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Related Sites: · Official Site · Sirlinkalot: Obscure Reality Shows Stan Lee with his cast of superheroes wannabes.

I just got done with a review noting when a series had "jumped the shark," and now I need to add Who Wants to Be a Superhero? to that questionable fraternity. Not only did it stage a ridiculous scenario involving prison inmates, but it reinforced the notion that, despite any good you might currently be doing, anything in your past can and will be used against you in Stan Lee's court of law.

This week's episode opens with our spandex-clad heroes patrolling the streets of Los Angeles for ne'er-do-wells and to perform their weekly dose of good deeds. Apparently this is not an uncommon occurrence in the City of Angels, as citizens don't seem at all surprised. Major Victory plays fashion police, informing a bemused fellow of his style faux pas. Environmentalist Creature supervises a man properly disposing of a Styrofoam cup (with the undivided attention of several male passersby) before making a jaywalking retreat. Feedback protects the sanctity of children by standing in front of a lingerie storefront window and redirecting the youngsters with a grave, "Move along -- there's nothing to see here." Fat Momma points out a traffic officer's hypocrisy at parking his vehicle in a loading zone. Lemuria makes the world safer for mankind by shouting to passing motorists to use their turn signals. There was only one potentially disastrous moment for our heroes (besides any uncomfortable participants unexpectedly spraying them with bullets) when Major Victory lays his cape down over a puddle for a couple of elderly women to walk over, only to have one of them trip slightly and nearly teeter over.

Cast

Matthew Atherton, aka Feedback	Nel Wilson, aka Fat Momma	Tonatzin Mondragon, aka Lemuria
Chris Watters, aka Major Victory	Tonya Kay, aka Creature	Stan Lee

Back at the lair, Stan greets them from his prominent video screen, joined soon-after by the nefarious Dark Enforcer on his own, less-prominent screen. It seems our new villain has been interviewing friends and family of our superhero's alter egos and has discovered some disturbing evidence that they have been... << gasp >>... lying to Stan. Remember what happened to Monkey Woman when she was called out as a fibber? Major Victory involuntarily releases some heat from under his collar.

Creature's friend Regina recounts an episode where she displayed a less environmentally-friendly side. While sharing a hotel room, she decided it would be fun to chuck stuff out of the window and into the hotel fountain. Friend of the environment? Friend of the devil, thinks Stan.

Feedback's wife (should he win this contest, I'd be a li'l concerned since superhero spouses generally don't fare too well) claims that while he may seem perfectly organized, he's actually a closet slob. She suggests a new name for him: "Captain Clutter." Stan feels that since kids look up to superheroes, being messy is the wrong message to send. With pun serious contemplated, Feedback agrees and says, "I'll clean up my act."

The next person introduces herself as "Fat Momma's momma" and contradicts her daughter's message of acceptance of one’s weight and physique by revealing that she... << stage whisper>>... diets. "So?" I said aloud, as the shark begins to come into view. Fat Momma goes on to (unnecessarily, IMHO) explain that people can be happy with the body they have, but if they aren't, they can do something about it. Stan says, "That doughnut was a little hard to swallow.” So, I guess his message is, "don't bother trying."

A hunky young man named Austin appears on-screen and, wouldn't you know it, he used to work with Major Victory during his alter ego's days as an exotic dancer. Shaking his moneymaker earned him the nickname "Thong Man," says the former co-worker. “I don’t even know who 'Thong Man' is,” Major Victory stands up to show off the aforementioned moneymaker, now clad in leather briefs. “This bad boy goes all the way across.” He insists the name came from his affinity for flip-flops. Stan works real hard to keep a straight face. The Dark Enforcer waves a dollar bill.

Lemuria's friend asks the important question, "Can you be too sexy to be a superhero?" She observes that she regularly uses her sex appeal to lure men through methods including, but not limited to, dancing on table tops. She insists that Lemuria's alter ego loves to flirt with every guy around. And here I thought that would be Creature's M.O. Stan questions if this is typical superhero behavior, to which Lemuria has no good answer. Lemuria then threatens to kill her friend when she gets home -- definitely not typical superhero behavior.

