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The fourth season of Average Joe is subtitled "The Joes Strike Back." Actually, it could be subtitled "This Time We Promise She'll Pick a Joe!" This season, the Joes are stronger, the Hunks are more obnoxious, and the deck is stacked for a Joe to win. Will this finally be their year?
Meet the Joes
We started off with 22 Joes this season, who all assembled in a large gym, where they were met by ... Brian Worth, Fredo LaPonza, and David Daskal, three of the Joes from Average Joe: Hawaii. Brian welcomed the Joes with his traditional Bostonian "Howahya," and then assured the Joes that "there is honor in being called an Average Joe." Fredo fired up the troops, warning them not to be pushed around by the Hunks and also that "the producers on this show are sneaky bastards." David's advice was for the Joes to stay true to themselves. Brian finished the introduction by calling the Joes to arms with his own version of "In Flanders Field": "We started this job -- it's up to one of you guys to finish it."
Then the three former Joes sprang a surprise on the new Joes: four of them would be cut in the gym. To decide which ones to cut, the former Joes put the new Joes through a series of challenges: a dodgeball competition involving throwing balls at weighted bags with pictures of former hunks; a display of their special skills (e.g., magic tricks by Nick Parlin, or rhythmic gymnastics from Dante Alighire); a practice date with Larissa Meek, the beauty from Average Joe: Hawaii; and another dodgeball competition (the former Joes were determined that the Joes would not again lose a dodgeball match), this time with the Joes on the receiving end of balls hurled from an automatic throwing machine.
Not much to go on, but the judges made their cut. One of them was John Shaw, who is a genuine freak (as in puts on a freak show) -- how he got selected as an "average" Joe in the first place I'll never know!
The lucky eighteen were taken to their housing compound, where all the guys (particularly Igor Zhivotovsky) made a beeline for the food. They started trying to get a sense of each other and how they'd do living together -- Nick seemed a possible irritant with his incessant magic tricks, and people also weren't too sure of Dante. And, of course, they speculated about their upcoming meeting with Anna. Damian Muziani reflected that there's something unnatural about having a beautiful lady pick from guys like those in the house, and, in one of the best Joe lines ever, remarked that "somewhere Charles Darwin is rolling in his grave."
Meet the Beauty
Intercut with scenes of the Joes were scenes of this season's beauty, Anna Chudoba. She's a 26-year-old red-haired model/actress/entrepreneur who looks a bit like the younger, not-quite-as-beautiful-but-still-hot sister of Melana Scantlin, the beauty from the first Average Joe. She's just recently out of a nine-year period of non-datelessness (courtesy of three different long-term relationships), and what's a girl to do but go on a dating reality tv show?
We saw her enter her yacht (a four-story affair), and she was even brought to tears by the beauty of her bedroom there. She comes from a very normal family -- her family immigrated from Poland when she was young, and her father drives a semi -- so she wasn't just thinking of herself. "It just makes me happy to feel how happy they're going to be for me." (See?)
And she, like the Joes, speculated about the upcoming meeting. Having been taking night classes for the past couple of years, she hadn't seen any reality shows and didn't really know what to expect. (One might wonder if researching reality shows wouldn't be the first thing you'd do after being cast on one, but maybe she had finals.) What she did know was that she believes in love at first sight, and that she pretty much knows right away if she like somebody.
When the Joes Met Anna
And finally the big meeting took place! This time, the meeting was on the beach. Anna stood in the sand, practically quivering with anticipation, as the big Joe bus came rolling up.
Of course, first off was Dante, who, with his frizzy hair, odd glasses, and round body had the most atypical appearance of the group. Anna held it together pretty well, and expressed her appreciation for the small tinfoil rose he brought her. After that, there was the usual parade. Anna smiled and was gracious with everyone; the guys expressed their admiration for her after (or sometimes during) their meeting.
And after the bus drove off, Anna had a chance to express her feelings to the producers in private. She seemed to take it pretty well -- certainly better than Larissa in the Hawaii season. She started off by laughing ... a lot. Which made me warm to her a little. While she remarked to the producers hesitantly that the Joes are "not generally maybe the type of guy I would date, or maybe be physically attracted to," she did later reflect that she thought it would be hard to cut some of them. And, seeing the glass as half-full, she figured that at least she knew they weren't psychos, because they were prescreened by the producers.
