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by Paul Schultz Published: May 26, 2006
The Memorial Day weekend remains the traditional start to the summer movie season, with Hollywood studios rolling out their blockbusters-to-be in the fervent hope they won't be bankbusters. They sneak in a few big-budget films before the holiday, and this year is no exception. Here's hoping those films aren't a preview of things to come, or we're in for a long and brainless summer. The first big flick was "Mission: Impossible III" starring Tom Cruise, with always-intriguing Philip Seymour Hoffman playing the bad guy. I know what you're thinking, "Cruise isn't talking endlessly about the glories of diaper-changing, so that's gotta be good, right?" Well, right... and wrong. Underutilizing Hoffman was a waste, but director J.J. Abrams knows how to bring the panache -- just leave your brain at the door. Then there's the water-logged remake of "The Poseidon Adventure" (which I personally enjoyed) -- now shortened to "Poseidon" for an attention-deficit generation -- which flips a cruise ship over in spectacular fashion, but leaves its brains, and character development, at the door. I sure wish Lindsay Lohan's luck would change, but the light-headed "Just My Luck" will be just a blip on her professional radar. Sony Pictures rolled out the much-anticipated screen adaptation of "The Da Vinci Code", boring as hell and critically panned, though it's already raked in about a bobzillion dollars (like that's never happened before). Oh, and by the way, we here at The Trades are your "Destination for Da Vinci Code Discussion" with not one, not two, but three reviews of the film, as well as editorials "Why 'The Da Vinci Code' Deserves to be Broken at the Box Office" and "A Jew Reads and Sees 'The Da Vinci Code'", and a presentation recap "'The Da Vinci Code': Fact or Fiction?" "Over the Hedge" is a preview of CGI-animated things-to-come this summer, but its satire of suburban life could have been so much more. And we aren't even going to talk about the abysmal "See No Evil". If you don't go to this picture, you will fulfill its title. But you know about all these films, of course, because you've been reading our May 2006 Movie Planner, which not only looks ahead to theatrical releases, but reveals new DVDs coming out. The big movie opening for the upcoming extended weekend is the superhero actioner "X-Men 3: The Last Stand". Early buzz has the film flashy, but brain-dead. Perhaps a summary of the summer movie season as a whole, but only time will tell. There's no big conclusion to the Star Wars saga that launched last summer's anticipation for movie-goers, but that doesn't mean there's not some appealing entries coming soon to a theater near you. So, I don't want to hear a single "I'll wait for it on DVD" out of any of you... get out there and see this summer's offerings in all their big-screen, thunderous-surround-sound, mountainous-popcorn-tub-devouring, don't-kick-me-in-the-back-of-the-head, turn-your-frickin'-cell-phone-off, sticky-floored glory! JuneThe Break-Up The Omen Stars: Liev Schreiber and Julia Stiles. Arguably, we've already had seen Satan's spawn this summer (The Da Vinci Code) but for you literalists out there, we get this new version of the horror classic as young parents face a child-rearing challenge of hellish proportions. How will this story be updated for contemporary audiences? What goes on backstage as a great cast goes on the air for one last show? Based on the long-running radio show. Could be a diamond in the rough. A famous stock-car learns there there might be more important things in life than fame and fortune. Has Pixar ever done wrong? A Mexican priest who moonlights as a wrestler to raise money for an
orphanage. Alrighty, then! Writer-director Jared Hess follows up his cult
hit "Napoleon Dynamite." After a lake house's former resident begins exchanging love letters with its current tenant, they discover they're living two years apart. Why don't they hop in a bus, instead? To avoid a jail sentence, a young American street racer heads to Japan to live with his uncle. Getting involved in the world of drift racing, he finds himself quickly in debt, and the only way to repay is to enter the Tokyo underworld. This can't possibly be any good.
Garfield's A Tail of Two Kitties The fat cat get his claws into Great Britain. Hopefully he won't run
back home with his tail between his legs. A workaholic gets a remote that allows him to move backward and forward in time. Can this film be as clever as its premise? "It's like a ransom movie," as star Gibson describes it. Okie dokie.
Superman Returns
Superman returns to Earth after years of absence, searching the remains of his home planet Krypton. He discovers that Metropolis has learned to live without him, Lois Lane is married with a kid... but Lex Luthor is still around. This one wins the "please-don't-suck" award for the summer.
A young woman scores a job working for one of New York City's biggest magazine editors. After seeing it's baffling trailer, I don't know what to expect out of this one. JulyLittle Man An adoptive father mistakes a short criminal for his infant son. Much like the endlessly tumbling locomotive in "Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron", the Wayans brothers train-wreak continues on.
Could make White Chicks seem brilliant. A prequel to the critically acclaimed Comedy Central series featuring Jerri Blank, a 46 year-old ex-junkie, ex-con who returns to high school in a bid to start her life over. If you like your hilarity offensive, this'll be right up your alley.
