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by The Trades Staff Published: May 26, 2004
We admire the serious approach of "Superstar USA", and decided to take an equally serious approach to our roundtable. Our comments are based purely on the competitors' performances and the judges' direct comments to them. We refuse to be influenced by backstory, by gossip, or by the amateur ramblings of host Brian McFayden. None of that matters; performance is all. So please, read on for our comments on those performances! "Superstar USA" airs on the WB Monday and Tuesday nights at 9pm Eastern / 8pm Central. Mario - "The Heat Is On" Byron writes: It's obvious that the camera loves Mario. He has the forceful intensity of a future superstar. I really liked his clapping. My only criticism is that he was a little weak on the "oh oh"s. Millie writes: Wow, talk about bad boy appeal! Mario radiated intensity, and certainly turned on the heat. And I loved the way he clapped. So many of these people can only sing, but Mario proved to be a percussionist as well. Dane writes: The heat is on, but you better crank the AC as well because Mario is smokin' hot! All the contestants danced, but none so well as Mario. Where did he learn to spin like that? Howard writes: Man, the heat must be really on this guy. He looks like he's sweating bullets up there. And is his mic even on? It sounds like he's singing along with a cheap karaoke machine and no acoustics. Poor guy, he might have done a *little* better with proper mixing. But I don't see him having the "X" factor of a Justin Guarini. Rosa - "Borderline" Byron writes: Rosa definitely has the most unique voice of any of the contestants. She did seem a little nervous, but I think she really has a lot of potential. Millie writes: I thought Rosa gave a touchingly vulnerable interpretation of "Borderline." When she dropped to her knees, I cried. We're so used to the strength and power of the Material Girl, but Rosa gave a brilliant reinterpretation. Dane writes: Rosa says she's bigger than JLo. Well, that ego's off to a good start. Good thing the singing is just as impressive. Her voice is such a unique blend of accents, slurs and mumbles. Definitely perfect for my ringtones. Howard writes: Voice? Where? I mean, come on, she long passed the "Borderline" of ruining this song--or at least a song with a similar tune, because Heaven knows the words she's singing aren't Madonnna's. "Feels like you're cooking for my mind?" Where did that verse come in? Send this girl packing, please! Tamara - "Unbreak My Heart" Byron writes: Tamara started off a little rocky, but she levelled off quickly. She has a talent to capture the emotion of the lyrics. She also went through what I consider the most positive image transformation of the group. Millie writes: Tamara has such a sexy urban vibe, and an amazing ability to connect with the audience! I had to watch her performance three times before I realized that she was wearing sunglasses, because I just felt so connected to her. Dane writes: Tamara really shined on this performance. I always thought Braxton's version could use some more monotone. Tamara even kept that same unenthusiasm when switching from the lower register to the upper. That's a difficult feat! Howard writes: Alright, maybe she's still a little shy and nervous, but I don't see her coming out of her shell just yet--and she's going to need to if she wants to be a superstar. Very weak on the vocals, though. John-Michael - "Born to Be Wild" Byron writes: John-Michael is the true rocker of the twelve. Although he was slightly atonal on the lyrics part of the song, he took real chances. They worked. Millie writes: You know, John-Michael wanted to be wild, but did he make it there? His voice commanded the room, but never really made the room his bitch. I gotta agree with Briggs, and I admire his willingness to shoot straight, that this was too subtle. I hope he loosens up some in the later rounds, or he's destined for a mid-level finish. Dane writes: Damn you John-Michael. You stole my idea for a Steppenwolf musical. No wait, I'll just cast you as John Kay. Brilliant! Howard writes: Finally, someone who can actually carry a tune and project his voice. He's got a commanding stage presence as well. Not superstar presence, mind you, but a standout in this lot at least. Jo-Jo - "A Bad Case of Loving You" Byron writes: Jo-Jo simply oozes confidence. His voice just glided over the playback accompaniment. He really has a chance at winning the competition. Millie writes: What a relief to have Jo-Jo next! Now I feel like we're back on track. Jo-Jo brought a unique European distinctiveness to his performance of this classic American song. Honestly, he couldn't have been