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by Caroline Roberts Published: December 10, 2006
The entire program is structured so that people who already exist somewhere between the earth and the heavens -- celebrities who aren't quite famous enough to exist entirely in dreamland and need jobs like the rest of us -- are forced to break through to the other side. Think about it. Gary Busey exists on another planet entirely. It's just his body that mingles with the rest of us. Of course, not all the celebrities take the bait, and some are flat-out skeptics, but others have allowed their otherworldliness to shine right through, like David Carradine, Picabo Street, and (of course) Gary Busey. But someone's going to take it to the next level this week! Which one of the cast members below is going to let his or her Busey Light shine? Evander Holyfield: Famed boxer who lost a chunk of his ear to Mike Tyson. Julio Iglesias Jr.: He's Julio's son, but he's not Enrique. Does that help? Wee Man: Also known as Jason Acuna, member of the Jackass posse. Debra Wilson: Former Mad TV cast member who could deliver a wicked Oprah. Nikki Ziering: Playboy babe and ex-wife of Ian "90210" Ziering. VH1 refers to this episode as the "lost pilot" that was "so profound it spawned a series" (the use of the word "profound" in the context of VH1 should engender gales of laughter). The very first Celebrity Paranormal Project crew explores a haunted commune where a druggy hippie cult leader performed a human sacrifice and then killed himself. The story is more modern than the other ones that have been presented so far, and it's a juicy one as the cult leader had a yen for young girls and lured them into his lair. It doesn't seem all that different from the other shows -- at least not at first. Since this episode is so unusual, and the winner of the Busey Award will become clear immediately, we're not going to break the show up by celebrity. Instead, we're going to follow Debra Wilson as she gets in touch with her inner Gary Busey. In the beginning, Wilson is upbeat and a little aggro. Her abundant arm tattoos make her look like a tough gal. The combo of muscles and humor makes her the black, female Joe Piscopo. She seems almost normal at first, except she keeps calling Ziering by the nickname "Momma." However, while guiding Wee Man and Ziering's mission to the Prayer Room, she gets oddly agitated just reading the instructions. The anxiety in Wilson's voice makes the already-jittery Ziering so frightened that Ziering bails out and returns to Base Camp. Wilson suffers a case of sweaty palms, and Holyfield, who's been chilling in the corner with Iglesias Jr., tells Wilson that she probably made it worse for Ziering. After the first mission, Wilson just comes off as hyper. She goes on a solo mission to the Cult Children's Room, and Iglesias Jr. says, "She's got balls to go by herself." But her facial expressions indicate she is a woman on the edge. As she sets out her ghostcatcher (a wind chime to the layperson), she begins to pray. Ziering tells Wilson to play a music box in the middle of the Children's Room. After inviting the spirits to communicate, Wilson thinks she hears breathing or scratching, and she goes right over the cliff. The shadows on her cheekbones make her seem almost skeletal. She crouches in the corner of the room and starts breathing heavily, resembling a cobra about to strike against the demons. Matters get worse when Wilson's camera and radio equipment give out. She runs back to Base Camp, all sweaty and barely able to speak. Later, Wilson and Holyfield go to the Re-Education Center. As she straps on her camera gear to the tune of action-movie music, Wilson is ranting like she's just slammed down a bucket of Red Bull: "I will never do this again ever in my entire life. So I have to complete these last two tasks. I will never speak of it ever." Holyfield listens patiently, but he seems a little freaked out. And he's been on the business end of Mike Tyson's teeth. As Wee Man guides them from Base Camp, they head to a filthy room in which Wilson must lock Holyfield's wrist into a shackle. Holyfield immediately declares, "I'm not gonna sit on this floor!" Wee Man says that's fine because it's Evander Holyfield and even Wee Man isn't crazy enough to incur Holyfield's wrath. But Wilson feels the pull of the beyond. She volunteers to go into the shackles. Holyfield leaves the building briefly, and VH1 replays Wilson's earlier statements of bravado as Wilson's face changes into one of absolute torment. Wilson and Holyfield make it back to Base Camp, and it's time to investigate the "Heart of the Haunting." But, before they can organize, Wilson starts sobbing in the corner. She appears to be dry-heaving. Holyfield is the only one brave enough to approach her, and he asks, "What's wrong? You got a cramp?" Wow, if that's a cramp, then it's the kind of cramp Midol can't cure. Wilson moans, "Get out of me! Get out of me!" She looks like she's about to vomit. Her eyes bug out of her head. Wee Man and Julio Jr. sit back and stare. Wilson proceeds to hit herself and shake her hands. It looks like a revival gone horribly wrong. When Wilson snaps out of it, she is thisclose to speaking in tongues: "The entity entered me. I could feel the anger rise, but it was more than anger, it was torture. As long as you ask for forgiveness at the last minute, and they didn't, they had forgotten to ask God because they believed they would not be forgiven. I have never felt anything like that. I AM DONE! Oh God Jesus Christ in Heaven! This isn't a place where we belong!" The team promptly skips the Heart of the Haunting and gets the heck out of dodge because it's clear that the Heart of the Haunting is somewhere inside Debra Wilson's head. Busey-o-Meter: 10 Either Wilson is an actress who deserves far more work than she's getting, she suffers from an unfathomable madness, or she really did see a ghost. Either way, the producers of this show better have cut her a large check for her troubles. Even Gary Busey himself would have to tip his hat to her. Next Week: The Bonaduces and Adrianne Curry and Christopher Knight embark on a couples Celebrity Paranormal Project. No doubt Danny will feel right at home since they'll be at Walls maximum security prison. |
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