Well, this is more than enough material for another elimination, I guess, and Stan calls Major Victory, Fat Momma, and Creature forward. Stan is concerned that his stripper past keeps coming up, and points to taking off his cape to assist the old women across the road as a "relapse". Stan doesn't think superheroes should be removing parts of their costume, but coming from the creator of Stripperella, this is highly hypocritical. Fat Momma's clandestine dieting bothers Stan. Shark fully in view, Captain! Stan feels Creature's constant harping about the environment might be insincere, and that's she's really a closet litterbug. What cooked her organic goose, so to speak, was her flagrant disregard for the law by jaywalking in Los Angeles. Unheard of! For this audacious rebellion against authority, Creature is eliminated. She deposits what little of her costume she can without getting completely naked into the Garbage Can of Failure, and leaves them with the parting words, "Live hard and love harder." How ironic that she uses the word "hard" at that very moment. And we never got to see the full extent of her powers with her bullwhip. Stan sends his "Final Four" off with the advise to get a good night's rest for tomorrow's challenging day.

The next morning finds our remaining heroes munching on a little breakfast, with intelligent banter flying around the kitchen (Feedback: "It's raw." Lemuria: "Fruit is usually raw."). Stan gathers them to inform them they will be spending quality time with dangerous, convicted felons in order to show them the error of their ways. They'll have a secret task to perform while talking to the inmates: hug an inmate three times, brush the hair out of an inmate’s face three times, rub an inmate’s shoulders three times, or sit on an inmate’s lap for ten seconds. I think he forgot "get killed three times" for attempting any of these maneuvers. They cannot tip off the inmates or they will be immediately up for elimination. Stan lets them decide who will do what task. Intriguingly (in more ways than one), Lemuria volunteers for the lap sitting. Major Victory will attempt the shoulder rubbing, Fat Momma will do the hair brushing, and Feedback gets to hug. “I have to rub an inmate’s shoulders three times; that doesn’t sound good. Even saying it doesn’t sound good,” Major Victory intones.

Here's where the series leaps heartily, irrevocably over the shark.

In no way shape or form did I believe this was anything other than a staged event. Our rather frightened contestants are brought to a fenced-in corrections facility where several pissed-off men and women in bright orange suits are picking up trash. Women would not be on the same work detail as men -- my first clue that this was only "for the cameras." One ruddy female, in particular, is so enamored by the presence of heroes in tights that she launches into a non-stop, bleeped-out, profanity-laced tirade that you don't have a clue what she's saying (though I thought I heard, "I'm feeling sad that I missed my anger management class" in there somewhere). Before they begin, the guard reads off a lengthy waiver for them to sign, that excludes the prison from liability over things like, y'know, bodily harm and death. We don't see anyone sign the waiver. The guards warn them not to touch the inmates. Major Victory wants to make sure they know this is not a conjugal visit.

Lemuria goes first, with her attempt to park herself on an inmate’s lap for ten seconds. I do mental calculations to see if I could commit a crime, get incarcerated, and bribe my way onto this work detail in time to volunteer. I'll bet if I was on Prison Break, I could. Alas, the lucky inmate chosen is... the ruddy, angry women. Well, so much for using your sex appeal on this one! Lemuria senses that she's doomed as well and, with time running out, she more or less forces herself onto the hostile lady's lap, apparently not comprehending her "don't [expletive deleted] touch me" bellows. Shockingly, Lemuria lives to contemplate her failure at this task.

Fat Momma also gets to work on the "Mean Ass Woman," now that Lemuria's got her good and riled up. Ignoring other "unreal" signs like correctional officers standing within easy reach of inmates when they have a weapon drawn, I found it rather convenient that the inmate chose to sit for the next contestant leaning forward so her hair would hang in her face. Fat Momma at least coaxes her into conversation, and one only half-filled with profanity, so we can actually get a feel for what her voice sounds like. She doesn't so much brush the inmate's hair as touch it three times, but I guess that's enough to successfully complete the task. Escaping with your life is a bonus, too.

