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The Mother of All Surprises

This week, Anna's two suitors, Hunk Rocky Fain and Joe Nathan Griffin, went on surprise dates. The surprise was that the dates weren't with Anna, but with her mother! And in each case, she went on the same date that her daughter went on last week.

So first up, Rocky and Mom went mountain biking and then picnicking by a waterfall. Rocky felt pretty awkward with Mom at the site of his passionate kissing with Anna! "It's just plain weird," he commented to the camera. Mom didn't make it much easier on him, either. She questioned him about his future ambitions (such as they were), his dating history, and even got him to admit he'd cheated on girls in the past. "That's not a good thing!" she told him. He admitted that it was not, and that he'd made mistakes. The apology didn't seem to carry much weight to her. She was also concerned that he didn't seem to be interested in her, or ask her any questions. And overall, she said, "I'm just feeling that something is missing."

Mom's date with Nathan went a little better. Nathan was delighted to meet Anna's mom. "I'm good with mothers," he confided. As before, it was jetskiing followed by discussion by the pool. Nathan revealed that he used to work as a nuclear missile electrician in the Air Force. However, as he explained to the camera, he left after completing his service because "war for me is almost pointless, you know, so for me to be working on nuclear missiles, it felt wrong, because it's not something I believed in. I didn't support what they stood for." He indicated that his parents might not agree; we didn't hear Anna's mom's reaction (or if he even gave her the long answer). However, she was impressed by him as a nice and funny guy, and as someone who cared about his family. And of course she loved it when he asked to see pictures (which she just happened to have) of a young Anna. "It seems like he cared where we're coming from," she remarked, with her Polish accent.

Finally, Mom had a chance to talk with Anna, who was delighted to see her mama there. Mom told us that she couldn't tell Anna what to do, but she was still happy to give her thoughts on the guys. She said that both of them were nice, of course, and they both told her that they cared about Anna very much. She thought that Rocky was very handsome (Anna agreed), but she also let Anna know Rocky had cheated previously, which shocked Anna. "You can't be deceived by their look. You know that," Mom warned. "We girls, most of the times we go after looks. But you have to look at the true person."

Mom had no problem "looking at the true person" with Nathan, singing his praises to Anna. And for good measure, she pointed out to Anna that Nathan was cute too.

However, in the end, the decision is Anna's. (But I'm still awfully glad that Mom showed up to give her input. I really enjoyed seeing her, I think it provided Anna with good feedback, and it also made Anna a bit more human to me. So, even though she didn't seem entirely comfortable being filmed, big thanks to Anna's mom for her participation.)

Final Date: Rocky Fain

Rocky and Anna started their date on the beach. Anna questioned Rocky about what she'd learned about his past infidelity. Rocky freely admitted that he'd done that, blaming it on "low self-esteem" driving him to do stupid things. "I know it's no excuse, but it's the best explanation I have." But he gets points from me and from Anna for squarely admitting his mistake and saying that he'd learned from it. And he swore he wouldn't do it again.

With the serious talk over, Anna and Rocky played in the water, and resumed kissing. "The passion that Anna and I share is rare," Rocky said in interview, and they took advantage of it.

In the evening Rocky and Anna had dinner in a bungalow. Anna was hoping to see Rocky loosen up and joke around, as she's seen him doing with his friends, instead of always being soap-star perfect. I hope she wasn't too disappointed when he turned to her and said, "I can tell you tonight that I am incredibly intrigued by you. I love every moment that I have with you. I would be devastated if I don't have a future with you, and I hope that you feel the same way." For her part, Anna admitted that she felt more scared around Rocky than around any of the other guys, probably because she liked him more than the others.

Rocky and Anna had a hard time having their date come to an end. "It's so rare," Anna said, "that my heart thumps, like Rocky makes it thump." Rocky couldn't believe that Anna could have the kind of passion with another man that she and he shared. He told Anna, "I hope you have a wonderful time with your friend (double-underline) Nathan tomorrow. I hope he turns out to be such a good friend (double underline), and he can be my friend, and it'll be great." Finally, after more smooching, Rocky left. Sighing at the door, Anna whispered, "I really like him." She also remarked, "Nathan has to do this to me too. He has to make me feel this good."

Final Date: Nathan Griffin

Nathan and Anna's final date started with a trip up into the mountains, and it didn't get off to an auspicious start. Nathan was nervous about the competition, and wasn't as talkative as usual. (Last week, Nathan had said he had nothing to lose, so there was no pressure; I guess this week he felt like he did have something to lose.) Anna was reduced to asking him what sort of movies he likes. Answer: Indie movies -- and so does she. She remarked in interview that she thinks she and Nathan have a lot in common, and similar tastes, but she was still feeling a weird vibe on this date.

