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by The Trades Staff Published: January 20, 2005
We began with the triple threat of 18-year-old triplets Mandy, Erin, and Melissa Maynard. When Simon prompted them, Mandy and Melissa both agreed Erin was the best. They all sang "It's Rainin' Men" but Simon couldn't overlook their "overweight" appearance. The show is also not a group competition; the judges dismissed Mandy and Melissa, leaving Erin to fend for herself. Unfortunately, Randy was the lone 'yes' vote and all three girls went home rejected. "Can I ask you why you've eaten human flesh?" Paula posed that question to 25-year-old Katrina Rece. After responding that humans taste like bacon, we learned that Katrina's job involves talking to mental patients. Her rendition of "I Want to Dance" wasn't good enough. She left as Simon pondered whether Katrina could help the triplets...by eating part of them. After a brief interruption to see Ryan Seacrest painfully overthrow the first pitch, we returned to hear some painful auditions in which the judges just couldn't stop laughing. Baseball hall-of-famer Ozzie Smith's son stepped up to give a strong performance of "All I Do." He made it unanimously. His family loves him and his voice. Johnny Hayes sang "My First Love" but it became apparent that his family must be deaf. Simon thought he did a great "Pluto" but Walt Disney is owned by ABC, not FOX. He was sent packing. Music teacher and obvious caffeine-fanatic Angel Higgs arrived with one of her students. He'll perform later but Angel gave us "Ain't Nobody." The performance was over-the-top but Randy and Paula put her through to the next round. Simon believed she was just a backroom singer but Randy thought she was the best thus far. Randy definitely did not think our next auditioner was the best. Jessica Pontius believed she had the self-confidence, the look, and probably the voice needed to be the next big star. Her rendition of "Over the Rainbow" began a little weak but it was no indication of what was to come. I can only describe the rest like this: think of warbling bird that quickly alternates between low and very high notes. She finished her audition that way as the judges were, once again, unable to muffle their laughs. Simon enjoyed another laugh as Paula recommended she do voice-over work...as a rat. Joe Schoen arrived with his fan club complete with banners. Unfortunately, his profession, training cruise-ship singers, bled over into his performance. As Simon compared him to a cruise singer, Joe disagreed which irritated Simon. He had to go break the bad news to his fan club: no trip to Hollywood. The most popular song picked for St. Louis auditions was "Proud Mary." We were presented with another montage as a split-screen united three bad performances. Following the break, the painfully self-absorbed Aa'shia Jackson (pronounce it as a massacred version of "Asia") strolled in with her corn rolls covered by a black top hat singing the moment she opened the door. Although the judges agreed that she sounded like she had just inhaled helium, Randy and Paula thought she was unique and put her through to the next round. I agree with Simon: she was awful and I hope she is quickly eliminated. Maurice Thomas arrived next. I can't describe his singing but he was as equally confused that the answer was 'no.' He began to leave slowly before Simon just had to know why he couldn't believe it. Apparently, his family has told him that he sounds like Brian McKnight. Upon hearing that, Paula spit out her conspicuously-placed Coca-Cola. Maurice then sang a Brian McKnight song. I can't describe that one either. It's still a 'no.' The girl next door lives on a farm, feeds the cows, has never flown, and is ready for her close-up (and she is quite correct *wink*wink*). Twenty-one-year-old Carrie Underwood drove from Oklahoma to sing "I Can't Make You Love Me." It was extraordinary and virtually flawless. Randy suggested she work on her stage-presence but she was unanimously put through to the next round. Keep an eye on Carrie because she has "lovable star" written all over her. Music teacher Angel Higgs made it. Now, it's her student's turn. The confident 18-year-old Jeremy Wakefield sang "Ain't Too Proud to Be." Unfortunately, he ain't too good to be either. He was "too affected" and didn't make it. He took it well but Angel couldn't handle it. She sank to the floor and cried uncontrollably. She must have missed the Not The End of the World memo. Episode two ended with one of the most painfully embarrasing duos in American Idol history. Twenty-four-year-old Dirk Pearman and twenty-one-year-old Adam Pratt tried to be cool with a complicated hand-shake that didn't quite come off as planned. Dirk, the overweight comedian, and Adam, the oblivious nerd, had back-to-back auditions. Dirk was up first, opening with a starkly out-of-place "Hey Dog" to Randy. (The camera cut to the hallway where we see Adam being as obliviously nerdy as any human could be.) Dirk's bio revealed that he is obsessed with Baywatch. But what guy wouldn't be obsessed with the women of Baywatch, right? Well, not quite. Dirk is obsessed with just one Baywatch star: David Hasselhoff. Yes, you read that correctly. He then announced his choice of song: "Current of Love" by David Hasselhoff. Again, you read that correctly. The song went expectedly bad. Simon asked if it was a serious audition. Dirk puts 100% into everything he does and he vowed to return next year. After an awkward hug, it was Adam's turn. Apparently, Adam and Dirk compared notes on how to enter but Adam went a bit more in-depth. He entered with a "What's goin' down, dog?" as he flashed something reminiscent of a gang sign. (Just imagine a nerdy white guy wearing khakis with glasses trying to act like Randy and you'll get the idea.) After impersonating Simon, he tried to butter-up Paula by claiming his first musical memory was one of her songs. He stumbled over some of the facts of the song which got a roaring laugh from the judges and the off-camera crew. He selected "This I Promise You" as his song. Like Dirk, it went expectedly bad. He joined Dirk outside in dejection. The episode ended with Dirk and Adam vowing to be friends forever, as "That's What Friends Are For" played in the background. Fortunately, thirty-two contestants had the talent to make it through to the next round. Next week, American Idol moves to New Orleans, Louisiana. For a recap of the first episode, click here. Other Sites: American Idol | SirLinksaLot.net |
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