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I'd say that the day has finally arrived, but for a four-week series, the word "finally" seems a little out of place! But the day is here, at any rate, when Adam Mesh has to make his final decision. Last week he narrowed the field to five women: Rachel, Christine, Amy, Stephanie and Samantha. Tonight's two-hour episode started with Adam and the girls at Universal Studios Theme Park. They rode the Jurassic Park ride, then took a VIP trolley tour of the backlot. Sound like a fun trip? Should have been, but Adam sensed a lot of tension among the girls. In interviews, we heard various women put down each other. Amy and Christine, and Stephanie and Christine, rubbed each other the wrong way. Samantha didn't like being in competition with Christine, because she felt Christine was "trailer trash." Rachel thought Samantha was "the Paris Hilton of New York."

Adam was blind to that interpersonal drama, but what he did see was Samantha's tattoo -- a butterfly tattoo, with initials. Adam thought he'd have trouble dating a girl with another guy's initials tattooed on her. "I think that's worse than Fabio," he declared.

The end of the group date was in a Western town studio, where Adam and the girls were to make a movie. They dressed in old-style frontier-wear, and a stunt coordinator taught them how to throw punches like the stuntmen. The film itself ended up being a fight between Adam (and his girls) and Adam's evil nemesis, who turned out to be ... Daaaaaa-vid Daskal! As y'all know, nothing makes me happier than seeing an Old Joe again, and it's a trip seeing David Daskal in black cowboy regalia, doing a pretty competent job as the Stranger in town.

David also provides the exposition that Adam will have one more date with each of the five women, and then he'll cut the field down to two.

Date #1 - Samantha

Adam's date with Samantha started off with a mystery, as a limo pulled up, the window opened, and out poked the head of a little dog. While Adam was taken aback, Samantha was thrilled. This was her dog Chloe, whom Samantha dotes on. Chloe was wearing a pink gingham dress, pink bows in her hair and a pearl necklace. Adam was not impressed with Samantha treating her dog like a daughter. Samantha said in interview that Chloe's wardrobe was about as extensive as hers was, and there were even outfits in the limo for Chloe.

Adam had been told that he was going shopping on the date, but it wasn't until they reached the store that Adam realized they were going shopping for Chloe. "Bleah!" was Adam's reaction. Adam was visibly cringing during the shopping trip. In interview, he said, "The only way I would ever walk that dog with any of those outfits on would be if I was wearing a T-shirt that said,'This is not my dog.'"

This was about the most stunning display of dog-bonding and boyfriend-excluding since the first season of The Bachelor, when Shannon blew off Alex so that she could bond her with dog Avery instead.

But it had a happier ending, I guess. Samantha asked Adam to pick the final outfit for Chloe, and Adam picked a pink sweatshirt because "it looked cute." He remarked in the store that this was a "pimpin' dog right now." Samantha was thrilled at his choice, because it was the outfit she would have picked as well. What greater sign of compatibility can there be?

After the store, Adam, Samantha and Chloe took a carriage ride. Chloe provided a little something extra to the atmosphere, by passing gas. However, Adam still enjoyed the carriage ride.

Afterwards, they went up to a hotel and had some drinks and dessert. That gave Adam a chance to ask about the tattoo. Samantha confessed that it was from a previous boyfriend, to whom she'd been engaged and with whom she'd had a child. Adam's face froze, and Samantha admitted she was kidding. Actually, it was because at the funeral for her grandparents, who died in a carbon monoxide accident when she was 16, she saw one butterfly land on her mother's shoulder and another on her aunt's shoulder. After that, she'd see pairs of butterflies, and she decided to have a tattoo of two butterflies with the initials of her grandparents.

After drinks, they went .. where else? ... the hot tub, and did a lot of ... what else? ... kissing.

Was it true love for Adam and Chloe? "It's a dog-eat-dog world, and that dog ... should be eaten," he said in interview. What about for Adam and Samantha? Despite a rocky early start, the date seemed to end well for them.

Date #2 - Stephanie

Adam's date with Stephanie was on a dry lake bed. Not a lot of distractions, but that was good for Stephanie, because it was her first private date with Adam. They had a picnic, and talked about their lives.

