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by Caroline Roberts Published: December 18, 2006
The beginning of the show focuses on the aftermath of Danny’s relapse. Danny admits to Dr. Garry that he had a drink, and his excuse is beyond lame: "I'm an alcoholic! It happens!" Gretchen's attitude about the incident is even worse. Gretchen says Danny’s made progress because he 'fessed up. But is it progress if Danny just proved that he’s not ready to go out and mingle with other people unless he has a drink first? It just proves that Danny needs more time to adapt to life as a sober person. To avoid the perils of the party lifestyle completely, Danny decides to commit to religion and get baptized. Gretchen thinks it's a perfect fit because "Danny loves symbolism." What on earth does that mean? Just because Danny likes to get cool tattoos doesn't mean he's ready to go with God, either. Going with God is a mighty big commitment, but Danny's track record indicates he's not a commitment kind of guy. Danny also seems to miss the point of being "born again." Being "born again" is a spiritual rebirth, a positive, joyous moment, right? But Danny sees it as a way to "kill" his old, bad self: "We can kill Danny, and he'll be born a guy who doesn't lie and cheat and take drugs!" If Danny sees his spiritual rebirth as a "killing," then perhaps he's not quite ready to let his old self go. On the bright side, his commitment to Christianity means he'll be doing some good works. He serves food to young men who are having trouble, and he talks to them about how hard it is to get off drugs. He offers them a little sympathy, a little reality, and a little hope. If Danny approached his spiritual rebirth with the same kind of honesty and bluntness he uses in front of those kids, I'd be a whole lot less skeptical toward his baptism. Just when the episode veers into dangerous territory in which a baptism seems like a legitimate treatment for addictions, Danny finally goes to visit the person he should have been spending time with all along - Jason, the captain of the Rockabilly-Punk Intervention Team! Since Danny hasn't been returning Jason's phone calls, and Jason gives him the kind of stinkeye ex-girlfriends give guys when they're trying to get back into their good graces. When Danny admits he messed up, Jason is underwhelmed: "Honestly, I already kind of knew, or I just figured you were because when I don't see you - what the hell do you think is going to happen?" When Danny sheepishly admits he's going to be born again, Jason treats his decision respectfully but with a healthy dose of skepticism: "This whole baptism thing is all good, but it ain't gonna keep you sober, dude." THANK YOU. This guy is the sanest one on the whole show. He is a better therapist than Dr. Garry. If VH1 wanted to help celebs, they should hire that guy as the resident therapist. There's nothing wrong with finding a higher power or wanting to be reborn, but a symbol of a cure - the baptism - isn't the same as an actual cure. Jason has made clear - and Danny admits it himself - that fighting addiction is a day-to-day struggle. It won't get cured with a dunking. But instead of relying on Jason, Danny and Gretchen return to Dr. Garry’s office to talk about the obstacles of Christianity. And you know what they’re most worried about? Not the difficulties of walking the straight and narrow. Not the difficulties of turning the other cheek. Not the difficulties of doing good works when you just don’t feel like it. No. They’re worried people will make fun of them. Shouldn’t that be the least of their concerns? Religion is supposed to make you stronger instead of caring that other radio-show hosts are snickering behind your backs. At this point, I truly doubt either of their sincerity when it comes to this baptism, and I find it irritating because religion shouldn’t be taken lightly. The baptism seems to be a contrived plot device that wraps up the season as tidily as possible. The rebirth of a former addict would be a strong conclusion to a scripted series, but it doesn’t work in the reality-show format because most people know that’s not the way reality works. Danny himself said, “It’s man’s nature to fall.” After a wild digression in which Danny’s doctor calls and says Danny is about to have a stroke (how convenient for such a crisis to happen before the healing baptism), Gretchen’s parents arrive to see their heathen son-in-law get reborn. The Bonaduce clan and the in-laws gather at the table for supper and make a big show of prayers. An awkward moment happens when little Dante says, “Oh my freaking God!” in front of his grandparents. But the most fascinating part of the meal is what everyone is drinking. Danny’s drinking Capri Sun, Gretchen’s mom might be drinking water, and Gretchen herself appears to be having a glass of wine. I want to think that’s grape juice, but Gretchen has imbibed alcoholic beverages in front of her husband before. It is a terrible idea to drink in front of Danny, who has just fallen off the wagon. Wouldn’t that tempt him more? Gretchen seems to be the type of person who can stop after one drink, and good for her, but living with an alcoholic changes everything. If she is in fact drinking in front of him, someone needs to convince her to give up the booze herself because she’s not helping Danny. The final minutes of the show stretch the boundaries of reality television to their breaking point. Reality television isn’t “real” – in fact, it’s more like professional wrestling in which everyone plays along with the charade, and they’re happy anyway. But Breaking Bonaduce presents itself as a documentary that follows the An American Family model. (An American Family is one of the very first “reality shows” in which PBS followed a household whose marriage was breaking up.) And that’s why Danny’s melodramatic baptism doesn’t work in the slightest. First off, it’s a Hollywood Baptism. Gretchen even brings in a makeup artist and wears a Kentucky Derby hat. (And bless little Isabella for telling her mom that the hat looks ridiculous.) The lighting is better suited to the conclusion of a sitcom than a supposed documentary. Second, it’s a little strange that Dr. Garry and Danny’s psychiatrist show up. It seems highly unlikely that a member of the medical profession would attend a baptism without echoing Jason’s caveat that religion is all well and good but it’s not going to make Danny sober. It just seems irresponsible on VH1’s part to wrap up the show so abruptly. Finally, Danny gets dunked in a beautiful swimming pool. Don’t people get baptized in rivers and lakes, not perfectly clean swimming pools? (For the record, this author got sprinkled, not dunked, but isn’t the point of a full dunking to get closer to nature and therefore closer to God?) VH1 does throw in some lame sound effects of rolling thunder to suggest that the baptism won’t be the end of Danny’s story, but the results are laughable. Now that the show is over, the audience should wish Danny and his family well. Danny said in an interview that this will be the last season, and I certainly hope so for the sake of his family. That’s just as well since VH1 has already found a replacement for Danny – actor Tom Sizemore, whose slide into oblivion included an episode when he got busted with a Whizzinator during a drug test. Let’s hope that this time VH1 is a little more realistic about how Sizemore copes with his own addictions. |
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