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest Everyone's favorite pirate, Captain Jack Sparrow, is back. Sparrow discovers that he owns a blood debt to Davey Jones. It's got "unnecessary sequel" written all over it, but could be great fun just the same. Newlyweds find their marital bliss destroyed by an unwelcome houseguest. The likeability factor could gauge the success of this endeavor. Richard Linklater's computer-animated flick based on Philip K. Dick's mind-bending novella about an undercover cop whose drug use leaves him with a split personality. If it's anything like "Waking Life" it could be deeply cool, if unwatchable. Pulse Lady in the Water Apartment building superintendent rescues what he thinks is a young woman from the pool he maintains. When he discovers that she is actually a character from a bedtime story who is trying to make the journey back to her home, he works with his tenants to protect his new friend from the creatures that are determined to keep her in our world. Ron Howard's hot daughter (who will be playing Gwen Stacy in the upcoming "Spider-man 3") makes this a must-see, even if M. Night Shyamalan's last effort was less than stellar.
Little Miss Sunshine
This big-screen adaptation of the hit '80s television show has a lot going for it, but only one thing counts: sweet white leisure jackets. Michael Mann can win over viewers with sheer style. An American journalism student in London scoops a big story, and begins an affair with an aristocrat as the incident unfurls. I'm not even sure if
this will be going into wide release this summer, but any opportunity I can get to contemplate Scarlett Johansson is time well-spent! Three teens discover that their neighbor's house is really a living, breathing, scary monster. If you were creeped out (as I was) by the motion-capture technology used in "The Polar Express", this abode might end up scarier than expected.
My Super Ex-Girlfriend A man who calls it quits with his controlling, A-type, superhero steady (), only to see her bitterly sabotage his life. This is the film that may tip the scales on "superhero overkill" this summer. From Bruce Almighty director Steve Oedekerk comes this CGI comedy that proves when the farmer's away, all the animals play. This is the film that may tip the scales on "animation overkill" this summer. AugustTalladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby Rebel NASCAR driver Ricky Bobby faces stiff competition in the form of his new teammate. As a huge NASCAR fan, I'm hoping not to detest this movie. However, "from the creators of 'Anchorman' probably says it all. A high school slacker confounds his parents by creating a fake university he can attend, and to impress the girl next door. A possible "escape from reality" classic. An Oliver Stone Film. Port Authority police officers become trapped under the rubble of the World Trade Center after the September 11 attack. As with United 93, I'm not sure I'm ready to see this, and I'll be surprised if Stone can back off his conspiracy theory histronics. The story of a picked-upon boy who takes his frustrations out on an innocent anthill, only to get a taste of his own medicine when the ants shrink him down to size. One of the more illustrious cast lists this summer as Julia Roberts, Nicolas Cage, Meryl Streep and Paul Giamatti provide voices. Based on the graphic novel, an out-of-shape superhero who's called back into action to mold a new generation of crime fighters. Kinda sounds like "Sky High", and remember how well that did, boys and girls? A caving expedition goes horribly wrong, as the explorers become trapped and unsettle a warren of deadly critters. Magnificent gore fest ensues? An assassin releases deadly snakes on a plane in order to eliminate a murder witness. Will the plot really matter with this one? Four martial-arts vixens fight against each other for primacy of an exotic island. This could be the truest movie title of the summer. Director Clint Eastwood adapts James Bradley's outstanding book and tells the life stories of the six men who raised the flag at The Battle of Iwo Jima, a turning point in WWII. Walt Disney churns out another underdog tale, and sports fans should get a kick out of a bartender who competes in an open tryout for the Philadelphia Eagles in the 1970s. The surreal love story of a shut-in who tries to communicate with his
neighbor through his dreams. Guaranteed to look good, at the very least. Spoiled sibling heiresses lose all their money. Just when you were tiring of Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen capers, the Duff sisters come along to revitalize the genre. I just hope Hilary's had a few meals since Cheaper By The Dozen 2. American drunkards who journey to Oktoberfest and stumble upon a centuries-old beer games competition. Anything better than Jay Chandrasekhar's The Dukes of Hazzard will be a plus. A fifth-grade boy accepts a fateful dare from the class bully.Thomas Rockwell's (yep, son of Norman) coming-of-age novel gets the big-screen treatment, but the trailer made me queasy. Don't go to this one hungry! A gifted pianist working at a speakeasy in the Prohibition-era South contends with gangsters who have their eyes on the club. OutKast music should be an audio delight, and the ensemble supporting cast includes Terrence Howard, Ving Rhames, Faizon Love, Patti LaBelle, Macy Gray, Ben Vereen and Cicely Tyson. |
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