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ARTICLE
A Dose of Reality: The Apprentice 5 - Episode 07: It's More Than Decor
by Iris Blasi
Published: April 12, 2006

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Related Sites:
· The Apprentice: Official Site
· Sirlinksalot: The Apprentice

Last week: Even Bryce's idyllic upbringing was not enough to save him from The Wrath of The Donald. He was sent packing, and Lenny and Lee were sent back to the suite. Of course, Trump couldn't resist a parting message for Lenny, warning him that he was on "thin ice." Which would have been a foreboding threat had Lenny mastered American idioms.

This week, we begin on the 59th floor of the Trump building on Wall Street. Trump proudly informs us that he purchased the building for $1 million dollars and that it is now worth the exact, precise amount of "hundreds of millions of dollars." Trump also informs the candidates that they will be renovating two rooms for The Boys and Girls Club as part of the "New Faces for Helpful Places" program sponsored by ACE hardware.

Trump is sure to remind us "it's for the kids." And this is right after Trump informs the teams they will be evaluated on creativity, functionality, and their ability to appeal to the execs - pretty much a barefaced degree to pander to the corporation. But, I mean - of course this is all about helping disadvantaged youth. It has nothing to do with blatant product placement and corporate promotion. No, no. Not at all.

So the teams split up. Gold Rush - with Lenny stepping in as their fearless leader - quickly settles on the theme of music. While Lenny envisions a phat pair of speakers and Lee reminisces about his childhood spent banging on drums, Charmine tries to get them to prep for their meeting with the ACE Hardware exec. But Lenny and Lee, who has now firmly attached his lips to Lenny's Russian rump, are both off in their own little dream world.

Sure enough, when the exec shows up, he is greeted only by dead silence. Charmaine tries to step up to the plate and ask a question about the "Helpful Faces for.. " I mean, the "Fresh Faces for New…."

Err - the…ummm.. "Helpful Faces for Fresh…"

Oh, hell. Having completely flubbed the name, Charmaine is temporarily silenced. Lenny's up next, likening ACE to a small, mom-and-pop hardware store. (Seriously, Lenny. You think Trump's doing business with the start-up tool shop on the corner?) The exec corrects him.

Double oops.

More uncomfortable silence as Gold Rush members quietly twiddle their thumbs and let the slow-motion train wreck happen.

Not such a good start on a week where Trump's lesson is to be decisive (a point he illustrates by ogling a model as he picks her headshots.)

In contrast to GoldRush's painful period of silence, Synergy's session is full of PM Michael asking questions. And more questions. At one point, the executives move to leave, but Michael continues to drone on and on and…zzz… Oh - I'm sorry. Did I doze off for a minute?

Anyway, Synergy wants to have a "girl's room" (which sort of offends me because, though Barbies are fun, haven't we moved a little beyond this unabashed sexism? Newsflash: Some girls don't dig dolls) and they seem to believe that "interactivity" is a theme. (Not a theme, people. A concept. But whatever.)

Cut to Gold Rush. They're at the store, discussing colors and mixing paint. Things are moving along. People are a little pissed at Charmine for continually interrupting (Tarek elegantly notes "she constantly has diarrhea of the mouth" and Lenny loudly informs her that, if she'd just shut up, they'd save on time). At least they're making progress.

Over at Synergy, Sexy Sean is upset (and - oh my - he is cute when he's angry) that they're still "pissing around." Apparently, Michael can't make a decision to save his life. Andrea is frustrated that this "wanker" (as Sean calls Michael a number of times) is so indecisive and wonders why she hasn't yet been elected official Queen of the World. She's justified in her frustrations. ACE Hardware is closing for the evening, and Michael is still debating the merits of light orange paint versus dark orange paint. Unable to come to a decision, he calls his team members (who are waiting on him in the van) on his cell to get their two cents, but can barely hear their answer over the sound of their uncontrollable giggling.

