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When the world's deadliest pets attacked, Fox was there. When Rick Rockwell and Darva Conger exchanged nuptials with the sincerity of a carnival barker, you better believe Fox was there. And when 4'5'' salesman Glen Foster put his bachelorhood on the line Monday night, you can bet all your "vertically challenged" jokes that Fox would be there.
But before I go on, I have to do one thing: midget, midget, midget, midget, midget and midget. OK there, I feel better.
Of course "midget" is akin to a slur for small-statured people as they prefer to be called little people. But I wasn't calling them midget right there; I was really just filling in the blanks for Fox. The network never overtly calls the contestants of "The Littlest Groom" midgets, but we're all thinking it. And the circumstances that Fox places these little people in is akin to charging 50 cents at the state fair for a peek at "The World's Smallest Woman," which always ends up being a little person nibbling on her Hungry Man dinner and just trying to watch Ricki Lake on her B&W TV. It's depressing, but I always go back for more.
"The Littlest Groom" follows the now familiar elimination model, with 7 of the 12 eligible women already having been eliminated. Luckily, Fox put "The Littlest Groom" on fast-forward as it's only a two-part series. But the fact that this is only a two-part series is only further proof that Fox is going for shock value with "The Littlest Groom." Unlike other shows that at least attempt to develop some human interest, two episodes isn't enough to develop any meaningful relationships. It's just a televised rubbernecker, especially with the little people playing golf and country line dancing all-the-while standing next to tall, leggy hostess Dani Behr ("Boy Meets World")-there's no question what Fox is trying to do make us do: bellow with guilty laughter.
On top of that, at the end of the first episode three "average size" women are brought in to compete for Glen's heart. These curvy competitors then proceed to take the smiling little guy into the hot tub, while the remaining five short stacks are left to look like grimacing fools. It's kind of depressing, but I think I'll now retire the cliché "happy as a kid at a candy store," and replace it with "happy as a mid…er…little person in a hot tub with three bikini-clad average-size hotties."
I'll admit that I laughed during much of "The Littlest Groom," but it was out of discomfort and not sheer entertainment. When you're given a peek inside a world that you've never seen before, namely the little people's single scene, it's always tough to control your reaction. Plus, when you add these bizarre circumstances and scenarios only meant to further make these little people look different, it makes it even harder. And unfortunately I'm immature and the easiest thing to do is laugh. But if it makes you feel any better I also hooted and hollered through "The Vagina Monologues" and "Joined for Life," that show on The Learning Channel about the conjoined twins. And if you did too, I'll see you in hell.
What's next, eh Fox? Two Alzheimer's patients engaged in a game of Chess? Tracheotomy American Idol? Amputee Gymnastics? I mean, sure, these examples are a bit more drastic than "The Littlest Groom," but reality TV has proved to be a slippery slope and Fox is more often than not skating on the black ice of sound judgment.
"The Littlest Groom" finale airs Feb. 26 at 8 p.m. EST.