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by Caroline Roberts Published: September 17, 2006
But if the women are brawling all the time, then it gets a little boring. The last season had a little downtime. The competitions were more developed, and Flav's dates with the women took up more of the show. Hottie's fried chicken non-recipe was one of the best moments in the history of reality television, and it didn't involve any fighting. In contrast, this episode is full of jawing and finger waving. This week's Flav-O-Gram is guaranteed to start a brawl. Flav asks the women to consult each other and figure out which two of the women should go home. What does that mean for the viewers? More fighting! At least some of the comments are creative. The girls don't spare any detail, such as when Krazy tells Bootz, "I saw the outline of your BEEP and your BEEPIN' ass!" There's so much BEEPING that it's easy to forget what else is going on. All I can figure out is that Krazy and New York's pictures end up in the box. Soon, Flav waltzes in wearing an unflattering Afro. Since Flav is a small guy, the Afro is out of proportion. Some people look good in one - ?uestlove, for example - but Flav just can't work the Afro. He needs to talk one of the contestants into helping him braid his hair. The women whose pictures didn't wind up in the box realize there must be some sort of twist to the game. Flav says that New York and Krazy are the two women he "feels" the most. He thinks it is all jealousy. But no one likes Krazy, except Flav. Flav reveals that he is going to have dates with the women he feels the least, just for variety's sake. In response to being denied a date, New York serves up a little classic Tiffany Patterson melodrama: "My heart - it got a little weak. I don't know if I can take it." Flav takes Buckeey out to the bowling alley. She gives him a good tonguing, and then she says, "Grab it." So much for being coy. At one point, she grinds her tush up against him as he instructs her to roll the ball "right down the center!" They're making out while all the old white ladies are staring at them. While Flav has his hands full of bowling balls and Buckeey's butt, New York is taking advantage of Krazy's gullible nature. New York proceeds to get her Alexis Carrington on, and she pumps Krazy for information. New York's acting definitely improves when she is the bad girl. Flav moves on from Buckeey to Bootz. Flav is clearly getting all the physical action that he can. After pawing at Buckeey, Flav frolics in the hot tub with Bootz and ogles her "life rafts." But the fun ends when Bootz tells him that she doesn't want to have sex until she was married. Now that revelation gives new meaning to the phrase, "She didn't seem like that kind of girl." Bobble-Headed Bitch If the shrieking hasn't gotten on your nerves already, it sure will now. Flav sends a message that he's going on a date with Deelishis. New York clearly sees Deelishis as her biggest competition, and she is peeved at that thought, so she stalks upstairs, where Deelishis is primping. When those two confront each other, the volume level rises in the bathroom. It's like an echo chamber in there! Deelishis backs New York up against the wall, and it is an impressive sight. New York is a formidable woman, but Deelishis could have her for lunch. To top it all off, the eloquent Deelishis sums up New York with the immortal insult: "You are a bobble-headed bitch who is good for TV!" And then it's time to bring in the LAW - Big Rick suddenly emerges from wherever it is he hangs out to break these two apart. It's a wonderful moment for Big Rick fans everywhere. (If you want to learn more about Big Rick, read this terrific interview with him over at Reality Shack.) Despite Big Rick's size, he can't slow them down. Not that they'd ever touch each other because those two wouldn't want to smear their makeup. But Big Rich has to get tough on this one. He has to speak! While New York leaps around like she's got hemorrhoids, Big Rick says, "GET READY FOR YOUR DATE, PLEASE." He even raises he voice to New York: "GO!" After that episode, Big Rick theatrically wipes his brow. He runs his own limo company, so he's probably dealt with some weird, drunk limo riders, but no doubt this show tests his patience. Flavor Baba Flav didn't let the fight distract from getting ready for his date. He shows up in genie attire, complete with a turban. I laughed out loud, but Deelishis is a fine actress because she didn't giggle once. In the limo, Deelishis says, "You're my little chocolate boy wonder!" It's true. Deelishis isn't a plus-size gal, but she could snap him in two any time she wanted. This date proves that Flav may in fact like Deelishis best because she gets the most creative dates. He takes her to the beach, where the producers have set up a harem-themed date, complete with a camel, a bellydancer, and two out-of-work actors dressed as sheiks. In this setting, there's more groping, which suggests to me that if Flav isn't "feeling" Deelishis, Buckeey, and Bootz, then he's sure as heck going to "feel" them in the literal sense before unclocking them. Yet Another Fight Yawn. Is it time for the clocking ceremony yet? While Deelishis and Flav are out on their dates, New York is busy acting like Krazy's buddy. Krazy, who is extremely good at stirring up trouble and then looking shocked by the trouble she's caused, starts talking trash about Buckeey and Bootz because she thinks they are Deelishis' henchwomen. New York's just sitting back and letting Krazy hang herself. As Krazy talks, Buckeey overhears her insults and decides it's her turn to get into a catfight. What, must everyone take a turn at fighting on this show? That's probably why Beautuful got eliminated - she didn't want to fight. This brief catfight proves one thing - Krazy isn't much of a brawler. Buckeey gets in her face, there's the standard cussing, and then they start swatting at each other. They edit it to make it look like Krazy almost goes over the balcony, but, really, she's a flailer. If she almost went over the balcony, she would have been far less calm. It seems like an excuse to get Buckeey off the show. Flav had been clinging to her constantly, and it looked like Bootz was in trouble because Flav isn't into the whole celibacy thing. But someone decided Buckeey needed to leave, and it was perfect timing. VH1 filled the space between Krazy's supposed near-death and the clocking ceremony with more screaming and hollering. Deelishis returned from her date, and Buckeey told her all about the fight with Krazy. Bootz can't resist a fight, so she screams even though she wasn't involved, and Flav spends the rest of the time sitting on New York's lap and getting advice from her. New York credits herself with starting the fight: "Duh, you stupid-ass whores, I have Flav!" I kept thinking to myself, "If I weren't recapping, I think it would be a mighty fine time for a snack break." The Clocking Ceremony At least the women show a little restraint during the clocking. There aren't any wild surprises, twists, or pornographic displays during this one, which proves this is one of the most boring episodes of the whole season. But anyone could go - except New York. And now, here's the ever-shrinking clocking list: New York - As if she wasn't gonna get one. Deelishis - Accompanied by this low, rumbling tune to accompany the movement of her behind. Bootz - Who knew a woman who could shake her booty like that was saving herself for marriage? Krazy - Rumors are swirling that she might be the winner. Hmmm. So that means Buckeey must go home. That doesn't mean Flav won't try to cop a feel of her behind as she leaves. The gang over at flavoroflove.blogspot.com mentioned that a mysterious person has been telling them Buckeey had a boyfriend throughout the show. On top of that, she has been in plenty of rap videos and may have known the Ying Yang Twins before the party. Maybe the producers wanted her on the show because she's pretty and delivers some good zingers, and then they had to remove her because she wasn't going to stay with Flav. But Flav sure tried to take advantage of the situation. Next Week: Flav continues his tradition of outlandish outfits by taking the remaining contestants out on a boat. |
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