 |
|
| Home · Reviews · Interviews · Contests · Blog · Forums · Follow Us On Twitter |
|
by R.J. Carter Published: February 5, 2007
So once again, in honor of those brave warriors of the boardroom who pit their cunning and imagination against the each other in the name of product placement, we bring you this year's AdverBowl XLI! The rules are the same as before: to be counted as a true Super Bowl commercial, you have to get your airtime in between the coin flip and the final buzzer. So bring on your funny! Bring on your tearjerkers! Haul out your special effects, celebrity spots, and rock and roll soundtracks. Because this is Adver Bowl! With the coin flip officially occurring at 17:24 EST, the Chicago Bears take the option to receive the ball, and we can start tracking our commercials. It's a rainy night in Miami, which guarantees we're going to have a lot of time outs, a lot of cutaways, and maybe even some delays, which means we may have a boatload of ads to plow our way through. Let's do this thing. First out of the gate, we see an exploded version of the Ford F450 Superduty interlocking itself. Nice SFX, but nothing we haven't seen before. Overall, however, it manages to get its message across about the heavy duty build of the truck. One instant touchdown by the Chicago Bears' Devin Hester and some frustrated efforts by the Indianapolis Colts later, and we move into this spot from Bud Light. When two guys simultaneously reach for the same bottle, they decide to settle it with a game of "Rock, Paper, Scissors". What the one doesn't know is that you can still lose when you throw paper -- when the other guy throws a real rock. Doritos gives new meaning to the terms spicy, cheesy, crunchy, bold, and smooth in this love story that's kicked off by a fender bender. Some nice cinematic effects on this one, and a good use of bright color set against muted backgrounds to set off the product. And a note: this is a fan-made commercial! Congrats, guys, this one was a winner. And Rabbit and Hamster return, staring out the pet shop window at the Blockbuster. Isn't it a little early for re-runs already? Still, I always laugh when I see them click and drag that poor little mouse in an effort to get online. So if it's still funny now, then kudos to Blockbuster for getting the extra mile out of money already spent on development. Setting a new standard for creepy (but let's not be hasty -- we haven't seen a Burger King commercial yet!) is Ted and his beard-combover, which makes his boss question his decision-making capabilities. Opting to drink Sierra Mist Free would be a good decision, but it's too little, too late for Ted. Did you know that if you work smarter, not harder, you'll make tremendous sales, get invited to the boss's house for dinner, and get hit on by the office hottie who will want a ride in your red sports car? That's the message delivered by SalesGenie.com. Me? I'm thinking it's maybe just a little blatant. Subtlety is always king in marketing. Sierra Mist makes a quick return, as a karate class instructor sets up a hypothetical where someone tries to take your cold refreshing Sierra Mist away from you. How do you defend it? Apparently, nobody has the right answer, which makes me think maybe the producers just didn't have a conclusion in mind themselves. Toyota demonstrates how to get yourself killed in their newest Tundra, by getting from 0 to 70 in order to slip past two closing steel doors, then braking just in time to stop from going off a cliff. I guess the railroad crossing bars would have sent the wrong message. When we have our first office on the moon, there'll be a lot of things to adjust to -- floating papers, coffee that won't stay in the cup. Hey, "Nobody ever said being a pioneer was easy," right? Fortunately, FedEx will still deliver to their customers, and they'll show up in a Space 1999-like vehicle and be blasting Europe's "The Final Countdown" while they do it. Ever been in a wedding ceremony that seemed to go on, and on, and on? These guys don't want to be in one of those, and delay their getting to the Bud Light bottles at the reception. So they've hired an auctioneer to be the reverend. The plug for The Amazing Race: All Stars opens up the opportunity for me to plug for The-Trades.com. Reality shows are our bread and butter, and The Amazing Race is just one of the shows we cover extensively. So set your bookmarks to our home page, and come back again. Two guys fixing a car share a moment when one has a Snickers bar in his mouth and the other starts nibbling the other end. "Lady & The Tramp" meets "Brokeback Mountain", and the two decide to quickly do something manly -- like pull out clumps of their own chest hair. Just a brief note: If you shave with Schick blades, you'll be so smooth that you'll distract the girl working out next to you. LionsGate quietly reminds us about their upcoming movie, "Pride". Remember what I said earlier about The Amazing Race? Well, Survivor: Fiji is coming as well, and we'll be on top of that like we have been with all the other Survivor chapters. Check it out. Chevrolet has been mentioned probably more than any other make of vehicle in American music, and a medley of these songs make this cut, which includes a walk-on by Big and Rich. Nothing is more important in your "English as a Second Language" class than learning how to order a Bud Lite in the different parts of the country, whether in the deep South, Los Angeles, or the Bronx. Quiet, but subtle. Somebody check to see if the Four Horsemen are barrelling down the street, because I think I just saw David Letterman cozying up to Oprah Winfrey! I did! They're both rooting for their respective teams. No product involved, but for those who know the long-running pseudo-feud, this spot was hilarious. The folks at GoDaddy.com