Next was the traditional cocktail party. It's hard for the beauty (being the center of so much attention), it's hard for the Joes (trying to get enough face time with the beauty), and it's hard for the viewer (watching lots of people and only snippets of conversations). Notable moments of the night: Dante expressing his appreciation of Anna (and the other Joes wondering at Dante showing his softer side -- "This is a totally different Dante than the man we've been living with."); Anna showing a card trick to Nick the magician (who remarked in interview "I could jump for joy and get suck up there."); Anna telling Joshua Smith the carpenter that she has experience doing construction work as well.
I will say this for the cocktail party -- I usually do feel better towards the beauty afterwards, because I admire the social skills that each one has displayed in making the guys feel comfortable.
Saying Good-bye
At the end of the evening, Anna had to choose six guys to say good-bye to. Here are the ones who had to leave:
Aaron Feldon: No surprise here. Aaron described himself to Anna as the next best thing to JFK Jr. -- 'cause, he said, you know, JFK Jr.'s dead. Ugh. Actually, this guy is closer to the ultimate Average Joe Adam Mesh. Except he has way more attitude. In his departing interview, he said that "maybe something was a little rigged." Maybe not.
Harold "Solid" Gold: Also no surprise. First off, a nickname like "'Solid' Gold"? Not something to play up -- save it for your close friends. Plus, Anna was very put off that Gold told her that he was no longer employed because he came on the show, and that therefore she should pick him. That was too much pressure, she said, and I agree.
Damian Muziani: This one did surprise me. Damian seemed a solid, good guy who deserved spending some time to get to know. I wonder if she chose him to go because, at 36, he was ten years older than her, making him one of the older contestants (and looked it). He was very gracious in his departure.
Bill Parks: This was a little bit of a surprise. Anna said that she'd enjoyed talking to him, but it just didn't seem right. Bill handled his departure pretty well -- possibly because he'd said even before meeting Anna that, a red-head himself, he wasn't crazy about dating red-heads ("Two reds don't make a right.").
Matt Hoffman: My speculation? Matt left because he was short. He had a cute smile, and I think he'll do okay.
Nick Parlin: This was the real shocker departure. Based on editing, it seemed like Nick was going to be around for the long haul.
Makeover Magic
One of this season's twists is that some of the rejected Joes will receive makeover. Of tonight's rejects, the choice was Nick. (Of course! That explains the editing!). He met with a nutritionist and a personal trainer. A cosmetologist gave him an eyebrow wax ("Nick's eyebrows were real creepy."), and a dentist gave him veneers. He had some minor liposuction to make his eyes less puffy and to give him a more defined jaw. Nick met with a life coach, who explained things to him like talking about magic is alienating ("There's something really weird about that.") and leading with your failed past relationships is a bad idea. And he met with a hair stylist (who gave him sort of a Caesar) and got some new clothes from Hugo Boss.
And, at the end of the day, Nick looked like ... the younger brother of Zach Cohen, from the first Average Joe! Ack!
Final Thoughts
Hoo, boy! We've come a long way from our first round of Lovable Losers and Handsome Hunks competing for the Fair Lady's hand. These Joes are still lovable, but the loser quotient has definitely been reduced. The Hunks, based on previews for next week, are truly mean-spirited, not just another group of average guys with more-than-average looks as they were the first season. And the whole makeover aspect seems to fly in the face of the idealistic dream that the woman will choose a guy for his personality, not his veneers.
But we'll see how the season unfolds.
Here's my preliminary pick of Joes to keep your eye on: Josh Nachlas (dear heaven, this is example number one of how different these Joes are -- this guy has the type of craggy good looks that would make him perfectly at home in a Jewish Ralph Lauren ad; plus, he has a calm, intelligent air about him); Igor Zhivotovsky (self-confidence and personality galore -- it's hard to imagine having a boring evening with him); Gino Cafarelli (don't know why, but he just gave me a very sweet vibe in the little bit we saw of him this episode); Arthur Apicella (this season's Brian Worth -- a little dorky, a sharp commentator, and a definite romantic).
Average Joe: The Joes Strike Backis on Tuesdays at 8:00 p.m. Eastern time, on NBC (unless there's a Dateline special on the runaway bride or the President gives a speech or something). If you missed tonight's episode, check Bravo for an encore performance.