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by The Trades Staff Published: July 1, 2005
Juice Newton - "Queen of Hearts" Raul writes: I was never certain what to make of Juice Newton. Although I'm familiar with her music, I wasn't much of a fan the first time around. I suppose now that I'm older I'm a little bit mellower and this style of country-pop doesn't seem so abrasive to me. Juice's performance is very nicely done. The song is up tempo, melodic and catchy. And the woman has managed to age gracefully. Howard writes: Juice is in great shape -- which is more than I can say for the sound system. How many weeks does it take to fire a sound engineer? He must be related to the producers. But enough about him. Juice is back with a great modern look, and this song sounds (nearly, but not her fault) just as good as it ever did. Molly writes: This was one of the more unlikelier hits of the '80s. It sounds similarly quirky now, but it also sounds good. At a time when the Dixie Chicks, Lucinda Williams and Allison Krauss are popular, Juice Newton's style doesn't come off as anachronistic at all. Paul writes: Juice has aged gracefully but too much fresh air on her horses has caused her to lose the ability to enunciate words. She slurred her way through the first verses and the male harmony vocals totally overpowered her singing. Other than that, she did great! Animotion – "Obsession" Raul writes: As with "A Flock of Seagulls," I have an altogether freakish knowledge of this band's history. I know they went through some major lineup changes in their past so I wonder who will come out on stage tonight. I'm please - frankly, shocked - to see that it's the original lineup of Bill Wadhams, Astrid Plane and bassist Charles Ottavio. Plane hasn't aged well at all. For the sake of the show - I hope - she's dyed her hair a cornucopia of colors and teased it until it could generate enough static electricity to power a small village. Male vocalist Bill Wadhams, on the other hand, must have an aging portrait hidden in a closet somewhere. And not only does he look youthful, his voice sounds unchanged, as well. Plane's voice has weakened, though, and Wadhams clearly carries this song. The two strut and gyrate on stage like they did in the original video, but it just doesn't look right. I wonder if any of these moves were ever cool. Yet I have to give them credit. From the bio we get on the show, it looks like Wadhams hasn't been on stage in a long time, but he's moving around on stage like a pro. Howard writes: Another group that's stayed in decent physical shape, and another group fighting the sound system. This was one of the defining songs of my 80s years, a song to be sung at the top of your lungs while forgetting to keep your hands on the steering wheel. The male singer has still got it, but the female doesn't have the vocal power anymore, and her stage strutting had an on-again, off-again quality -- sometimes interesting, sometimes silly. Molly writes: Astrid Plane's vocals were pretty ragged, but Bill Wadhams held up better vocally than just about any other guy from the '80s. And while the duo's performance was a little over-the-top, I have to admit, it also was pretty hot! Looks like they did a lot of rehearsing before tonight. Paul writes: The accompanying music was way too weak and the vocals stood out too prominently as a result. What should have been a rockin' good time was considerably watered down though glimpses of lascivious behavior peeked through as lead singers Astrid Plane and Bill Wadhams pranced around the stage. It was nice to see that Plane had not turned very plain through the passage of time. Shannon – "Let the Music Play" Raul writes: I have to wait for the song to start to remember who this is. Yeah, I remember Shannon. But... damn! Was that feedback?! What the hell is wrong with the sound system? And, honestly, what's with Shannon? The backup singers carry most of this song. And near the end, Shannon drops down and gives us a couple of push ups. OK, girl, we get it. You're in shape. The crowning touch is when the host - whose name we shall not speak - speaks to Shannon after her performance and the girl plugs her upcoming CD. That's class with a capital "C". Howard writes: Please let the music play. Good lord, was that a squeal of feedback when Shannon started? An interesting dance ensemble cast, but nothing highlights your age more than surrounding yourself with much younger people. Shannon's own dance moves are nowhere near as good as her vocals, which are still strong. Molly writes: Shannon had a lovely smile. I'm sure she's a very nice person, and her voice sounded okay, but there was no star-power in that performance. She seemed like a (very unrealistically old) American Idol applicant. Maybe a step above karaoke. Paul writes: Entering the stage, her unflattering golden top made her look fatter than I think she really is. Her vocal talents are still very much present. The camera sure loved the dancers that cavorting around the stage. I don't know what was up with that push-up attempt, but I think it startled the audience a little bit. During her after-performance chat with host Vernon Kay, we found out that she's pushing a new album so that explained her high-quality work. P.M. Dawn - "Set Adrift on Memory Bliss" Raul writes: This song is famous for sampling Spandau Ballet's "True". Frankly, I'd rather have seen Spandau Ballet. But what's this? Something odd is occuring on stage. It seems front man Prince Be has to be helped across the stage and into a chair so he can perform. What's up with that? The song has a heavier hip-hop flair than I remember but is as melodic as ever. They do a pretty good job, but then again, they haven't exactly been off the radar for twenty years like some of their