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by Dan Weltin Published: June 1, 2004
He cuts up some tomatoes and onions. I'll give him credit, that was impressive how quickly he made mush of the tomatoes with only using a knife. Uh, oh, the sauce is terrible. Here comes Mama, what does she think. Nope, it's bad. Mama opens up a giant can of tomato sauce instead. Yeah, store bought is better. UPTON SINCLAIR IN THE 21ST CENTURY Waiter Al is holding a meeting with the busboys. He is not a very effective teacher. Coffee seems to be the number one priority. But I did pick up a couple of teaching methods from him which I think I'll try out. Jeffrey's goon, Carol, tries to take over the meeting, blah, blah, blah (hey, Al was on to something!). She's not happy with Al, blah blah, blah. Carol talks to the busboys like they're immigrant workers. Do your job, make more money, blah, blah, blah. It's like a socialist meeting. Carol takes Al aside to lay into him, blah, blah, blah. The camera keeps showing Al holding the illy coffee cup. Now it would appear he is shaking in fear, but I've learned from a reputable source that illy makes a good coffee. In fact, they have what's called the mother bean and all beans are genetically cloned to be like the perfect mother bean. Al just has had a lot of coffee, that's all. MOTIVATE, MOTIVATE, MOTIVATE Laurent talks to Rocco about getting his ass in gear. Now, Laurent makes a good point here. Rocco says he doesn't know if the restaurant is worth getting up for in the morning. To this Laurent replies "I wake up every morning for it and it's not my restaurant." Rocco is really a whiny guy. Either that or he's taking emo to a whole new level. Well, same difference I guess. Meanwhile, Carol is demanding new barstools. The old ones look like they're made of old fry baskets. Who ever thought these were a good idea? Ah, here's some comedic relief. It's Antonio the visiting chef from Italy! He's making pizza for Rocco. How thoughtful. He compares the dough to a woman's ass. That's a bit rude. Rocco will probably thinks that's brilliant though and change the menu accordingly. Yes, I would like a large woman's ass, half mushroom, half pepperoni. Yeah, this will work. Rocco and Jeffrey make an attempt to resolve their differences. The stage is set for … THE MAIN EVENT: ROCCO VS. JEFFREY -- ROUND 1 Jeffrey and Mama are going to duke it out first while they wait for Rocco. Now, it's probably not the best idea to do this in front of customers who are trying to eat. Very unprofessional. Here's Rocco. He's not happy with the way Jeffrey speaks to the staff. I don't see that. Rocco wants to apologize to the staff for the way Rocco and Jeffrey treat them. Personally, I think Jeffrey treats them fine. Jeffrey 2, Rocco 0. Jeffrey counters that Rocco doesn't have a right to say that Jeffrey doesn't have an opinion. Good point. Rocco fights back with a "Who's name is on the awning?" What a comeback. Jeffrey's response: "I can take that off tomorrow." Ouch. Here comes Antonio with the pizza. Oop, maybe later. This whole thing is very Shakespearean-esque. I keep expecting to see Antonio pop up throughout the episode with that pizza, but alas, he doesn't. Rocco complains he hasn't made a dime since March. Well, Jeffrey has lost half a mill. Rocco claims that Jeffrey brought in five people to replace him. (You could bring in a donkey to replace Rocco and it would be an improvement). Jeffrey says it takes five people to fix what Rocco screwed up. Ding! Another point for Jeffrey. Rocco asks where are these new barstools he's been hearing so much about. Wait for it… Here they are! Literally as Rocco says things take place behind his back the barstools get replaced. At least something is getting done in the restaurant though. I'll give that point to Jeffrey. Score is Jeffrey 6, Rocco 0. Wait, what's this? Rocco makes a tag and now Mama has stepped in the ring. I didn't know this was a tag-team match! Mama says "I'm a telling you, don't talk like you're a big thing." Mama 1, Jeffrey 0 (or is that still 6?) HARDWARE AND SOFTWARE Rocco apologizes to the staff. Too little, too late in my book. Oooh, the new uniforms have arrived. Man, are they ugly. Multi-color vertical stripes? They look like TGI Friday's uniforms. You know, I get the impression that Rocco's is more like a flair-chain restaurant than elegant dining. Uniforms