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by Sheila Franklin Published: September 27, 2006
Emmitt Smith and Cheryl Burke Emmitt and Cheryl lead things off with their tango. They do look stressed and tired as a result of hopping from Dallas to Virginia to LA, and their performance during “Simply Irresistible” is simply boring. His usual charisma is missing and it seems he is doing a lot of hiding behind Cheryl’s skirts. The judges seem to agree with me although Emmitt gets an A for criticism-taking. Judges scores: 7 - 6 - 6 = 19 Monique Coleman and Louis Van Amstel Monique literally jumps out to Louis when they jive to the tune of “The Heat Is On.” Their footwork is excellent, but there is no soul or happiness in her moves. Louis is also making his weird “0” mouth again. Monique’s mom, who has been visiting this week looks on admiringly and gives her a standing ovation. It seems the judges agree with her mom’s assessment, as Bruno once again refers to her as “Little Miss Sunshine.” Judges scores: 9 - 9 - 9 = 27 Harry Hamlin and Ashly DelGrosso Harry and Ashly go to an Argentinian restaurant for a few dance pointers and are informed that the tango is about “conquest and seduction.” So at least Harry can bring on some character acting as they dance to the mystery Spanish song of the night. It may also help that usual stiffness that he can’t seem to shake, since the laugh yoga instructor is no longer available. At the end of his performance, he gives a rose to Bruno, hoping it will work as bribery. It does somewhat as they admire his work ethics and ignore his, as Carrie Ann puts it “awkward arms and legs.” Judges scores: 7 - 8 - 7 = 22 Willa Ford and Maxim Chmerkovskiv Willa almost went home last week. Let’s see if she has been rehearsing as much as Harry. She wants to be “too hot to handle,” and at times seems very frustrated. While they jive to “Y-O-U-R” she deserves merit since she has had no professional training, although I deduct one brownie point for that awful pink thing on her head. Bruno says she is “Pure Betty Grable, delicious, cheese cake.” Willa just eats it up, but when Samantha mentions the chemistry between her and Max, he just stares off into the distance like he is ready to go home. Judges scores: 7 - 7 - 8 = 22 After the break comes the inevitable spewing of ABC promos for the evening. I still have a problem with this, because no amount of subliminal advertising can get me to watch people perform stupid human tricks or Ted Danson in any show. Jerry Springer and Kym Johnson Jerry is no Bob Fosse and Kym is no Gwen Verdon, the couple that made “Hernando’s Hideaway” one of the greatest movie dance sequences of all times. But he does 007 proud at 006 1/2 as he and Kym tango. He is suave, he has attitude, and by time the end of their number comes, it looks like he is in major pain. He actually admits to that and the judges are kind and tell him they are truly entertained. He should win the “Congeniality Award” and the audience agrees with their usual “Jerry-Jerry” ovation. Bruno calls him “more Pink Panther than James Bond.” Judges scores: 7 - 7 - 7 = 21 Sara Evans and Tony Dovolani Sara has finally managed to find her niche. She is ready for her “no fear” attitude to take over. As she and Tony jive to “These Boots Are Made For Walking,” her country roots and his routine combine to deliver an excellent performance. Len agrees with my assessment and claims that she was “a rough diamond just waiting to be polished.” Good thing she didn’t misstep at the end. That would have been a might painful, pardner. Judges scores: 8 - 9 - 8 = 25 Mario Lopez and Karina Smirnoff Mario and Karina tango to “What You Waiting For.” I am no professional but to me their performance is spot on. The judges get pissy really quickly because once again, they have broken the rules by breaking up their routine in the middle and doing the dreaded “l-word.” Mario had better learn to kowtow or his fans may start listening to the judges. After all, this is serious stuff to them, even if he just wants to “entertain.” It will be interesting to see if his recent success on Nip/Tuck will save him. Judges scores: 8 - 6 - 8 = 22 Viveca Fox and Nick Kosovich Viveca takes Carrie Ann’s advice and gets a ballet lesson and a chance to “embrace the tutu.” She is also working on her inner method acting as she creates her own cliche, “I am a lioness...hear me roar.” As she and Nick tango to “Hey Sexy Lady,” she has certainly been embracing something and does angry to a tee. She almost starts weeping as Bruno compares her to Dorothy Dandridge, one of Viveca’s heroes. Judges scores: 9 - 9 - 9 = 27 Joey Lawrence and Edyta Sliwinska Joey and Edyta decide to pay tribute to “The King” by actually getting a pair of “Blue Suede Shoes” (very kewl, dude!). Their jive is spectacular in comparison with some of the other performances of the night, and Joey’s painted-on pants compare him with Elvis’ own, um, assets. They, too perform the banned “l-word” and the judges spank them in their scores. Gee, Len, loosen up. Let them have a lift (there, i have said it), even if the network is afraid of injuries and/or lawsuits. Judges scores: 8 - 6 - 8 = 22 Summation: Monica and Viveca share the top of the leaderboard tonight with scores of 27 while Emmitt hits the bottom at 19. The question of “sticking to the rules” will surely be an interesting fight since the most talented celebs are more into having fun than being professional ballroom dancers. So pay attention, folks. By your voting, you prove what is more important to you. “It’s kind of like that in the real world, too,” she mutters as she jumps off her soapbox. Best judge’s comment: (Len referring to the “A.” in Viveca’s name) “Animal, Attack, Atmosphere, (H)Appy.” Best professional dancer’s comment: (Tony referring to Sara and himself) ”We’re Shake and Bake.” Best comeback: (Tom referring to Len getting upset ) “So you didn’t manage to get the whole cigarette during the break.” Previous Episode Recaps: Week 2 | Week 2 Results Week 1 | Week 1 Results |
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