Besides not having had a private date with Adam before, something else strange for Stephanie was that she was best friends with Samantha from before the show. That was uncomfortable for Adam, because he ordinarily would not go out with the best friend of a girl that he liked. He admitted that Stephanie had an unlucky break in that regard.

After the picnic, Adam and Stephanie went "land-sailing," riding around on low-to-the-ground scooter powered by a sail. While the scenery was bleak, the land-sailing looked like fun!

Date #3 - Christine

Adam's date with Christine was in a casino, but the surprises started for her before entering the casino. Outside, on the marquee, was a birthday greeting for her, since the date coincided with her birthday.

Inside the casino, Adam sat Christine down and then went to get the "performer" for the night. Of course, it was Adam. He had the microphone and everything, but (fortunately for him) the only person in the lounge was Christine. Adam started with a few jokes ("Who was the first person eliminated from Average Joe 2? Kathy Griffin.") Then he sang a song for Christine. It was a tuneless little ditty, featuring rhymes such as "good-looking" with "cooking." Afterwards, they had birthday cake (and Adam dropped a ton of silverware, not to mention some cake).

Adam and Christine did a little bit of gambling, but they had no luck at the the gaming tables, so they retired to the restaurant tables for drinks and conversation. Adam tried to ask her deeper questions than usual, and Christine admitted that her family wasn't very close. Chrstine asked what he wanted in a relationship, and Adam said, "At this point in my life, I won't be in a relationship unless it's going somewhere. I think I'm done with casually dating." Christine asked Adam where he saw himself in five years and he said, "I think I'll be on Average Joe: 12. 'More Average Than Ever.'"

But you couldn't have told that by the end of the date, which had Adam wrapped up in Christine. He said that he was definitely attracted to her, and his kisses seemed to give the truth of that.

Date #4 - Rachel

Rachel's date with Adam started at 3:30 a.m.! Holy cow, I'd have had to give it up right there. They watched the moon go down, the sun go up, and cuddled by the campfire. Rachel read a poem she'd written for Adam. It was ... well, comparable to the one that Adam wrote for Melana. Even if I'd managed to be awake for a date starting at 3:30 a.m., I'd leave after the poetry. But Adam liked the gesture (unsurprisingly).

Rachel cooked breakfast for Adam over the grill -- bacon (a nice Jewish couple like that?) and eggs. Afterwards, they went horseback riding, and then did an archery competition for kisses (when she hit a balloon on the target, she had to kiss him; when he hit a balloon on the target, he had to kiss her). The kisses started off as pecks, but as they went farther back and the shots became more challenging, the kisses became longer. "I'm a money performer," Adam told Rachel, as he went to collect the longest kiss yet.

After archery, they went in a barn and had some wine. Adam gave Rachel a present -- a bracelet that said "YOLO" (for "You Only Live Once"). It was the only one that he'd brought, and he gave it to Rachel because on their first date Rachel had also used the expression "you only live once." Adam explained in voiceover that he thought Rachel was perfect -- "she's sweet, loves her family, natural beauty." Later he remarked, "she's a face you could wake up to and be happy every morning."

Date #5 - Amy

Adam's date with Amy was at a historic private home in Palm Springs. They walked around the site and chatted. Adam checked whether or not Amy's dog wore clothes (answer: no), and Amy reflected in voiceover about how she'd been a homecoming queen in high school and always just wanted to be a great mom and have a great family.

Amy took the opportunity to question Adam about whether it was problematic that she A) was from California, not New York; and B) wasn't Jewish. Adam said that his family would support him if he was in love with someone who wasn't Jewish. With regard to the distance, he said, "I guess with the wrong person, it's 'out of sight, out of mind,' and with the right person, it's 'absence makes the heart grow fonder.' So it all depends on the person."

(Okay, and since Amy brought up the Jewish thing, can I just say ... a reality show with the largest proportion of Jewish people I have ever seen in the genre, and they broadcast the finale on the first night of Passover, a night that traditionally Jewish people are not watching TV? Oy vey!)

Amy managed to get her fears alleviated, but the conversation still wasn't flowing between her and Adam. Partly because Amy was nervous about the competition, and partly because she was uptight about the situation -- being on TV. She told Adam that she wished they were somewhere else where she could just throw cake in his face. So after dinner Adam grabbed some cake, and they ended up having a cake fight. (Shades of Larissa and Gil's chocolate fight!)