are becoming as much of a mainstay of Super Bowl ads as Budweiser. Their offices are the usual bunch of cubicles, except for the marketing department, which is a strip audition straight out of the Enron playbook. Gotta love the marketing guys. Coca-Cola actually debuted their GTA-like videogame commercial earlier, but it's still fun to watch as the pixel-hero goes from being a hardcore violent killer to someone who slowly changes the world around him by doing good deeds, beginning with the passing on of a bottle of Coke. A poor white mutt gets shooed away from everywhere. But the stray pooch's luck changes when he sees a dalmation riding shotgun in the fire engine of a ticker tape parade. A serendipitous splashing of mud, and he looks like a dalmation himself, earning himself a spot next to the beauty queens being carried through the parade by the Budweiser Clydesdales. Ever felt like the map is taking over your car when you travel? In this ad for Garmin, it grows to the size of Mapzilla! Fortunately, a hero with a Garmin turns into a giant armored spaceman to take it down. Ultraman himself couldn't have done better. In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the office workers panic when they're attacked. They're being ambushed! And this is the new CareerBuilder.com advertisement, something that was apparently such a big deal that the website actually bought advertisements to advertise for this advertisement. Me? I miss the monkeys, because I don't see that the ads have evolved at all. Here's good news: If you buy all the varieties of Doritos, you can flirt with the dumpy checker at the supermarket, and apparently work her up into a "When Harry Met Sally" moment. Cleanup on aisle six? And when you're done, can you scrub that whole image from my brain, please? Thanks. Don't take that brain scrubber away just yet. Because the hotties with the Chevy HHR are beset by men who want to touch their truck. So much so that they're stripping their clothes off, because they just can't keep their hands off it. Or any other part of their body, apparently. My eyes, my eyes! Steve learns that the fist-bump is out when his buddy brings him a Budweiser. Now the popular thing is the face slap. Watch everybody slap everyone around... but make sure that everybody is up to speed on the new greeting before delivering it, or you might be out of a job. BeatYourRisk.com wants you to take their quiz to see your risk of heart disease. To help you remember, they have a guy dressed up as a heart, getting attacked on the street by bad guys like High Blood Pressure, Diabetes, and other killers. When a robotic waldo drops a bolt on the assembly line, GM lets it go. Unable to find work, seeing all the GM cars driving past, it decides to end it all and jump off a bridge. Thank goodness that, for the robot, being let go by GM was only a dream. The nut of the commercial? The GM 100,000 mile warrantee program, which has everyone at GM obsessed with quality. (No former GM employees currently in layoffs are expected to go bridge diving, please.) Coca Cola gives us yet another replay, with the various styles of bottles they've used through the years, tied to memorable moments in black history. Again, seen it. Again, worthwhile anyway. 20th Century Fox runs a trailer for "Wild Hogs", the new comedy starring John Travolta, Tim Allen, Martin Lawrence, and William H. Macy. And if you'd like, you can enter our contest to win the double-sided promotional theater poster! Here's a prime example of subtlety. Sprint lampoons the ubiquitous ESD commercials with this cure for "connectile dysfunction" -- the term for inadequate broadband connections. Very nicely played. Who's winning? We all are. That's the message from Tostitos, Doritos and Lays in this very nicely done nod to the historic moment of a Super Bowl where both head coaches are African American. Okay, I'm thinking Coca-Cola has nothing new for us tonight, as they trot out yet another rerun, when elderly Mr. Hadley has a Coke for the first time, and realizes there are other things he hasn't done. And he sets out to do them. And it's time for the Super Bowl Half-Time Show, and we haven't had a superstar play yet from any of our pitchmen. The adverts kicking off the halftime call are even duller, bringing in a short reminder that, when football's over, March Madness isn't that far away. Joan Cusack is still pushing the U.S. Cellular Network. And Cargill combines an ice cream truck with a feed truck to get the animals' attention when they deliver feed bags to farmers (okay, that one was kind of cute.) But the half-time period is when the teams leave the field. There is no competing right now, and people across the country are switching channels. Which means that ads run during this time period are pretty much generating as much of a return as throwing your money into a wood stove. So this reporter is taking a halftime break himself. When the Bears and the Colts come back out, we'll rejoin them. For those interested, the Colts have managed to pull ahead of the Bears by two points, at 16-14. That didn't take long, did it? I barely noticed it pass. The players are back on the field, and once again, the AdverBowl is underway... Walt Disney Pictures kicks off the second half of AdverBowl XLI with a new trailer for March's "Meet the Robinsons". Ever feel like you're being robbed by your bank? Customers really get robbed by their bank in this commercial from E*Trade, when the manager and tellers all pull on masks and take the money from their customers who are forced to lay on the floor. This one may be a rerun, but it's the first Coca-Cola commercial I've seen tonight that could be a first run. If you've ever wondered how the interior of a vending machine works, it apparently relies on fantasy creatures