 |
|
| Home · Reviews · Interviews · Contests · Blog · Forums · Follow Us On Twitter |
|
by Caroline Roberts Published: December 17, 2005
Survivor: Guatemala - The Mayan Empire 1. Most Used to Winning: Danni. Wow, who knew she was a successful beauty queen? I'd say she's won enough already, but she was an excellent competitor, and she proved that no one backstabs quite like a beauty queen. 2. Most Legitimate Complaint: Judd, of all people. Even though his brains couldn't quite catch up with his rage, he yelled at Steph, "You lied to my wife!" She sure did, and her stammering response was just another nail in her coffin. 3. Most Likely to Ride a High Horse: Rafe. One of the best Survivor players I've seen, but was he ever sanctimonious about eating the Mayan sacrificial chicken! You'd think they were killing a tribal leader in cold blood. 4. Most Shrublike Hair: Steph. You can take the girl out of Jersey, but you ... oh, nevermind. 5. Most Desperate to Win a Beauty Contest: No, not Danni, silly! Bobby Jon! 6. Most Flagrant Use of a Muscle Shirt: Jamie ... didn't your momma tell you to dress better for tribal council? 7. Most Endorsed Product: The Torrent, whose name was uttered so often that people might mistake the word "Torrent" to mean a new car. 8. Most Appropriate Description of Survivor: Evicted castmate Brandon summed up the entire show as "one big, blurry ass-whoopin!" The Amazing Race: Family Edition 1. Most Unthreatening Line: When Momma Weaver hollered at the Linzes, "Are you sorry you wasted your Yield? You will be!" Obviously, they weren't sorry since they won the game and walked home with the prize. 2. Most Threatening Line: When Wally Bransen mutters "I'm gonna kick somebody's ass" when his daughters push him over the edge at the Stade Olympique. 3. Most Burly Player: You might think it's any of the Linz brothers. You might think it's Michelle Godlewski. But it's really Papa Paolo, who hauled tremendous clusters of bananas around on his shoulders. 4. Most Tolerant In-Law: Papa Aiello. How many fathers-in-law are willing to travel with the husbands of their baby girls? 5. Most Obnoxious Moment: Photo finish: Stassi Schroeder, who called the Weavers "white trash." Then, the Weavers, who called the Paolos "retards." Tiebreaker: When the Weavers tell Phil: "It's really frustrating because these people are classless. [We're] the only family that's trying to lead a Christian life, and it's really hard." Good job, Weavers! You win this dubious achievement! 6. Most Savvy Local: Ted, aka "Jesus of Montreal," the taxi driver who was a huge help to the Weavers. He even gives them advice on curling. He deserves a fat tip. 7. Most Mature Players: In a landslide, free ice cream cones go to the two Gaghan kids, who hardly whined or sassed. 8. Most Likely to Start Dating After the Show: A Linz Boy and a Bransen Girl. If Poppa Bransen hadn't been around, their destination would have been Make Out City. The Apprentice: Martha Stewart 1. Most Brutal Insult: From Martha to Jim - "My best wishes to your patient family." 2. Most Mysterious Fashion Sense: Howie. How can he run a fashion business and pick such ugly clothes for a runway show? And how can he wear that ugly green sweatband on national television? 3. Most Clueless: Carrie. Bethenny gives her a chance to get a little more face time on the show, but Carrie's still mad that Bethenny trashed her in the board room. Uh, this is a chance to shine in front of Martha Stewart, and you're going to mess it up? 4. Most Flagrant Use of Cleavage: Carrie. She's also unfamiliar with the concept of business attire. 5. Most Clever Use of String: Jim, when he whips up a noose to show what Bethenny is doing to herself as project manager. 6. Most Gratuitous Flashback: The photo album Bethenny and Dawna looked at before picking their teams. Was it in all the rejects' contracts that they appear at least once in a glamour shot? 7. Most Unpopular Popular Kid: Bethenny mocked Dawna for being uncool, but who had trouble picking people to help her in the final task? Even Jim said Bethenny had no friends! 8. Most Deserving of a Win: Okay, okay, so Martha called all the candidates "inappropriate," but Dawna brings order to all of her tasks and seems to understand the basics of running a business. Martha and her Minions might find her uninspired, but has the Original Apprentice Alexis really contributed earth-shattering ideas on the show? No. Dawna is the embodiment of a right-hand woman and might be an asset to MSLO. Reality News Let's look into the future to see what's in store for next season - including potential Toasty winner! Now, this is has "Toasty" written all over it. ABC has already replaced one of the Dancing With the Stars 2 contestants ... with his father. Rapper Romeo has been sidelined with a basketball injury, and his father, Master P, has decided to step into his dancing shoes. Master P is a rapper and owner of No Limit records, and his albums have titles like Mama's Bad Boy and Ghetto Postage. One wonders how he will mingle with George Hamilton. Speaking of bad boys, they'd better start running because the world's coolest Christian bounty hunter will be around for another season. A&E has announced that they are welcoming back Dog the Bounty Hunter, his brood, and his stockpile of mace. If you haven't seen it, definitely watch the next season because Dog the Bounty Hunter is like COPS, professional wrestling, and Hawaii Five-O all rolled up in one. Alas, for every Dog, viewers lose Growing Up Gotti and Airline, which have been cancelled. One reality show is in no danger of being cancelled, but some people aren't very happy about it. Laguna Beach residents are angry at the attention the reality show of the same name has brought to their town. How many of you knew that Laguna Beach was and is a thriving arts community instead of a resort full of glistening, youthful hardbodies? These residents are out to reveal another side of their beach community, according to the UK's Telegraph: "Long-term residents say the series is a distortion of everything they value about their 100-year-old town, a creative getaway that has drawn such figures as Bette Davis, John Steinbeck and Tennessee Williams." The article also mentions that wealthy families are moving to Laguna Beach so their kids have a better chance of being on the show, and one father claims that he's heard of girls having plastic surgery so they can get on camera. The Laguna Beach kids may be able to handle rumors and catfights, but can they handle these locals? Finally, as if they weren't dysfunctional enough, the Jackson Family is trying to hop on the reality-show gravy train. Tito is out to turn the Jackson Family name into a brand you can trust once more. In case you have trouble remembering who's who in the Jackson Family, Tito was the guitar player for the Jackson Five. He would like the world to learn about his sons' struggle to become a pop sensation. Of course, Tito and Company have found a way to work Michael in the pitch: "One of the obstacles they face is the notoriety their uncle Michael encountered in various courtroom battles during the past decade." No word yet if Dr. Garry from Breaking Bonaduce will be on hand to make Michael a smidge less crazy. Links Sirlinksalot.net - Reality Television The Amazing Race 8 The Apprentice 4 The Apprentice: Martha Stewart But Can They Sing? Celebrity Poker Showdown Dancing With the Stars 2 Extreme Makeover: Home Edition Survivor: Guatemala |
|||||||||||||||||||||
| Copyright © 1997-2010 Burlee LLC. All rights reserved. | Reprints | Privacy Policy | Disclosure | About Us/Contact Us | RSS Feed |