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by Caroline Roberts Published: October 17, 2005
How about becoming addicted to Vicodin? While riding in the car with Danny, the producers ask, "Could you give us an idea of what the recommended dosage of Vicodin would be and where you're at?" As usual, Danny has a perfectly glib response: "One every four to six hours, and I'm right on schedule if it were about seven days from now." Whether or not this man is for real or playing it up to the cameras, he still cannot let go of his years as the wisecracking kid, the little boy on a sitcom who had a pat answer for everything. It's as if he is pulling lines from a bag of scripts, desperately trying to be on the Partridge Family again. Except the Partridge Family is long gone, and, even if it were still on the air, the show has no room for a drug-addled, immature man-child. Take the Keys, Call a Cab, Take a Stand Danny's been drinking too much yet again, and, when it is time for him to head home, the Assistant Director offers to drive. But Danny actually gets his keys into the car and wheels it backward. He's testing the crew to see how much he can get away with, and, thankfully, they sacrifice some good footage to get him out of the car. The producer can be heard saying, "Would you turn the camera off and help me get the keys, please?" And the screen goes black. VH1: 1, Danny: 0. On her way to a visit with Dr. Garry, Gretchen admits it's been a "roller-coaster week." She considers the impact of the divorce and is worried that their daughter, who idolizes Daddy, will blame her for the split. As always, kids know when their parents are in trouble. In Dr. Garry's office, she tells him that Isabella said, "I can fix this! I can fix this!" Dr. Garry takes a deep breath because he knows full well he must do something Danny won't like: "I feel without a commitment to clarity and sobriety, I don't know that we have much of anything." Dr. Garry is ready to confront Danny about his addictions. In the first time of the therapy, Dr. Garry is asking Danny to make a serious change instead of explaining his way out of bad behavior. Gretchen may need to make some changes as well because she blames herself for Danny's problems. Gretchen utters a heartbreaking line: "I wish I knew what was making him so unhappy…. Do you think maybe it is me? Do you think he would be happier with someone else?" Danny's really trained her to blame herself. Dr. Garry vows to have a "serious talk" during Danny's private session. The "serious talk" must have been a smack-down of impressive proportions: "Citing serious ethical concerns, Dr. Garry insisted that his solo session with Danny not be filmed. The resulting therapy ended with Dr. Garry's refusal to continue working with Danny until he received treatment for his drinking and drug addiction." Whatever Dr. Garry did, he did a good job. VH1 should be admired for its restraint, because if anything makes Danny behave badly and rebelliously, it's a camera. Dr. Garry was probably able to convince Danny precisely because the cameras weren't around. The show cuts quickly to Danny at work, and he announces on the air that he is going into rehab. It's a miracle that he's held his job this long. Being a radio dee-jay actually requires some concentration to avoid dead air. The radio station must also be patient because Danny will be drying out for 30 days. (He is no longer with that station, which hasn't been mentioned in "Breaking Bonaduce.") When the camera is fully focused on Danny again, it's Smart Aleck City: "In my youth, a pharmacy looked like a buffet to me, but for the last 10 years it's been alcohol. I'm a raging alcoholic!" He looooves letting it all hang out to anyone who will listen. That includes the tattoo artist. Danny stops by the parlor to request a date on his arm and treats the poor guy like a regular Dr. Garry. He goes into great detail about the date and wants advice on which date he should have inked into his arm: "Do I want the date of my last drink or the first day of my sobriety? What kind of retard checks into rehab sober? So we can't go with tomorrow's date!" Meanwhile, Gretchen dines with friends, and one friend tells her "I think you've stayed too long, but that's just me." The other friend says is worried that if she tells Gretchen to leave, Danny will make her break off the friendship. One look at the friends reveals that Gretchen runs with a far more normal crowd than Danny. Who knows where she would be now if she hadn't had a chance encounter with Danny? Show Up and Grow Up! Dr. Garry tells Gretchen that Danny has a high IQ and a "genius mentality." Well, being a fast talker doesn't make a person smart, but Dr. Garry might have more experience with geniuses than reality TV columnists. However, Dr. Garry reveals a flash of what he may have told Danny in the private session: "Show up and grow up! It's fine to stay like that, but don't become a husband and don't become a father. You wanna stay James Dean? Don't get married, die early, and don't have children. Because that's not attractive anymore. That's actually pathetic. It's a sad situation to see a 40 or 45 year old man who's drunk and not living up to the responsibilities of being a husband and a father." Before leaving for rehab, Danny lectures the crew and tells them it's weird that they're following him around because he "needs a job after this." But he doesn't mind letting the crew watch him explain why he is going to rehab to his children. Dante's not old enough to understand, but watching Isabella try to be an adult about the whole situation is too much. She's being forced too grow up too fast. Danny even talks to her as if she is an adult: "I've always been square with you in the past. You can only drink like a gentleman for so long until something bad happens." When Danny pulls into rehab, VH1 cues music to indicate trouble ahead. For once, they set aside the Death Cab and play the more obscure TV on the Radio - the rumbling sounds of "Staring at the Sun" shows trouble lies ahead because the rehab isn't going to be as forgiving as Gretchen. Even though the staff psychiatrist wears a pink overcoat to show off for the camera crew, these guys are professionals, and Danny is going to have to get serious. But he's been in rehab before … |
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