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Just Bite Me

I know last season I went on about how much of a freak show Season Two's finale was, but at least it beared some semblance to the tacky Trump we've all come to know and love. To the contrary, last night's finale was just plain ol' pathetic. Predictable, contrived, subdued, I thought for a second maybe I got the channels mixed up and was watching CSPAN. But then I saw the familiar faces: Carolyn, George, Trump all sitting People's Court style facing Kendra and Tana on the stand with former NetWorth and Magna candidates in their respective witness boxes. I thought there would be fireworks, excitement, maybe even a few notable troublemaking former season's cast-offs. (queue Omarosa) Instead, nada.

People of America: you have a right to be angry. For all the hyped up anticipation for this finale (like any given weekly "ER" promo)or like any intimate encounter of mine lately, this was all talk. So now, in an effort to assuage some of the misery this finale spawned, I've developed a list, similar to Letterman's "Top 10" of reasons this episode blew.

The List

After a 15 minute recap of the season, which amounted to a third of the show with the 5 minute commercial, I thought to myself, "Why does it take 15 minutes to say something which should only take 5?" Then I remembered this is a show about corporate America.

I know this is America, but does every female who becomes famous need to go blonder? During the commercial breaks, which occured every 5 minutes, I kept on seeing this girl who looked like Lindsay Lohan, but was way skinnier and blonder. And if this doesn't prove my point, just look at Tana, Kristen, Kendra, and the rest of the fake blondes who went blonder. It happens every season. Another candidate "goes corporate" and becomes a barbie.

Judge Judy is way more compelling than Trump. Next season, I nominate her to the stand to do the final boardroom. Trump's prosecution: "Kendra, you cried. I don't like people who cry." I mean we all know Kendra had this in the bag, as she's a yuppie and seemingly materialistic and young, but still, even for Trump, this was just lame.

When Trump queued the video of Kelly and Bill's achievements, I felt like i was watching some sort of propaganda film from the army that aired in the '40s. I mean aside from the fact that Kelly and Bill are the world's most boring cookie-cutter white bread men to walk the earth, who really wanted to see more misleading promos at this late in the game?

Did we really have to watch Tana be put through the ringer just for sh*ts and giggles? She made one mistake calling her team of idiots, "stooges" and not respecting individuals who aren't exactly respectable and she gets crucified for it. I wasn't impressed.

Shouldn't Tana have at least received the Pontiac Solstice since she's the one that came up with the actual shape of the Solstice brochure which is what made it so snazzy and marketable in the first place?

After hearing Erin's "We certainly weren't stooges. We were valued employees" comment, I fully understand what it takes to be a good laywer: the ability to not flinch when telling a lie.

On Kendra: I really refuse to believe the fact that a bunch of rejected apprentice wannabes were gung ho about getting her the apprenticeship. I also refuse to believe that she made no mistakes during the final task. I also refuse to believe that Kendra will be able to handle the sharks that Donald Trump handles. She couldn't even deal with Craig. Everyone mentioned that Kendra stayed under the radar until the final weeks. But somehow this was seen as acceptable. Is this a sixteen or three week job interview? Lets hope that Kendra and Chris get together to produce mutant children. Apparently Chris is safe now as he's been highly medicated to the point that he now has zero personality as was evidenced last night. I guess his personality was just "angry" after all.

And in case Trump didn't favor the gal enough. Let's talk final tasks. All in all, those two final tasks were not equivalent. Tana clearly had the more difficult task with the harder group to motivate.

The two prizes: Manage the Miss Universe pageant or renovate a mansion in Palm Beach were clearly conceived with Kendra in mind. As Kendra is from Palm Beach County, clearly she would pick this prize, just as Bill picked the Chicago prize, his hometown. NBC needs to get a little more original with their prizes. We might just start catching on to this trend. That is, if we haven't yet already.

My final point is a rather serious ongoing observation. While I don't think this season really boiled down to Streets vs. Books Smarts, I do happen to think that the overriding theme that shows like this illustrate is that you need to fit a mold, be a certain type to really succeed either on this show, or perhaps in broader terms in Corporate America.

As an example: As much as we know the unconventional hippie Danny wouldn't last very long on this show and he was highly inept overall, we also don't know how much of the editing led us to think this way and how much of the production is aimed at perpetuating stereotypes. It's easier for people to think in types and to a large extent, most of us form our first impressions based on pre-existing schemas we have. This is inevitable. I would hope however that in the course of 16 weeks, that we would perhaps be exposed to less superficialities and more substance. Substance has been lacking in spades the past two seasons and perhaps this is more representative of a larger issue in reality TV or television as a whole. After the first season, it's never quite the same, I suppose. This does not mean, however, we should sacrifice our standards. We deserved better last night, even from Trump. Shame on you Donald. And no, I will not be watching Martha in the Fall.