Adam felt a strong attraction to Amy, and at the end of the night enjoyed cuddling up with her. For her part, Amy said it was her fantasy for her and Adam to be together forever.

The Final Two

After these dates, it was time for Adam to take the field from five to two. Of course, Adam wasn't happy about having to do that. "Before, I felt like I was sending home friends. Now, I'm ending relationships, and it's a lot harder to do."

The first one to go was Stephanie. Poor girl never had a chance, always living in the shadow of Samantha's dates.

Next, was Christine. The Gamer, outplayed! Obviously, she remarked in interview, Adam was "intimidated" by her. Adam hid his "initimidation" by saying that he liked her, but liked her more as a friend than a relationship. "I felt better slapping her five than I did kissing her."

The final departure was Amy. Adam had just felt that they were struggling too hard for conversation on their date. Amy didn't see it that way, and was very sad that she was sent home.

That left Samantha and Rachel to head back to the East Coast to meet Adam's family.

Meet The Folks - Take #1 - Samantha

Adam had a little trepidation about bringing the girls back to meet his family, since he didn't usually present girlfriends to them. But Adam's mom had no hesitation, and immediately jumped into questioning Samantha -- what does she do? where'd she go to college? why did she go on the show? Adam was a little taken aback by the force of his mom's questions, but Samantha took them in stride.

She was very personable, and placed a big emphasis on "family," but it didn't impress Mom. She got a definite impression of Samantha as someone who was high-maintence, a shopaholic, and putting on a show to impress Adam's family. Mom suspected that Samantha was a bit of a gold-digger. His dad was not quite as plain in his feelings, but still expressed some concern that Samantha was so much more aggressive than the women Adam usually dated. Adam protested, though, that he'd always said he wanted to date women who were more aggressive.

After meeting with Adam's family, Adam and Samantha took a sunset boat ride around Manhattan. It was very romantic, and Adam and Samantha made with the smoochies big-time. "I can't stop kissing you!" Adam exclaimed. In interview, Samantha remarked, "I don't strike up serious, deep, thought-provoking conversations. If you're having a great time, I don't see the point."

They did take a break from kissing long enough to have dinner and drinks inside the boat. Adam was a little disappointed that Samantha's confidence seemed to be waning, though. She brought up how difficult the competition process was. Of course, there wasn't a lot that Adam could say about that.

Still, overall, Adam had no complaints about the date. He'd said he wanted someone to sweep him off his feet, and he felt that Samantha had done it.

Meet The Folks - Take #2 - Rachel

Of course, that's only one half of the equation. After being "swept off his feet" by Samantha, Adam had to take Rachel to meet his family.

From the start, Rachel enchanted Adam's family. Mom loved that Rachel was a teacher, because Mom used to be a teacher. Not only that, but Mom specialized in remedial reading, and that was what Rachel planned to get her master's in.

As proof that the parents had warmed to Rachel, they brought out the old home movies. After the movies, the questioning continued, without any problems. Rachel talked about how she looked out for her brother, who works at a hospital, which impressed Mom. "I think that we have someone who likes to cook, likes to nurture, likes movies, likes sports ... what else?" Mom said. Rachel shyly added, "Likes kids," which met with acclaim from Adam's parents (who obviously had visions of grandchildren dancing in their heads).

As Rachel talked about how much she liked Adam, and could picture him with the kids, Adam's mom became so emotional she started crying. "All of a sudden for the first time I thought maybe I could be losing my son to a woman, and I'm just ... I'm really happy!" She and Rachel went upstairs (women going to the bathroom together) and had some more private bonding. Meanwhile, Dad expressed his approval for Rachel to Adam downstairs.

But all this approval for Rachel from his family made Adam nervous. "I've never felt claustrophic in my own house before," he said. He'd expected his family to be supportive of whatever choice he made, and it was a little disconcerting to have them so clearly express a preference. (Adam asked if it was "obvious," and his dad said that it was "totally obvious," and that it was very easy to see which one would be better for him. "If one girl's perfect, why would you pick the other one?" his dad asked.)