any better if he were singing a VCR manual in the transliterated German. Dane writes: Neck mojo?! Awesome Jo-Jo! Honestly, I can't comment too much on the singing, I had to run to a mirror to see if I could get my neck mojo working as effectively as Jo-Jo. He's got some competition! Howard writes: Jo-Jo's got a bad case of the third person. Get over yourself, Jo-Jo. As for the singing ability, maybe Johnny Cash was able to make a living with a three-note range, but that range was unbounded when compared to the monotone of Jo-Jo. I think the rest of you guys need to have your TiVo checked, because it was obviously doing some sort of sound correction that my little Panasonic isn't capable of. Omar - "The Greatest Love of All" Byron writes: Omar is a really big teddy bear. He reminds me of Ruben Studdard from"American Idol". He missed a note or two, but I think that it was just nerves and he can overcome that. Millie writes: What I loved about Omar's performance was that he really got into this song. In the opening verse, he sang with the simplicity and sweetness of a child, but as he entered the bridge he let loose with the strength and talent of a man. As he headed towards the end of the song, he even took on the tones of an octogenarian. What greater love can be exhibited than to embrace every phase of life? Truly, the greatest love of all. Dane writes: I think Omar forgot to do his "propeller lips" warm-up exercise. The performance was a little shaky, but I still felt the passion. Howard writes: Are we even watching the same show? This guy may look somewhat like a Reuben, but his voice is flatter than a pancake Mr. Studdard sat on! Home, home, as fast as we can send him, please! Frank - "Survivor" Byron writes: Frank simply owns the stage. He really is a triple threat in entertainment. I'm sure he'll find success in whatever he chooses to do. Plus, props for the snazzy wardrobe! Millie writes: There was a lot to like about Frank's performance--the voice, the dancing, the huge cross. But I don't know if Frank is really avant-garde enough for this compeitition. A half-shirt? He's not willing to go utterly bare-chested? Sure, he wore high heels, but if he was really willing to put himself on the line for the sake of art, he would have gone open-toed. Dane writes: Way to be, String Bean! Nasally voices are in right now. Move over Fantasia, Frank's got it down! The slutty look? That's just a bonus. Howard writes: A chipmunk on helium, sitting on a washing machine on spin cycle, would still have a more masculine voice than Frank. And just what demographic is he trying to "turn on" with those moves of his? Okay, I admire his flexibility, but superstar material he is not. Emily - "Achy Breaky Heart" Byron writes: Emily made a daring fashion choice... that worked! Sadly, she was vocally off pretty much the whole time, and her dancing was quite uninspired. I won't be surprised if she goes. Millie writes: What, did they need another female to round out the group? I'm sorry, I wasn't feeling the ache or the break in her heart. Her performance made the song sound like something that you'd do a line dance to, for crying out loud! Dane writes: The judges said Emily didn't have superstar quality, but that's not quite right. She just didn't have the mullet needed to sing a song like this. Howard writes: Yes! Yes! Yes! A voice, crying in the wilderness of lost souls. I'll even forgive her for resurrecting that terrible Billy Ray Cyrus tune just because of how much she stands out from this crowd. WB, you've found your first Superstar! Nina Diva - "Roxanne" Byron writes: Nina Diva totally deserves the name, and is a force to be reckoned with in this competition. She improvised well. And her outfit... had to turn on my own red light a time or two--she's the image of the dominatrix in my fantasies! Alright? Millie writes: Nina has such an amazing voice, but the best part of her performance was the delicious po-mo irony of telling a hooker to get off the streets while she herself was wearing hookerware! A strong feminist statement and a rockin' performance, all in one fell swoop. She *is* woman--hear her roar! Dane writes: Nina Diva will be high steppin' and kickin' her way into next week. She performed Roxanne with the same low intensity as our other Diva in this competition, Tamara. Hopefully we'll get a cat fight between these two. Meow! Howard writes: This started out as an interesting interpretation of The Police hit... before that absolutely horrid chorus. And speaking of "walking the streets for money," what is up with that outfit? I think Briggs was about ready to go digging in his pocket for dollar bills. The Anglo Assassin - "The Choice Is Yours" Byron writes: This Vanilla Ice clone