Allie laughs, giggles and snuggles up to Sean. Sean puts his arm around her, and I die a little bit inside.

Meanwhile, Gold Rush's streak of productivity has come to an end. When Bill shows up to check in, Lenny's not even at the construction site. Instead, he's off purchasing the musical instruments and other electrical equipments (with little Lenny, aka Lee, perennially by his side), but periodically checking in by phone to demand reasons why the room is not entirely done. Frustrated, Lenny says he'll be back in 30 minutes to take care of the situation. And thirty minutes in apprentice-time, as we now know, translates to roughly four hours. Right on cue, we learn the van is lost, and L-And-L Music Factory don't get back until 20 minutes before the executives arrive.

It's down to the wire, but both teams are ready when the executives arrive to tour their spaces. Synergy has created "the lounge," a room broken into sections - a music area with a karaoke machine and a drum set, a game area (complete with a Trump board game), the previously-discussed girls' area, and a flat screen TV. Michael gives a good presentation, and then the kids are invited in to see their new space. They're super-psyched about the flat screen.

Gold Rush's room is all about music. Lenny stammers and stutters his way through the presentation. He seems to have only 20 seconds worth of stuff to say. Doesn’t matter to the kids, though, who rush in excitedly. I have a sneaking suspicion that someone got them all hopped up on caffeine, as they're ridiculously animated.

The ultimate verdict is that Gold Rush had a solid theme with the music stuff, but any kid who didn't like music was out of luck. And is it really a good idea to get whole group of kids together in one room and encourage them to bang away on instruments? Synergy's multi-sectional room had something for everything. And then win. And are rewarded by … Yup. You got it. More community service.

[N.B. I want to rail on Trump's feel-good rewards this season as a replacement for the jet trips to Mar-A-Lago and tennis sets with Anna Kournikova of the days of yore, but this one was truly touching and I refuse to make any jokes about it. The reward this week was accompanying Dasheaira, an eight-year-old girl with a very rare form of cancer, on a shopping spree at ToysRUs through the MakeAWish Foundation. Trump is in fine form when he briefly comes in, assesses her mound of purchases before commanding her to "pick more" and kissing her firmly on the temple before ducking back out. Dasheaira picks out toys not just for herself, but for her friends and family. And the joy on her mother's face at seeing her daughter so happy is priceless. I get a little teary.],

Back at the suite, Lenny is fixing himself some pasta while Lee tries to coach him for the boardroom.

"Lenny, what were we being judged on?" Lee asks, hunting around for the response of the three evaluation criteria (creativity, functionality, and appeal to execs) they were told of at the start of the task.

Lenny continues to sir. "Sustainability," he finally grunts.

Oh, this doesn't look good for the Russian. And I am increasingly perplexed by Lee's undying loyalty. From what hidden fount did this strange allegiance spring?

Once in the boardroom, Trump goes right to Charmaine, who calls Lenny "an ineffective leader." Lenny counters by saying what a pain she was. And Lee removes his head from Lenny's rear-end long enough to add that he thinks Lenny did "a fantastic job."

It's been obvious for the past few week's that Lenny was on his last leg, and he thoroughly shoots himself in the foot as his finale. First, he admits he's not interested in pleasing the judges. He defers all his responses to Lilliputian Lenny, aka his spokesman Lee, except for a moment when he talks about having painted the children's room Communist Red as a tribute to his homeland. He pays Lee back for his loyalty by saying he's drag him into the boardroom if given the chance, and Lee is just brainwashed enough to agree that this is a good idea. Trump fires Lenny without even giving him the chance to throw Lee to the lions.

The boardroom highlight is when Leslie professes she, as a former athlete, could easily whoop Trump's butt at swimming, volleyball and tennis. Now, that's a triathalon I'd like to see.

Past Recaps: Episode 01 | Episode 02 | Episode 03 | Episode 04 | Episode 05 | Episode 06