 |
|
| Home · Reviews · Interviews · Contests · Blog · Forums · Follow Us On Twitter |
|
by Caroline Roberts Published: October 30, 2006
Traci Bingham, who fills VH1's Baywatch Babe requirement Godfrey, the "7-Up Guy" who brings the snark in the Hal Sparks role Rachel Hunter, model and reality-show vet Ethan Zohn, Survivor babe Tony Little, the golden-tressed infomercial king who endorses both "Gazelle" exercise machines and pillows Who will emerge to be this week's Busey? We've created a "Busey-o-Meter" to test just how wacky these people will get in the presence of the spirit world. Here's how the Busey-o-Meter works, with explanations from last week: 1: Not so Busey. In fact, seemingly possessed of a little common sense. (Toccara) 2: Got a little Busey in there. May be a believer in the spirit world, but still capable of speaking without mixed and/or nutty metaphors. (Hal Sparks) 3: A Busey glint in the eye. Now we're talkin'! Said person freaks out easily and tends to collapse into a mound of jelly. Easily influenced by Busey. (Donna D'Errico and Jenna Morasca) 4: Just this shy of Busey. No one from last week, but the person to achieve a 4 on the Busey scale has to have mannerisms so memorable that it reminds everyone of how great things were when Busey was on the show. 5: Full-on Busey. No one can reach this level unless he or she really is Gary Busey. And if they reach that level, and they aren't Gary Busey, they probably ought to lay off the reality shows and seek treatment. Little seems poised for scoring high on the Busey-o-Meter, as he is already accustomed to over-the-top antics, and it's easy to imagine him hollering "You can DO IT!" at some chubby ghouls. Although these celebs appear to lack Busey Power, the producers make up for it by sending them to an insane asylum in Connecticut. What happens at this asylum makes everything that happened at last week's tuberculosis hospital in Kentucky look like child's play. First off, the people here were incredibly self-destructive. One woman claimed that she was possessed by an evil spirit named Pearl, who was apparently a real pain in the butt. The woman emerged from solitary confinement looking as if she had been in a barroom brawl -- with a ghost. Second, doctors performed lobotomies in this place. After warning viewers that the show contains "graphic images of medical procedures," VH1 shows some footage of a lobotomy, in which doctors shoved an implement through a patient's eye socket and scrambled their brains. The lobotomy was a brutal, cruel, inhumane process, and one wonders why anyone thought it was a good idea. In the annals of Bad Medicine, leeches and bleedings were one thing, but lobotomies were quite another. At least the guillotine killed people quickly. If this episode has a message, it's the following: Don't be afraid of the ghosts. Be afraid of your fellow human beings! Traci Bingham: At first, Bingham seems like the biggest chicken on the show. At least she admits it to everyone before going in. And, if you've seen Bingham do her thing on the Surreal Life, you know she's a touch on the nutty side. Some of her lines are hilarious. For her first mission, she wants to go with Tony Little because he's a big guy, and, as they travel to the asylum's padded cell, she cries out, "Tony, I need to feel you!" Perhaps Bingham got mixed up as to which show she was on? Anyway, at some point, she believes Pearl is in the room, and she decides to communicate with the ghost in her own special way: "Pearl, I'd love to take you shopping. We'll go to Louis Vuitton, we'll go to Rodeo Drive, we'll get a margarita, too." Ya know, if all the ghosts had Louis Vuitton handbags, it would be a nicer world. She's such a girly girl that she immediately checks her makeup back at base camp! However, being a girly-girl and making funny faces doesn't mean she scores high on the Busey-o-Meter. Busey-o-Meter Rating: 3 Godfrey: While he doesn't scream and whimper like Bingham, Godfrey's a big old chicken. At first, he seems like he wants to be a tough guy, but when he hears some creepy noises, he's ready to head to base camp. It's easy to understand why he wants to get the heck out of dodge when the ghosts (or VH1 interns, depending on how you feel about the paranormal) come calling -- he says he's not going to end up like the black guys who get killed off first in the horror movies. But his fears prompt him to run off when he and Rachel Hunter explore the Therapy Room. She's willing to carry out the mission, but Tony Little has to talk Godfrey into returning so Hunter doesn't have to deal with the ghosts alone. She is disgusted with his lack of chivalry, and he's lucky she didn't try to deck him. Back at base camp, a sweaty Godfrey owns up to his cowardice and says, "I will take the bitch award today!" We don't know what a "Bitch Award" looks like (a Louis Vuitton handbag?), but he isn't daring enough for us. Busey-o-Meter: 1 Rachel Hunter: She seems to be the leader -- or the mom -- of the group. Yet it seems as if she may have a mystical streak, and she says in the beginning, "I have had some paranormal experiences, but I don't like talking about them." Let's hope those "paranormal experiences" didn't have anything to do with her ex, Rod Stewart. Early on, she proves she's willing to interface with the spirit world when she and Godfrey go to the Therapy Room. Unlike Godfrey, she sits in the room as Pearl the Ghost (supposedly) lurks around her. Back at Base Camp, Godfrey tells her, "You are a badder ass than me!" In the Hydrotherapy Room, she willingly sticks her hand in a tub of bathwater to cajole Pearl out of the woodwork. (Ya know, it must not have been that scary if a VH1 intern was around to fill the tub with water in the first place.) Naturally, she leads the group into the "Heart of the Haunting," which is the Padded Cell, but, when everyone else freaks out on her, she's disappointed. So she makes a decent mark on the Busey-o-Meter, but she's not weird enough for us. Busey-o-Meter: 3. Tony Little: Tony Little embarks on Busey Territory early in the show. Before his first mission, Little for some reason spritzes himself with cologne and puts on face powder! He also loves his camera apparatus because he can do lunges in it. Maybe the cosmetics are his safety blanket because he's confident enough to put on a straitjacket in the middle of the Padded Cell. When he does, he sure does sweat off all that face powder! Later on, he can't turn off the personal trainer inside. He even yells, "You can DO IT!" to Hunter and Godfrey when they go to the therapy room. In the next mission in the Operating Room, Little shows off some Busey because he's enthusiastic about using his props. Last week, Busey relished using a hacksaw and a rib bone. Likewise, Little gives his all when he reenacts a lobotomy with a skull, a mallet, and an ice pick. To further cement his Busey-ness, he even puts on a little more face powder before the very last mission! Busey-o-Meter: 4 Ethan Zohn: At first, Zohn seems reasonable and logical. But he quickly devolves into an overgrown high-school kid. Making fart jokes and hoping to be groped by Rachel Hunter doesn't make him like Busey, though. He also might not be the sharpest tool in the shed. As he goes into the Operating Room with Tony, he calls out, "Look at the baby crib!" Little reminds him that they're in a mental hospital: "That’s not a baby crib! That's an adult crib!" Then, after Little drives the ice pick into the skull, Zohn wonders aloud, "Do we leave the pick stuck in the eye, or do we take it out?" What do you think, dude? To cap it all off, he is most excited about the heat camera because he wants to see if it can bust one of the women passing gas. His behavior is thoroughly conventional, which gives him a low score. Busey-o-Meter: 2 Busey Award of the Week: Tony Little! He can DO IT! Next week: Next week is a veritable feast of "Where are they now?" types, including Mariel Hemingway, Picabo Street, Michael Bergin, Joe Piscopo, and Tonya Cooley. Who wants to bet that Piscopo can out-Busey Gary Busey? |
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Copyright © 1997-2010 Burlee LLC. All rights reserved. | Reprints | Privacy Policy | Disclosure | About Us/Contact Us | RSS Feed |