At the top of "Magic Mountain," Nathan realized that this was their last date, and opened up a little bit. He quoted Khalil Gibran ("Think not you can direct the course of love. For love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course."), and they kissed. "It felt like we were a couple," he said.

Then they hung out by the pool for a bit. Nathan confessed in interview that he'd been careful not to go swimming on his dates. "I'm not quite the beefcake. I'm more like the cupcake," he quipped. More seriously, he admitted, "I want her to see me, I want her to see that I am confident, but at the same time -- I'm scared. I'm scared. I can't get around it." Anna noticed his insecurity in this regard, and that was another thing that made her feel weird and awkward.

Over dinner, Anna impressed Nathan by having remembered to retrieve from the truck a pineapple they'd picked earlier. However, Nathan still continued his withdrawn ways. Anna questioned him closely about how he seemed nervous or scared, and he admitted he was. He told her that sometimes he worried about being accepted, and sometimes not being accepted, but usually the latter. He'd always been considered the weird kid, and he's still called weird sometimes, which upset him.

"I don't think you should be afraid. I think you're a great guy," Anna told him. She also said that when she was a kid, she'd been teased a lot, but now she loves to be different. (I don't know if "model/actress different" really counts, Anna!) "I don't care what anybody says."

Finally, Nathan told Anna his feelings. "Right now, I'm going to tell you that I really like you." Anna appreciated hearing from "the real Nathan" and felt that "that's when the date began." "I want to go and I want to watch cheesy romantic independent films with you. I want to walk down the sidewalk holding hands, and I want to see where this is going to go. That's what I want. What do you want?" Nathan asked. Anna leaned forward for a kiss. "It was magic," Nathan exulted. "When you ask somebody what do you want, and they tell you 'you,' you can't help but feel amazing." (Well, she didn't exactly say she wanted Nathan, but I'll let that slide.)

Decision Time!

And now it's time for Anna to make her decision! Anna waited on a dock for each of the guys to arrive in turn. One would sail away with her, and the other would fly home from Tahiti. The show gave us a bunch of Hamlet-esque dithering from Anna, but I'll spare you that, gentle readers, and get to the good part.

First to arrive was Rocky. Now, ordinarily this would be good news for Joe fans. However, the show faked us out in both Average Joe and Average Joe: Hawaii by having the Hunk arrive first and having the beauty choose the Hunk.

Anna looked at Rocky, and said, "I've had such a great time with you here in Tahiti. I'm so attracted to you and love being in your arms. I forget about everything that's around me. It's so hard for me to make a choice. And I have to say good-bye to you."

Rocky was crushed, and confused. "I told her to follow her heart, and I guess she has," he admitted. Back in the car, he sobbed, heartbroken.

Now we could all relax when Nathan rolled up. Anna told him, "I have learned so much -- so much about myself. And there's something wonderful you told me, and I've never tried it before. And I think that's probably why all my relationships have failed. And I'm taking your advice. I think you should become friends with somebody first, before you establish a relationship. I'm not promising you anything. I know we have a lot in common. And I think I'd really like to get to know you better. Will you stay with me here?"

Finally, the Average Joe has won the girl! (Sort of. No promises.)

Final Thoughts

The producers gave us "updates" on various participants. "Anna and Nathan sailed away together, taking it one day at a time. Rocky has an audition next week for Days of Our Lives. Chris Carson and Mike Pugliese recently were named Reality TV's hottest couple. (At that point, I began taking the updates with a grain of salt!) Craig Thrasher called the model he fooled around with on the sting at the bar for consolation. Dante Alighire is rumored to be dating Paris Hilton (whereabouts unknown). Arthur Apicella submitted his "Anna Song" to P. Diddy ... and is still awaiting a response. Igor Zhivotovsky lost 10 lbs. ... of back hair. Josh Abston finally stopped crying.

And look! It's the Old Joes! "To all the guys from 3 seasons ... Thanks." (I guess they don't count Season 3, "Adam Returns.") Sounds like the producers aren't counting on a Season 5 -- possibly because Fredo has filed suit against NBC for taking his idea of making over the Joes? Or maybe it's just that finally the Average Joe has won, so they don't need to continue.

Whatever the reasoning, I'll just echo their final thoughts ... Thanks, guys, for putting yourself out there -- on our screens, and in the dating world!