competition. Howard writes: Can we say it again? Fix the damned microphones! The rap intro was totally drowned out by the response rappers. I mean, it's not like I ever heard this song before (I keep waiting for them to break out in "I Know This Much Is True.") Not bad, but not super either. Molly writes: Okay, the one thing about this show is that I'm supposed to recognize all the songs! I don't like it when they pull out something I don't remember at all. I don't have any basis for comparison to know how well they held up. I was a little surprised to hear that they were brothers, since I think of brothers as having tighter harmonies. Paul writes: Two of the band members appeared to be assisting another down the steps and onto the stage during their introduction. An instant (and an awkward edit) later this person is seated in front of the microphone with no noticeable change in the background music. This clumsy beginning made way for a spirited recreation of their hit as they worked the crowd into the mood. Missing Persons – "Words" Raul writes: OK, c'mon! I have yet to be stumped on a single act on this show, but I'm beginning to wonder if anyone else knows who these people on stage are. Dale Consalvi (or is it Dale Bozzio?) seems to be the last surviving member of Missing Persons but you have to wonder why she even bothered. A former Playboy Playmate, her talents always rested in her looks (great for videos, not so great for singing). Those looks are now gone. Like Animotion's Astrid Plane, Dale has gone retro with her hair, adding many colors to her platinum locks. But she looks tired and haggered. And while P.M. Dawn's Prince Be probably had to be helped on stage because of a physical ailment, I suspect that Dale's staggering is artificially induced. The vocals are bad, but I didn't expect much. They were never good. Howard writes: I didn't think the Max Headroom vocal popping would work -- and in the verses, they really don't. But when she hits the chorus, and she really starts singing she becomes truly listenable. Weird shortening of the song, though. She also seems a little dazed that she's back on stage after an absence of nearly 20 years. Molly writes: Dale Bozzio's voice has disintegrated even more than Astrid Plane's! Idiosyncratic doesn't always hold up well. I wasn't crazy about Missing Person the first time around, and I didn't care for tonight's performance much either. The best part was watching the drummer, who seemed to be having a good time. Paul writes: As Dale Bozzio alone ascended to the stage the thought popped into my head that the "Missing Persons" must be the rest of her band! Alas, they were already with their instruments onstage and the former Playboy bunny was just getting the spotlight. She had a bit more clothes on than during her band's heyday yet the pink stripe in her hair was still prominent. Her poetic left arm swings during the performance were much more entertaining to watch than listening to her thin vocals. Juice Newton - "Pieces of Me" Raul writes: I thought this song choice was a mistake when I first heard it announced. I take no pleasure in knowing I was right. What the hell..? Is she trying to country-fy the song? If so, she has to try harder. Howard writes: After watching all the acts now, Juice Newton is the obvious leader. With this song, if she looks over her shoulder she'll won't be able to see the others at all. Excellent vocal control through the soft verses and strong chorus -- all while playing an instrument, which none of the other singers have had to do tonight. Molly writes: How did Juice Newton end up with this song? She gave it a little of an alt-country twang, and boy, it didn't work at all. I think she would have been fine with Dixie Chicks, or Jewel, but this just sounded like a mess. Paul writes: Again Juice mumbled the beginning words as she attempted this Ashlee Simpson hit. The performance got better as it got going, and it was interesting to observe the little folk variations in her vocal styling. She seemed to be off-key on some notes. Animotion - "Days Go By" Raul writes: Techno-pop dance hit! Perfect for Animotion... or so I thought. This song doesn't lend itself to two vocalists. In the hands of Bill Wadhams and Astrid Plane, "Days Go By" is transformed from soulful and pleading to raunchy. No, I don't like this at all. Howard writes: An interesting version, to be sure. She comes in haltingly when she starts the verse but quickly picks up strength -- you can even see her glance over at hubby when she's done with an "I did it!" gleam. The performance could only be helped if they'd stop trying to be Animotion and start concentrating on the singing. Molly writes: Oh. My. Gosh. What happened? Are they preparing for a "Worst of Hit Me, Baby"? They both sound horrible, and the dance moves are awful -- not sexy at all. Paul writes: This wasn't a very recognizable rendition of the Dirty Vegas song heard as the backdrop of a thousand Mitsubishi Eclipse commercials. I guess it was just weird actually hearing the lyrics versus the digitally manipulated vocals of the original. I didn't think it worked all that well. They wanted to be wild and crazy on the stage but didn't seem young enough to pull it off anymore. I did appreciate the guitar solo, though it was unremarkable. Shannon - "Foolish" Raul writes: An entirely unremarkable performance. Shannon make the right choice going with an R&B song. It seems to be her forte, but she again uses the backup singers as a crutch. Way to phone it in. Howard writes: Well, this certainly wasn't a foolish choice for Miss Shannon: she's nailing it vocally. But she lacks smoothness in her movements, with sort of a lean-forward-and-twitch dance. And the ending was almost unpracticed, as though the background singers weren't