had no originality at all. Eminem gave a better performance in "8 Mile", and he's a hack if I've ever seen one. Anglo totally deserves the title of Worst Performance. Millie writes: I disagree with Byron--I thought the Anglo Assassin had strong rappin' skills. My concern was that he seemed to get distracted by Vitamin C half-way through the song. That's okay in this context, where there's only one female, but I can't help but think it would hurt him in a concert situation. Even if he only took 2 seconds per woman, in a stadium with tens of thousands of women, that could seriously cause a glitch in his concert schedule. Dane writes: The choice really is mine. I get with this or I get with that. They never said Superstar USA had to be a singer, but I'm going to draw the line in the sand right now. No singing, no support. I guess I get with that. Word to your mother. Howard writes: I can see where he got his name from, because he certainly murders the English language. Still, he kept up with the music well enough, beat-wise, even if he didn't have to hit but one note the whole time, which ought to guarantee him at least a Place or Show. Ross - "Rhythm Divine" Byron writes: Ross, my pre-competition favorite, gave us all I was expecting from him. His lilting voice and his unbridled joy took the competition to a whole new level. Look out, Timberlake! Millie writes: Ross is the total package! A man with the sensitivity of a woman, an Asian who can sing a hit by a Spanish heart-throb -- Ross is a yummy multicultural melange. Dane writes: I miss the sexually-confused look. It was very early Bowie. Now, well, now he's like later Bowie. That ain't cool. Howard writes: The makeover fixed a lot. "Betsy" Ross comes out looking more like a man... well, like a boy at any rate. But he must have donated a testicle or two to science to be able to reach those high notes that would make most castrata insanely jealous. Then again, there's a market for that range in a boy band somewhere, I suppose. Good improvement, Ross. Jamie - "Fallin'" Byron writes: Jamie is the subtle temptress of the competition. Her looks and her trilling voice make her one of the odds-on favorites. The song she chose really suited her. I look forward to seeing more of her... talents... in the future. Millie writes: There are performers who will exhort the audience to stand up, to clap, to sing along. But Jamie is the first performer I've seen who has actually provided the lyrics for the audience, displaying them on her outstretched hand. It's that time of generous spirit and attention to detail that raises Jamie a step above the teen pop stars of our day. Dane writes: She's not reading the words off her hands, she's just singing to it. "I never loved someone the way I loved you. You give me so much pleasure and cause me so much pain." See, she's just singing from experience. Howard writes: Are you people nuts!? She's not wretched, but she's so blatantly unprepared for this competition. Can't they see she's reading her lyrics off her hand? What is this, a history exam? But it's obvious to see that Briggs isn't looking at her hand. "We'll see how you 'stack up,'" indeed. Well, the show could use some eye candy, so I imagine she'll sneak through anyway. FINAL THOUGHTS Ross, Frank, the Anglo Assassin, and Emily didn't make the cut. Byron writes: I agreed with two of the cuts and was appalled by the other two. Emily and the Anglo American really were out of their league here, but Frank and Ross could have easily won this competition if I were in charge. I hope they decide to strike out on their own. (Maybe together?! Wow, that would rock!) Millie writes: For the most part, I think the judges got it right. My only point of disagreement is that I would have kept Ross, and gotten rid of John-Michael. John-Michael, you'd better step up your game! Dane writes: Outrage! My man string bean Frank had the voice and the moves. I'm especially upset because Omar was a little weak, though he does have heart. I'll give him that. As far as I'm concerned, Ross dug his own grave as soon as he spelled out that he was a man. Howard writes: Rigged! Or "Brigged" more likely. They sent home Emily, the greatest asset they had! At least John-Michael is still in the running, and they got rid of creepy Frank. But for keeping Rosa over Emily... I just don't know what these judges are thinking. Vitamin C must have lip-synched her own albums, and I may have to change Tone Loc's name to Tone Def. A tragedy and a travesty. Maybe they'll rewatch the tapes and, next week, show a bit more sense. Superstar USA's Official Site | SirLinksalot's Superstar USA Page Talk about "Superstar USA" on our Reality Forum! |
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