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by Caroline Roberts Published: July 3, 2006
That's the problem with Bridezillas, in that the show assumes only brides lose their minds before a wedding. The Bridezillas site includes the image of a bride in a straitjacket, but she's got nothing on Christopher Knight. Yes, Virginia, there is a Groomzilla, and his name is Chris. At first, the episode starts off blah, kind of like all the episodes have been lately. Adrianne and Chris decide to learn to waltz, which seems to be nothing more than a shameless attempt to be cast on the third season of Dancing With the Stars. When Adrianne announces, "I have to be more theatrical," she's almost begging for a professional to teach her how to rein it in. Perhaps Louis Van Amstel would be the perfect partner for her. When the Show Lags, It's Time to Get Grandma! Obviously, these two don't need to be auditioning for a reality show when they've already got one, so VH! bundles them up and ships them back to Joliet, Illinois. Luckily, Grandma is on the scene for comic relief. Right off the bat, Chris convinces Adrianne to tell Grandma all about her bachelorette party which will consist of a place named "Booty Parlor" giving the ladies sex toys. Grandma is not amused. Then the two descend into Guest List Hell, and Chris forces Adrianne to stay and deal with said guest list. One would think that Hell would involve choosing who attends the wedding and who stays home, but instead Chris wants to make sure that he has everyone's full name, and he wants to call all the men by the name of "Master" or "Mister." Was this guy a big Dungeons & Dragons person? Somehow, a guy who wants to call all the men "Masters" must be a D&D guy. Groomzilla! Chris and Adrianne decide to pack in as much wedding planning as possible into this trip, so they check out the church. Remember, Adrianne's buddy bought the church and is in the process of converting it into a bar. Still, it is inappropriate when Adrianne wanders into the church and says it is "f**kin amazing." The Episocopals are liberal, but they're not that liberal. While Adrianne is drooling all over the church floor, Chris is unhappy. Now, he's justified because the church is missing a window. The owner also shows up and tells them that, uh, he's sorry, but the place might not have bathrooms. No bathrooms? Chris and Adrianne without a bathroom? That's asking for trouble. The owner of the church also says that they are busy taking asbestos out of the basement, which suggests that even attending the wedding is a health hazard. It's not the problems Chris has with the church. He has every reason to complain. But it's the way Chris deals with it. He unleashes those nervous, uptight laughs people get when they're about to blow up. He then starts attacking Adrianne because it isn't clear how far the actual ceremony will be from the guests, and he uses his "dad voice." Adrianne shoots back that it's Chris acting like the bride, which is a solid observation. Chris is still in top Groomzilla form when they head to Rizzi's Flowers. Again, he has reason to be annoyed since Adrianne wants to have black roses. Even the Rizzi's employee, who is about to make a huge sale, looks pained at the thought of black roses. Adrianne tells the Rizzi's rep that she's "thinking barren, Gothic." Chris interjects that they'll throw a skinned goat into the mix. Adrianne just shrugs and says, "Somebody's got to be the bitch." In the middle of all this is a random Pepto Bismol ad. Kudos to the marketing agency who realized that the My Fair Brady audience might need treatment for gastrointestinal distress. Just in Case You Needed a Plot Twist The producers could linger on Chris' diva moments a little longer to give us a break from all the drama we had to suffer through the past few episodes. But they can't let well enough alone, and they return to the subplot of the conflict between Adrianne's parents. Adrianne's dad, Rick, is getting remarried, which makes Adrianne's mom none too happy. But Adrianne's dad and her soon-to-be-stepmother actually seem like normal people who want to do right by Adrianne. When Adrianne and Chris visit their house to go over what they should do at the wedding, VH1 tries as hard as it can to boost the drama. Adrianne cries and blames herself for her parents' breakup, and you'd think it would be a heavy moment. However, Rick and his fiancée spoil the fun by showing off their Polish wind chime collection, which attracts Adrianne like a moth to a flame. Adrianne's dad is so cool! In case you don't know, Polish wind chimes are made of old cardboard toilet paper rolls. He and his fiancée have all that weird stuff that the Cracker Barrel sells in the lobby, and they are plenty proud of it. He even has a weird stuffed redneck bird who speaks in a voice exactly like Gilbert Gottfried's. Rick says, "I don't make fun of anybody unless I made fun of myself." This is a man who gets reality TV! When Adrianne tries to broach the serious subject of how divorced parents should behave, Rick and his fiancée, Nicole, are completely cool with it. Nicole, who seems like a rather tolerant, friendly stepmother, says to Adrianne, "It's your day." That should be enough to quell any concerns, but it seems to me that VH1 and the producers would like to make something out of nothing. It's also somewhat disturbing when Adrianne threatens to stab her own family members with a butter knife if they mess with her day. I'm all for reality television documenting fights when they actually exist or throwing already volatile people into a volatile situation, but please don't give ordinary people extraordinary problems, okay? Adrianne's dad and his wife seem like reasonable, sane people. (Jury's out on her mom, only because she had that nasty fight with Chris last season). Let's not make them crazy. Chris and Adrianne are entertainers. Do with them what you will. But leave the regular people alone, okay? Next week: Just as expected, VH1 stirs up more trouble where there wasn't any trouble when Chris decides to "confront" Adrianne's mom about her issues with Adrianne's dad. |
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