quite sure if the song was done yet. Molly writes: Now, this is professional! Shannon sounds smooth and sultry, and ready for the recording studio. Paul writes: The backup vocalists pretty much carried this interpretation of Ashanti's hit. The song began and ended with them, though Shannon got in a great vocal performance in the middle. This time there were no push-ups, no "pregnancy blouses", and the hair was pushed back to reveal her pretty face, so it goes without saying that aesthetically this performance was an improvement. P.M. Dawn - "Blurry" Raul writes: What song could P.M. Dawn possibly do that would lend itself well to their style of singing? I wonder if this is a good choice (partly because I can't remember the song until they actually start) but then I instantly recognize the Puddle of Mudd hit and I love what P.M. Dawn is doing with it. They change it only slightly to accommodate their harmonies but otherwise, the song is untouched, and it sounds beautiful. Howard writes: See, now these guys know how to hide a weakness. If you can't dance, sit. But those verses were weak and pitchy, and singing is the one weakness you can't hide on a singing competition. Nice chorus, and a surprise maneuver at the end with the roses -- maybe they did find a way to distract from the singing after all, because the roses came out at the worst and weakest. Molly writes: This was okay, I guess. I was so distracted by the pandering to the audience with gifts that it sort of overwhelmed anything I was hearing vocally. Paul writes: When they announced they were doing this song, it didn't seem like a good fit. Their performance told otherwise. This relatively laid-back interpretation totally worked and they effectively made it their own. Missing Persons - "Can't Get You Out of My Head" Raul writes: It's that annoying Kylie Minogue song. The only question is, what can Dale Bozzio do to make it even more annoying? Well, let's see. She can start by under-vocalizing (you can't hear her, half the time). Then toss in a few miscues. And then there's the ever present problem of her shot voice. Might as well have Abe Vigoda singing "la la la... la la lala la..." Howard writes: She's succeeded in doing something I could never do before: get this song out of my head. Now when I get this earworm, I just have to hear the Missing Person's version and my brain will either evict the song or go running off screaming on its own. Either way I win. What can I say about this version? I honestly haven't seen a song done this badly on this show since the first night. You can even hear the band speed it up near the end to get this over with. Thank you band! Molly writes: Make it stop. Please? Tech crew, it's not like anyone would be surprised if you somehow made the mikes go dead. Oh, well -- at least I got some good views of the drummer. Paul writes: Dale's left arm was still a-swingin', but her weak vocal performance couldn' t overcome this monotonous song choice. As Raul would say—SNOOZE! It was great to see band members actually playing their instruments, this time in a drum solo. However, it was kind of sloppy and the segue back into the chorus was timing-impaired. Winners and Losers Raul writes: What to make of tonight's performances? What to make of the entire season? The host was a sucky, annoying kiss-ass. The series had constant sound problems (it's like they recorded the show, went home, and never thought to watch what they had on tape!) And more often than not, we were subjected to torture by bands who shouldn't have reunited (some shouldn't have ever gotten together in the first place.) The nostalgia center of my brain is demanding I pick Animotion as tonight's winner, but their performance certainly doesn't warrant that. Instead, I have to choose P.M. Dawn. They delivered two solid performances. It looks like the audience agrees. Good thing. Usually they just vote for the last act to come up on stage. If Missing Persons had won, there would have been a riot in L.A. tonight. Howard writes: Juice Newton is the clear winner of tonight based on talent, with Shannon pulling up a not-too-distant second. Animotion and Missing Persons succeeded in turning the glory days of my halcyon youth into a joke. The audience, however, must have had headphones on and listening to another show entirely. But with a donation to the Juvenile Diabetes Foundation, I shouldn't gripe. Molly writes: No clear winner of the night, in my opinion. My choice would, surprisingly, be Shannon -- I thought her second song was strong enough to warrant it. I was very surprised by the P.M. Dawn victory -- maybe prezzies for the audience worked? Or maybe the audience just liked them best. They did manage to avoid the major missteps that plagued the others. Paul writes: When members of P.M. Dawn were handing out roses to audience members, I knew they were lobbying for votes. Apparently that tactic was successful as they were voted the winners tonight. As this series ends, the real winners are the viewers. I feared the show would poke subtle fun at how our beloved artists from yesteryear had aged but I was pleasantly surprised at the respect they were all given by host and crowd alike. Host Vernon Kay has taken some getting used to, with his Hulk Hogan pump-up-the-crowd ministrations and queer pronunciations of musician names (like tonight, where Animotion sounded like Padme Amidala uttering "Ani, hold me like you did by the lake on Naboo."). Still, the "where are they now" segments were interesting, and it was great fun watching our favorite artists hitting us, baby, one more time, whether with a train wreak or pure music to our ears. Tonight's winner: P.M. Dawn Other sites: Hit Me Baby One More Time | Sirlinksalot.net |
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