While admitting that Rachel would be perfect for him, Adam reflected that he was still "drawn to Samantha."

After the discussion with his family, Adam met Rachel for one last date, this time at the Philadelphia Museum of Art. At this point, he was still torn. If he wanted a wife, Rachel would be the best pick. If he chose Samantha, they'd have fun, but he didn't think that they'd be able to create a family until they both grew up some more.

Inside the museum, Adam was delighted by how beautiful Rachel looked as she walked down the steps. "As beautiful as she's looked this whole time, that was the most beautiful I've seen her look." But Adam had concerns he wanted to discuss over dinner. Primarily, it was how everything seemed so perfect between the two of them ... but he wasn't sure if there was a lot of passion. He wondered if perhaps knowing (and having seen) that he was kissing other women had cooled her ardor. For her part, Rachel felt she had a lot of passion for Adam. She told him if she didn't have feelings for him, she would have walked away, but it was just hard to show her passion in this context.

After dinner, they viewed an exhibit ("Manet by the Sea"), and enjoyed having the museum to themselves. They ended up in a hotel suite, and cuddled and kissed on the couch. "Falling asleep on the couch with Rachel in my arms, I just took in how unbelievable the day was. That here was this girl who wowed my parents, wowed me walking down the steps in the museum, and now, 'wow, she's here in my arms falling asleep.' It was the perfect ending to a perfect day.

The Final Choice

And after these two final dates, it was time for Adam to make his decision. Once again, he was back in the airplane hangar, with the Plane to Paradise on one side and the Bus to Bozoville on the other. This time, though, Adam was making the choice, and either way he'd be riding the plane.

The first woman to arrive was Samantha. Okay, traditionally, the first one to arrive in this type of show is the one to leave. In the first season of Average Joe, the producers did a fake-out and the first to arrive won. Then, in the second season, Average Joe 2: Hawaii, the producers did a double-fake-out and once again the first person to arrive won. So you know that this couldn't possibly be another fake-out. Besides, Rachel is perfect for Adam.

So I almost felt sorry for Samantha as she walked up to Adam. He looked at her, and said, "I just want to say something, and all I ask is that you let me finish before you respond. As we begin, I just want to apologize. I made assumptions about you at the beginning, and since we've spent time together, you've done nothing but prove them all wrong. The only problem is, when I'm not with you, I want to be. And when I am with you, I feel like I can't hold you tight enough. Yet, if that's okay ... I've been waiting like a year to see what the inside of that plane looks like." Samantha stopped him with a hug and a kiss. "In case you couldn't tell, I fell really hard for you," Adam continued. Samantha responded, "Me, too. Thank you."

Oh, no! It's a triple-fake-out! Producers, you are a dastardly crew!

I guess I'm happy for Adam, but I just can't see him having a relationship that lasts more than two weeks with a woman who dresses her dog in pink gingham. She told him that she thought he was totally perfect for her, and Adam said that he thought they fit together, so maybe I'm wrong. Who knows?

Of course, Adam still had to break the news to Rachel. If I'd almost felt sorry for Samantha when she walked up to Adam, I felt really sorry for Rachel. Adam looked at her and said, "You look beautiful. You always look beautiful. You and I have so much in common, and one of those things is we both share the belief -- the saying that 'you only live once.' Part of that is being honest, and that's why I hope you understand when I say that although you're perfect, in every definiton of the word, I don't think we're perfect for each other." After an awkward pause, Adam added, "I'm so happy to have met you."

In an icy voice, Rachel responded, "Thank you. I'm very disappointed. And just to let you know, I was here for all the right reasons. And good luck." Adam's face fell during the course of her little speech, as he realized that his reputation of being "the nicest guy" had been ruined. In voiceover afterwards, Adam admitted that he wanted to make everyone happy with the outcome, but in the end he'd had to pick the person who would make him happy, since he'd be the one to live with the decision. "And the only person I can't get out of my head right now is Samantha."

Well, best of luck to you, Adam!

And best of luck to all of the Joes we've come to know in the past several months. Thanks for sharing your hearts, your courage, and even your foibles with us. You've made me wonder if there really is such a thing as an "Average" Joe!