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by Caroline Roberts Published: January 2, 2006
This season's especially promising celebs include D12 member Bizarre, ex-"Cosby Kid" Tempestt Bledsoe, Cher's kid and gay-rights activist Chastity Bono, Taxi and The Bold and the Beautiful cast member Jeff Conaway, '80s sex symbol Kelly LeBrock, sitcom sidekick Countess Vaughn, gagwriter and Hollywood Square Bruce Vilanch, and rapper Young MC. The same fitness team from Celebrity Fit Club 2 returns to whip the out-of-shape celebrities into shape. All of them have been tested by the strange behaviors of the celebrity species, so they can handle whatever challenges lie ahead. Each member of the fitness team represents an aspect of health. The exercise expert is the angry, vein-popping Drill Sargeant Harvey Walden, who has tangled with the flabby Willie Aames. The diet expert is the impossibly good-looking Dr. Ian Smith, who dispenses diet advice and who must tolerate the shameless advances of the celebrities. The most important member of the team is Dr. Linda Papadapoulos, who handles the fragile egos of the famous. Last season, she wrangled Jani Lane out of his alcoholism. Finally, Ant, who seems to be a professional at being himself, returns to show off his sassy side. But what is Celebrity Fit Club 3 without some celebrities who are hungry for a comeback? Meet each celebrity, who appears in order of body weight, from lightest to heaviest. Countess Vaughn, 130 lbs: Moesha's buddy isn't satisfied with looking like a normal person, and she wants to graduate from sidekick to hot chick. She wants to prove that she can be as pretty as the women on the cover of Smooth magazine. Then again, she isn't a big girl in the first place. Most weight charts would say that Vaughn is at the high end of the scale for a woman who is four-feet-eleven. But she is technically not overweight and not obese. Is it legal to put a woman of her size on the show in the first place? Granted, Americans are overweight, but this is ridiculous. She needs some self-esteem coaching from Dr. Linda, not diet tips from Dr. Ian. Kelly LeBrock, 175 lbs: Don't hate her because she's still beautiful, even if there's more of her to love. LeBrock may be bigger than she used to be, but she still has a sense of humor that she probably earned from hanging out with Anthony Michael Hall in "Weird Science". During the pre-show feast, she toasts her castmates with "Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow, we starve." When she steps on the scale for her first weigh-in, she jokes, "I didn't realize how heavy I was until you guys called me." What's refreshing about LeBrock is that she freely admits what shows like Celebrity Fit Club are all about - giving celebrities another shot. She says, "I want to go back to work before I get too old, and it's nice to have a second chance as an older woman, not as a sex symbol." Unless she pitches a diva fit, look to her to be a voice of reason for the other castmates. Tempestt Bledsoe, 181 lbs: Like LeBrock, Bledsoe also wants to make a comeback, but it's a little strange watching a former talk-show host being the subject of this kind of program. Since she is well-versed in shrink speak, she tells the fitness team, "To be on camera is a lot of pressure, and the camera is cruel. For what I do, I feel like I could look a little leaner." She has a realistic goal, to fit in a dress that she used to wear a long time ago. However, she might be the Victoria Jackson of this season - likeable, but not committed to losing the weight. Since she doesn't like cardio, she tries to butter up Harvey by saying "I love you." Harvey says he will make her do cardio anyway. Good luck, Cosby Kid. She also has the dubious distinction of being Jeff Conaway's object of desire, for he gives her a long, creepy hug when she joins his team, prompting Ant to shout, "Security!" Jeff Conaway, 205 lbs: Speaking of Conaway, the ex-TV star is poised to be this season's Gary Busey, only less goofy and a little more dangerous. Polite people might refer to Conaway as "difficult," but he is primed to be a royal pain in the butt for the fitness team. For the purposes of good television, he is made team captain before his weigh-in, and then he moons the rest of the fit clubbers. Dr. Ian does not look amused and enters lecture mode: "I hope you are in the right place mentally and psychologically." Clinging to Bledsoe and mooning everyone else suggests that he is not. He also has serious abandonment issues, ex-star issues, and bladder issues. During the first workout with Harvey, Conaway left in the middle to relieve himself (VH1 throws in an unnecessary "tinkle" sound effect in case we didn't get it the first time). He is also seen taking "pick-me-up" pills. Methinks Celebrity Fit Club 3 spells "free rehab" for Conaway. Chastity Bono, 215 lbs: Bono has too much to live up to as Cher's daughter. Dr. Linda is probably rubbing her hands in glee since Bono (who goes by the nickname "Chas") is the daughter of a woman who will do literally anything to stay young. Unlike Cher, Bono doesn't mind being large, but she definitely wants to be healthy. She smokes, and she took drugs after she lost her partner to cancer. But she's been clean for 18 months and wants to continue her self-improvement plan. Doing it in front of an audience might not be the best idea, but it's appropriate for the daughter of Sonny and Cher. Since she is so motivated, she takes on the role of team captain. Look for pep talks to come from her. Young MC, 278 lbs: Ant beat us to the punch by calling the rapper "Not-so-young MC." Young MC isn't just the ordinary Fit Club rapper, though. He has a twist in his story arc because he used to be a fox, and he admits that he dieted until he was 177 lbs. Instead of the women talking about eating disorders, Young MC says he was willing to do anything to stay slim. He's also competitive. While working out with Harvey, he beat everyone else in terms of his push-ups, sit-ups, and running. Since he proved that he could still "Bust a Move," Harvey gives him a special challenge. He will train with Harvey to run a 5k race. Young expresses disbelief, but his future suggests that he will be the show's success story. Bruce Vilanch, 315 lbs: The biggest Hollywood Square of all has joined the show as a way to show off his latest joke, Every single second gives Vilanch an excuse to make a wisecrack. Alas, since he's doing it on the fly, it gets old after a while. And the "My mother says I'm special" tee-shirt isn't going to win any points with Harvey, who doesn't like it when people don't take Celebrity Fit Club seriously. Harvey likes to be taken seriously, but Vilanch flops around during his workout. Will Harvey eat Vilanch for lunch? Or, more likely, will it be the other way around? Bizarre, 321 lbs: What is Bizarre doing here? He is a member of Eminem's D12 crew. Did he do something to make Eminem angry? His story is that, even though his career is just fine, Eminem wanted him to lose some weight. And maybe the shower cap, although the people on Celebrity Fit Club 3 don't give him too hard of a time about it. Dr. Ian does give Bizarre a tough time about his excessive weight: "How do you put on all that weight? You've got diabetes, you've got hypertension and high blood pressure, you've got high levels of cholesterol AND you have asthma." Deep breath. "And you're only 29 years old!" Maybe Bizarre is the rare celeb who genuinely needs the fit club to guide him, and he's going to need a lot of Dr. Linda because she quickly realizes that his "stomach is his trademark." (Although you could say the same about the shower cap.) Will Bizarre be willing to separate from his tummy and his massive meals? Next week: Jeff Conaway immediately lives up to his promise by showing up to a Celebrity Fit Club 3 outing while higher than a kite. There are also sneak peaks of Conaway pitching a fit and hollering, "I've walked off shows before, and I'll walk off shows again." If he wanted to be hired to do anything else, it's not going to happen. |
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