A Dose of Reality: Celebrity Mole Yucatan - Episode 2: 8 Celebrities, 8 Little Sissies
by Beth Gottfried
Published: January 15, 2004
I’ve finally figured out why this show doesn’t make out in the ratings as well as other reality TV programs. Simply put- our culture has experienced a major dumbing down in the past few decades and I think the first thing to be sacrificed in all of this was the all-important attention span. As a product of my generation, I have been self-diagnosed with adult ADD (or ADHD, I forget). A friend of mine once said the only thing that saved us from being medically treated as children was our parents. Back in our day not wanting to concentrate too hard was termed “chronic laziness” and wasn’t tolerated too well… Now that I live on my own and have regressed, I once again have slipped into my favorite pastime of not thinking which is why “Celebrity Mole Yucatan” is a challenge. For a show that airs at 10 PM on a weeknight, it requires a high amount of mental activity/stimulation. My low brain activity default requires me to switch to MTV and watching Ashton Kutcher punk people on commercial breaks. Hey, I’m only one woman. I can only take on the Reality TV world so much.
As I was watching “Celebrity Mole” last night, I became increasingly annoyed with the first mission. The directions/rules seemed way too complicated. Either that or Amhad was doing a bad job of simplifying them. These are TV actors, I kept telling myself. If they can get it, why can’t I? It took me about 10 minutes after the mission started to realize what the competition was about. Basically, players were separated into 2 groups: Stuffed vs. Swingers. One of 4 pinatas had the box with the exemption and another box with $10,000. If the swinger hits the piñata and gets said box, they gain the exemption, but if the stuffed group does a good job of raising their piñata so as not to allow the swinger to get at them, they keep whatever box is in there and possibly win the exemption or the $$. Since none of the players know which box contains the exemption, they are all on equal footing and it’s every man/woman for themselves. The “stuffed” group is comprised of Tracey, Mark, Rudy, and Dennis. They had to literally stuff themselves into piñatas. Ok, not totally, but they had to get into piñata swings. The swingers: Angie, Corbin and Stephen. Originally Tracey put herself in the “swingers” group, but Angie cried “Montezuma’s Revenge” and asked to switch. Very moley behavior one might think, but I think Angie tries to hard to act like the mole to be the mole. Get my drift?
So the stuffed group gets into their respective piñatas. Mark picks the pink pig and Corbin takes note of this. He is convinced that the exemption is in the pink pig and that Mark may be the mole. He is so convinced of this that he has me freaking out when he actually turns out to be right about the pink pig. He freaks all the other players out as well because his prediction came true. Stephen ends up hitting Mark’s piñata and getting the box. Dennis lowers his bull for Corbin and Corbin takes a swing and gets the box. Stephen takes note of this and is perplexed that Dennis would lower the bull for Corbin, but not for him. He smells a possible coalition. In the meantime, Corbin repeatedly asks Stephen to switch boxes with him. In the midst of all this, Dennis asks a question that all of us are thinking: Why would Corbin want to switch boxes with Stephen since they had no way of knowing what was actually in any of the boxes? Why was he so certain that Stephen's box contained the exemption? At any rate, Stephen does get the box with the exemption and Corbin gets the box with the $10,000. Phew! Got all that? Amhad offers Stephen $50,000 to trade his exemption and add more $$ to the pot. Stephen declines. The other players look a little peeved. For $10,000, they understand Stephen keeping the exemption. Passing up $50,000, now that’s just plain greedy and selfish. That’s also the name of this game tho so get over it.
Tracey and Rudy get nothing from this mission. I felt bad for Tracey, but not Rudy. She’s one of the most unlikable child of the 80s TV sitcom stars ever. I think VH1 needs to do a segment on “Child Stars of the 80s that we loathe and for good reason.” As Tracey notes Rudy even insults with a smile on her face. We don’t like her. But we love Tracey Gold. She would be featured on VH1’s “Children of the 80s that Rock!” I still think she could very well be the mole, but I’d love her regardless. I don’t feel unconditional love for many, but Tracey, Stephen, and dare I say even Corbin might be included in this category. Angie and Dennis would fall in the Rudy category under “Contestants that Make you wanna wretch.” I’m glad Tracey’s over the eating disorder thing because if not I would have serious concerns about relapse having to endure these people. Personally, they make me wanna take a valium and call it a night.
The next mission is one that was featured on last year’s “Mole.” It’s called “Exemption or Bust” and allows the team 20 minutes to unanimously decide on a player to elect for exemption. If they can do this, $25,000 is added to the pot, if not the $$ is taken out of the pot. It may seem like a simple mission, but with all the attitude and ego going on here it was downright painful to watch. Corbin ended up calling Rudy a bleeped out word we will never have the privilege of knowing. He also ended up pissing Angie off and Angie ended up sabotaging yet another mission by allowing her fiery red disposition to get in the way, sucking up precious time, and walking away all Diva-like. At one point all the players decide on Dennis, but he doesn’t want it. Mark wasted a lot of time in the beginning being silly and making us all wonder if he is the mole. Both of their behaviors were suspicious and had me wondering if the mole was Mark, Tracey, or Dennis…
At the end of the 20 minutes, players opted for “bust” and came to no conclusive decision. $$ was taken from the pot and pot was now at $16,000 from $41,000 at the beginning of the show. They all share a good dinner that night and Stephen confronts Dennis on the whole shady business of lowering his bull for Corbin. Is there a coalition going on here? Dennis doesn’t say much of anything. Stephen concludes that Dennis is just smarter than one would think. I just think Dennis may be the mole. He’s a basketball player, not an Astrophysicist.
And so another episode of “Mole” wraps up and we come to the elimination round. It’s down to Corbin and Tracey. Unfortunately Angie and Rudy have been spared. Tracey looks the part of the nervous player, but then again she is a decent actress and I’m not so sure she isn’t the mole. And then the inevitable happens: Corbin is eliminated. This makes me very sad. Yes, this man is crazy but he’s also great to watch. His mind is a scary, yet deeply stimulating place that will be truly missed. And he’s not so shabby to look at. This may just be me thinking this, but his legs are amazing! Ok, so in potentially the saddest Reality TV moment ever, Corbin turns to Amhad and says that “this is not a game within [my] abilities” and that if he’s smart he’ll quit while he’s ahead. Does this mean we won’t see him again??? I sure hope not, Corbin. If you don’t have a future on this show, you may want to think about Psychic Friends Network…That business with the bull was some freaky stuff. At any rate, Corbin’s a true competitor and a delight to watch and my column can’t do the man the proper homage he deserves. He may be off kilter, but that’s the stuff that reality TV stars are might of. You can’t beat it…But you can beat a column to death. I can take my cue here.
Till next week…