Ladies and gentlemen, Kingpin from the "Daredevil" movie is alive and well and participating in lame challenges for low-budget reality shows! This behemoth, who could be Michael Clarke Duncan's "little" brother, is brought out for Major Victory. He's sure he's going to die as the guard says explicitly, "Don't touch him." The big guy picks up a chair and tosses it to signal his joy at this meeting. Major Victory explains that he’s trying to get his life back on track in a feeble attempt to make a connection with this guy. He attempts to get near the broad shoulders by picking up the chair that's been upset. "Don’t stand behind me!" Kingpin hollers, repeatedly, and Major Victory puts his hand on his shoulder to calm him down. That counts as one. Maybe he'll get out of this with his life, after all. A couple more pats on the back and Major Victor makes a major escape.

Feedback's strategy is that he'll only hug if the opportunity presents itself. He might be waiting awhile for that presentation. “You know what? I’m going to miss Feedback,” Major Victory says as the last hero undertakes his mission. The big fella asks for his handcuffs to be removed and the guard does so, on Feedback's insistence. Don't think this whole set-up is fake yet? Unshackled, the convict reveals that he's incarcerated for four murders. "Um, officer, could you put those cuffs back on," I speak to the screen, but Feedback keeps his cool and shows himself to be a hero in my book. A throwaway comment about losing his father leads Feedback to share that he lost his own dad when he killed himself. This bit of seriousness is way too incongruent with the current situation and the ensuing conversation seems to be edited way down, probably for time purposes. I felt manipulated anyway. He concludes with "I could really use a hug," and the big teddy bear obliges him -- three times. Okay, now I know this whole deal is a fraud. Still, when Feedback promises to write to him so they can get to know one another better, I believe him.

Up on the rooftop, the dwindling gang assemble for an elimination. Everyone -- the contestants, Stan, the Dark Enforcer, the viewing audience, the contract-actors-as-inmates -- everyone knows who's going to be turning in their costume, so it'll be interesting to see how they stretch this thing out. After all, Lemuria was the only one not to complete the assigned task. I'd be willing to assist her with a "rematch" but they don't ask me, for some reason. Major Victory and, predictably, Lemuria are asked to step forward and occupy the Red Cubes of Fate.

Stan is bothered that Major Victory can't keep his clothes on, as in the last challenge where he removed his cape and gloves so as to appear to the inmate less... goofy ("threatening" was actually the word I was looking for). "Old habits are hard to break," Major Victory replies, not helpfully. Obviously the challenge was set up so that those who went for an emotional connection would win. Lemuria didn't do that, or complete her secret task. Stan drags things out by saying, “I hate this moment more than you will ever know. I don’t want to eliminate either of you.” Mr. Lee, just get on with it so we don't have to hear her name pronounced wrong by you anymore! Anti-climactically, Lemuria is eliminated and Major Victory, once again, leads the charge for a group hug.

Since there was little debate on who should be sent home, we get Stan complimenting the remaining contestants on their “passion, integrity, intelligence, courage,” and some other words I had to look up in the dictionary. All three offer parting comments and general hero-worship, including a heartfelt speech by Feedback that has them all in tears. Major Victory makes a last-ditch promise that, except for using the bathroom, he’ll keep his clothes on at all times. With a hearty "Excelsior!" and tears streaming down their faces, the three surviving superheroes bid Stan "the Man" Lee farewell.

Previously turned in their costumes

Tobias Trost, aka Levity	Darren Passarello, aka Nitro G	Chelsea Weld, aka Cell Phone Girl	Steel Chambers, aka The Iron Enforcer	Mary Votava, aka Monkey Woman	E. Quincy Sloan, aka Ty'Veculus

Past Recaps: Week 1 | Week 2 | Week 3