 |
|
| Home · Reviews · Interviews · Contests · Blog · Forums · Follow Us On Twitter |
|
by Caroline Roberts Published: October 13, 2005
Perhaps it was last week's glimpse of Mean Martha. Remember when she brandished a large knife while talking to CBS' Jane Clayson on the "Early Show"? When, instead of answering questions about her legal troubles, she snapped, "I want to focus on my salad, because that's why we're here." We saw a little of that Martha when she made sure that Shawn got fired last week, and we want to see more of her. The Battle of Turkey Hill Road Martha videos into the conference room from her residence on Turkey Hill Road. She's "working on a project" and is too busy to be there in person. Working from home, feeding the horses - how many euphemisms can she coin for "house arrest"? But Martha turns lemons into lemonade by describing her renovation of her Turkey Hill home. The teams must build their own Turkey Hill using an empty two-bedroom suite at the Westin, and they have to develop a "lifestyle suite." She says the suite can have any theme, including "love." No, Martha, let's not go there - the audience doesn't need to see Jim's interpretation of a love suite. However, no matter what the theme, the teams must demonstrate that they have vision. In a twist, Charles and Alexis ask for a volunteer from Primarius to take charge of Matchstick. Leslie scores points by falling on the sword. Leslie has been rather quiet thusfar, and Amanda immediately admits that she won't miss Leslie in the slightest. Of course, Amanda takes over as the project manager for Primarius. She has the vision of "Westin Entertains!" It sounds like a recipe for can-can girls at the Moulin Rouge, but what the hey. Then Amanda begins to impose her own tastes on the other members of the team. Carrie offers her suggestions for a color scheme, and they aren't half bad, but Amanda rejects them because she cannot imagine that an executive can be creative. Then again, she forgets all too quickly that Primarius won the first challenge precisely because they were so creative. The Dirty Igloo Bathroom Leslie tries to gather ideas for Matchstick, but the blundering music suggests that problems lie ahead. Oddly enough, Matchstick, the team that always has time for fighting, thinks that Leslie is wasting valuable minutes. By the time they settle on the theme of F.L.O.W. (For Leisure or Work), the contractors who are supposed to carry out their designs have been sitting on their behinds for a good, long time. But the contractors over at Primarius' suite are busy making everything look ugly. Seriously. Primarius is well on its way to making the ugliest hotel suite of all time. The bathroom wallpaper disgusts Howie: "It's like Atlantic City on crack!" Actually, it looks more like a dirty igloo, and it can't be much fun to go to the bathroom in a dirty igloo either. Matchstick is still finding furniture, and Leslie learns a hard lesson about managing contractors because they have to leave at midnight. As a result, the decidedly unhappy Matchstick must paint the apartment themselves, and Dawn rebels outright. Leslie labels Dawn "the laziest person in the entire loft." Amanda takes the opposite tack when dealing with her team - she gives them the classic meaningless corporate reward. In the morning, she tells the other members of Primarius that they are "some of the sharpest people I know." She whips out a handful of pencils and announces: "I sharpened some pencils just for you!" Somewhere, Dilbert is hanging himself. As the clock ticks, Matchstick is in a bind. The furniture that Bethenny ordered is running late, and the truck driver can't get to the hotel in time. Westin Executives and a focus group arrive at the hotel, and Amanda, who is in her finest stewardess garb, presents her "Westin Entertains!" suite. Buh-bye. Matchstick has no sofa and no stewardess. Leslie greets the Westin team and tries to sell the room while pretending there's no couch. She sells the F.L.O.W. theme as if her life depended on it: "We didn't put in a lot of fluffy sofas because you expect that. We made everything simple and hidden. We didn't want complexity. We're focusing on zero gravity." To her credit, she sells with all her heart. One could only imagine what Shawn would have done to the F.L.O.W. Yet the focus group isn't exactly forgiving. Even though the suite looks good, it's still somewhat empty, and one guy sums up, "This reminds me of the first apartment I had in college when I couldn't afford the furniture." Then Martha arrives at the Westin. She's wearing leather, which should be a sign that she is in full-on dominatrix mode. Matchstick gains credit for "openness," according to the Westin team, but the winner is Primarius yet again, despite the Dirty Igloo bathroom. Alas, in the beginning of the show, Ryan of Primarius says, "No matter how bad we do, they're always going to do worse." He may be right. Discipline and Punish Dawn is all ready to go to the conference room, but she's ready to fight in true Dawn style. She calls Leslie a "jackass." Leslie calls Dawn an "anchor." Bethenny is in the mix because she was in charge of the furniture. Get ready for the blame to be tossed around like a hot potato. As expected, the team gangs up on Leslie for her lack of time management skills, but it comes out that Dawn woke up late for finishing the suite. Martha is appalled. Dawn says she is a "heavy sleeper," but Martha Stewart is a woman who has no pity. Martha howls, "If I were applying for a job, I would be up!" Charles and his Cigar don't have any pity either. He's fed up with Dawn: "You keep this up, you're going to have a lot of time to sleep!" Martha delivers the zinger seen on so many television promos: "I don't want to lose my patience. You don't want to see me lose my patience." When Bethenny, Dawn, and Leslie return to the conference room, I expected Martha to go into a full-on "No wire hangers!" moment. Leslie inoculated herself by leaving Primarius for Matchstick, and, really, Bethenny couldn't control traffic to get the furniture there on time. Dawn is the one holding the wire hanger. However, Alexis outdoes her mother with a brilliantly executed backhanded compliment. She tells Dawn with a straight face, "I like you because I'm usually the person everyone likes least on the team." Ouch. Martha let me down a little because she was building to a roar, but she's unexpectedly tender to Dawn. Perhaps she always knew that Dawn didn't stand a chance: "Dawn, this is the fourth loss. Again, you're making excuses. Something is wrong. You don't seem to be functioning as a member of the team. You just are not effective." Next week: In one of the worst network puns ever, NBC declares that "Someone's gonna get tossed!" Yes, they're selling salad dressing. Links The Apprentice: Martha Stewart Sirlinksalot.net |
|||||||||||||||||||||
| Copyright © 1997-2010 Burlee LLC. All rights reserved. | Reprints | Privacy Policy | Disclosure | About Us/Contact Us | RSS Feed |