takacs, who made the cult Canadian horror favourite “The Gate”, back in the late ‘80s, directed it. Lately, however, he’s been making movies like “Mansquito” and “Kraken: Tentacles of the Deep”, which can hint at the quality of this little televised gem. Sabrina runs off to Rome to solve a mystery of a locked necklace, meeting a younger witch named Gwen (Tara Strong, who also voiced Princess Clara and Toot Bronstein on Drawn Together), along with a studly photographer with a secret. Because everything is rushed and the spatial arrangements very different than the claustrophobic sets, it’s difficult to tell what lines of dialogue are intended as jokes, and the plot never seems sure of where it wants to go. At one point, Gwen accidentally turns a love interest into a pigeon, which doesn’t really seem to faze anyone. Sabrina goes about dating her photographer friend and trying to solve the mystery of the locket, while Salem eats pizza.

On a scale of Facts of Life Goes to Paris and Family Ties Vacation, this is about a Saved by the Bell Hawaiian Style. Now I really want to see Sabrina, Down Under.