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by Caroline Roberts Published: December 10, 2006
Danny has often implied that if his wife had sex with him a little more often, everything would be all right. It would definitely make him feel more manly, especially since -- let's face it -- Gretchen treats him like an irresponsible little kid. Unfortunately, two demons are lurking in the background of Danny and Gretchen's relationship -- Danny's abusive father and his own addictions, and sex isn't going to fix that. This week, Danny reveals that his father was a real bastard. Luckily, Danny didn't pick up his parenting habits from his father since he clearly loves his kids to bits. But Danny did inherit his father's violent tendencies. (By the way, should this have come up earlier in the show? It explains a lot.) Early in the show, Danny says on the Adam Carolla radio show that, "I don't need to be wasted to get violent. It's my nature to be violent anyway, plus I'm really good at it." Why all this talk about violence if Danny found Jesus last week? Well, Danny's going to face a major temptation. Gretchen is scheduled to play a show at the Hard Rock with her band, the Muddflaps. Remember what happened the last time Danny encountered the Muddflaps? When Gretchen mentioned that the band's guitarist cracked her back -- which sure doesn't sound sexual unless you have a thing for chiropractors -- Danny went nuts at their next show and verbally threatened lead singer Chris Doohan over the guitarist's supposedly inappropriate behavior. The Muddflaps probably are none too thrilled at the prospect of Danny Bonaduce sitting in their audience. They have a big night coming up because Berlin's Terri Nunn is going to be onstage to sing with Gretchen, and they don't need a crabby Danny making a mess of things. At first, it seems that Danny will be able to suppress his unsavory tendencies by working out his anger before the show. He takes the kids to a martial arts practice and shows how he can break planks of wood with his skull and various other appendages. Dr. Garry also wants to protect the Muddflaps from harm, and he asks, "Are you in a different place with all of that?" (Dr. Garry-speak translation: "Are you going to make an ass of yourself? Because I hope you don't.") Dr. Garry asks about Danny's dad, and Danny describes how his father beat his brother so badly the kid's face swelled up and obliterated his features. Now, clearly Danny's dad deserves a spot in the Cretin Hall of Fame, but that doesn't give Danny an excuse to repeat his father's behavior. Meanwhile, Danny visits his father's tomb, and it seems as if he has a cathartic moment. However, the cross-cutting between the Muddflaps' preparation and Danny's arrival, coupled with ominous music, sends one clear message: "Danny is going to be a bad boy." The show starts, and Chris Doohan welcomes everyone to the Hard Rock. I kind of wish he said, "Hi everyone, welcome to the Hard Rock - except you, Bonaduce!" Gretchen takes the mike and proceeds to sing. Her singing isn't that great, but who cares? It's the happiest and most alive Gretchen has looked during both seasons of the show. I've given Gretchen some heat in the past, but it is good to see her looking so happy. Danny, on the other hand, looks positively miserable. He sits by himself at a tall table, and he simmers. Gretchen's done nothing wrong, and the Muddflaps aren't anywhere near her, so there's no suggestion of flirtation. But Danny starts looking at other people's drinks for no good reason. And then he proceeds to undo any progress he made during the entire two seasons. He walks right up to the bar and tells the bartender that he wants "a tall cranberry juice -- and make it sing!" First off, what the heck kind of bartender would give Danny Bonaduce alcohol? Danny Bonaduce has one of the most distinctive mugs in all of Los Angeles. Surely bartenders across the land would have a Xerox of his face by the cash register, along with the message, "Whatever you do, do not give booze to this man!" And where is the Rockabilly-Punk Intervention Team when you need them? Once Danny gets his extra-special cranberry juice, he guzzles it down like a man whose done time in the desert. As Gretchen enjoys her big moment singing with Terri Nunn of Berlin, Danny goes up to another woman and says, "I'll let you buy me a drink." So let me get this straight, he gets drunk and flirts with other women while his wife is right there on stage and able to see him? Even if that's creative editing on VH1's part, that's completely out of line. And then Danny walks out. It's not as if it would have been hard for him to sit still for an hour or so and watch his wife perform. After all his weeks of whining and moping, Gretchen lets Danny back into her bed, and this is the thanks she gets? Ah, well. At least no Muddflaps were harmed in the making of this episode. After the show, when Danny is back in the club, Gretchen senses that something is wrong and asks, "You didn't drink tonight, did you?" He kisses her, and surely she notices the special alcohol smell on his breath. Danny catches a ride with a producer. At least he's not dumb enough to try to drive home. He then starts talking like he's the center of the universe: "I'm a mortal man, and I have my weaknesses, and I pray to God that they'll go away, and I pray that I'll be forgiven." Back home, Danny is so messed up that he tries to split a precut bagel with a large knife. Nothing says, "I'm drunk out of my gourd!" more than trying to cut a precut bagel. He even has trouble putting the bagel into the toaster. Danny then speaks to Gretchen with his mouth full, and the two quickly wind up in the guest bedroom for a much-needed talk. Now, the episode makes it look as if this is Danny's first fall off the wagon since he went sober. However, remember that a Tufts University student reported that Danny was off the wagon back when he and Gretchen went to Harvard. Maybe this is just the first time that he gets caught. Next week: Danny engages in some type of commitment ceremony with Gretchen. However, a season finale isn't going to heal the damage done by his fall off the wagon. |
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