are a good idea, though. On to the next item: silverware. One of Jeffrey's goons sits down with Rocco to discuss buying a new silverware set. Rocco likes the existing ones, but apparently they are expensive to replace. So they're going to save money by buying all new ones. (Anyone following this logic?) Rocco says if Jeffrey tries to take away the old silverware, call security. Another brilliant idea. Cut to Jeffrey's office. JT, Jeffrey's assistant (this guy looks like an English major graduate) is called upon to compile all emails and memos that Rocco never received. Which leads to … ROUND 2 OF OUR MAIN EVENT Rocco brings a bowl of soup to his meeting with Jeffrey. I would go into more detail, but the meeting is cut extremely short because Rocco has a live interview. He delegates his tasks to other team members. We'll call this round a draw. THE KITCHEN, THE KITCHEN, THE KITCHEN IS ON FIRE The bar is hoppin', the tables are full. It's sold out tonight at the restaurant. Let's lose some money. Down in the kitchen, Tony is taking control. He's busted one of the cooks for having a wood fire. Back upstairs, April and Matt the bartenders are arguing over is it more beneficial to serve cocktails or pour shots? Maybe both of them should just get back to making drinks. Things are heating up in the kitchen. That fire is getting out of control. Gabe is continuing to screw up. Tony is not pleased. "You serve raw fish one more time and I'm firing you." Gabe replies: "Don't talk to me like that." (Man, who isn't sensitive in this place?) Oh crap, the wall is on fire, again. Same place as last season. And there goes the fire alarm. These people better get free meals. Too bad, I thought for sure they'd turn a profit tonight. Phew, it's out, wait, no it's not. FIRE! Tony's got it covered. He's got a hammer and is busting through the wall. He is the man! Now, now it's out. Here's Rocco to save the day. He pulls up right in front of the restaurant. Are you telling me that no one parked there? He can just pull up like that? Guess there's plenty of parking in New York City. Anyway, what's Rocco's solution? Let's make pizza! Oh, excuse me, woman's ass. According to Rocco, a little pizza goes a long way. No it doesn't. I'd still expect my meal for free. These people don't seem too impressed. Rocco spends some time posing for pictures. PAGING DR. FREUD OR ROUND 3 A table of psychiatrists come in to eat. Rocco sees this as the perfect opportunity to air his grievances about Jeffrey. And here is Jeffrey. Speak of the devil. Why not bring him over. Bring it on… it's round 3: Couple Therapy! What's your motivation? Is it money? Jeffrey says no. I gotta side with Rocco on this one. I think Jeffrey is very money motivated. Now comes probably the most unprofessional segment: Rocco says "That's 5 people you stuffed down my throat." Jeffrey angrily responds: "It takes 5 people to fix what you broke." Yeesh. Probably not the best way to act in front of the clientele. These people better be eating for free, too. (Side note here: I think Jeffrey is wearing one of the new waiter shirts under his sweater.) Now, what would Rocco say about you Jeffrey? "I think he would say my success is strictly financial" (why would he say that?) "and that I succeeded in a very difficult business." Now, Rocco, what would Jeffrey say about you? "He appreciates the quality of work and fervor and talent of my flavors." That's nice. Next, Jeffrey comments that "The most important thing you can do to be successful is to recognize what you know and what you don't know and get people who can supplement what you don't do." That's good advice. Too bad he ruins it by adding "I want [Rocco] to be successful. That way I can make my money back." Get some class Jeffrey. Coupled with this is Tony and Gabe's crumbling relationship. Tony apologizes but asks Gabe to step it up a bit. Be professional. Gabe takes it well, but he is touching his head the whole time. Gross. And now he's going back to cooking. Hats people! Wear hats! The shrinks get up and leave. Did they eat? Anyone see any food? Didn't think so. Whoops. For more Restaurant News, Links, Interesting Tidbits check out these sites: NBC's Official The Restaurant Page | Sirlinksalot's Restaurant Page You want to talk about The Restaurant? Well come to our Reality TV Forum |
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