who take your coin and assemble a bottle of Coke, which they send off through a Rube Goldbergian path through the North Pole before slipping it out to you. Bud Light gives us a pair of talking gorillas. One of them has worked out a plan to get them some Bud Lights from the delivery guy who follows the same route every day. But his buddy doesn't put the plan into action, having been distracted by a cute tourist with a camera. Sheryl Crow's "Not Fade Away" tour is partially a promo for Revlon's new Colorist hair product. I've got some small experience with the cosmetics industry, so... Go, Revlon, Go! The wild men of the office are back, battling each other for the promotion while armored in office equipment, as CareerBuilder.com reminds you to do more than just survive the work week. Taco Bell jumps into the fray with their Taquitos Carne. The gimmick here is that the people eating their lunch are being observed by two lions in the wild, as one tries to teach the other to roll his R's like Ricardo Montalban. But the other lion just can't get it out. My question is, which one ate the chihuahua? Reversed filmography shows us that one man's luck at shooting pool and with the women at the office all stems from his getting out of bed with a smoking hot wife and picking out a Van Heusen shirt to wear that day. The Toyota Tundra gives us another demo, this one not quite so dangerous as their last, as they pull and stop 10,000 pounds of dead weight. Finally, we get an entry with a bit of surreal humor. Robert Goulet guest stars in this Emerald Nuts commercial, messing with office workers' desks while they doze from the 3pm doldrums. But the guy with the energy has been snacking on Emerald Nuts, and that's enough to keep Robert Goulet away! Think Fed Ex Ground isn't fast, because it's "Ground"? You can't judge things by their names, apparently, say hairy Harry, leaning Eileen, giggly Joy, and head-bobbing Bob. Just agree with the jowlish Mr. Turkeyneck, and you'll get by fine in this office setting. And we're up to the highly touted and extremely controversial Kevin Federline commercial for Nationwide annuities. Here, K-Fed is daydreaming about being a hip-hop star, but we see he's actually working in a fast food burger joint, having the guts to spoof himself and his split from Britney Spears just to give a deeper meaning to the "Life Comes at You Fast" slogan. This was enough to get the fast food reps worked up into a lather, because they saw the ad as an insult to fast food workers. Right. We all aspire to someday work the shake machine. Let's be realistic -- some jobs are better than others. Bud Light takes a cue from "The Hitcher" as a young couple see a hitchhiker with a case of Bud Light... and an axe. Should they pick him up? Sure! The axe is just a bottle opener, he says. But even he's a bit concerned about the guy further up the road, with a case of Bud Light... and a chainsaw! Of course, why pick up a hitchhiker just because he's got a case of Bud? Are you planning to drink it in the car? Or maybe I'm just overthinking this one. Four guys, three Budweiser beers. Someone's going to get left out. Fortunately, there's Walter the squirrel to make sure the odd man out doesn't steal the other guy's beer. And he can't be bribed with nachos. Attack squirrels always equal funny! Budweiser stretches for the funny with this commercial in which crabs make off with a cooler full of Bud. Why? Because it's silhouette looks like a giant crab god to them. Ooo-kay. Rocks can do a lot of different things, and Prudential walks you through all of them, before telling you what the rock can do for you financially. Low on visuals, Honda licenses Elvis Presley's "Burning Love" to pimp the new Honda CR-V, touting it as something new to crave. The ad is almost too simple, however, and may be something new to forget about around the water cooler tomorrow. The computer is personal again, says HP. In this newest spot of the series, the Orange County Chopper guys show us what they do with their PC. Golfing and kayaking? In the snow and at the beach? This commercial has Izod written all over it. Nice graphics, but it's such a mish-mash of all-season images that it was too hard to follow. Budweiser Select is the drink of the future of football -- which apparently will be played much like chess, in this high-tech view of a computerized table-top holographic game. Good feel to this one, with a nice bit of banter between the two rivals. Flomax -- a pill for guys who make too many trips to the bathroom. Like guys who've been drinking too many beers while trying to type up every ad during the Super Bowl. I'm not going canoeing, but pass me one of those anyway. What can you do with one finger? Everything from save Holland to identify a murderer. Even reallocate your savings -- E*Trade shows you how. So show your expensive stock broker where to go. Okay, that one requires a special finger. The Weinstein Company gives us a peek at "Hannibal Rising", the secret origin of Hannibal Lecter. CareerBuilder.com once again urges us to do more than survive the work week, as we see the tortures inflicted during performance reviews in the jungle. After a handful of these Survivor meets Dilbert ads, can we finally say they're just not working? Apparently you can drive rings around the gas pumps if you drive a Honda. Snapple's Green Tea's has EGCG in it. But what is EGCG? One determined young man treks to China to find out. "It's an anti-oxidant that helps boost metabolism," says the monk atop the mountain. How'd he know that? Duh. It's on the back of the bottle! So there you have it. Which ones will you be talking about tomorrow at work? Will you even be talking about any of them at all? Maybe it's just me, but it seems the ads just didn't live up to the hype this year. It was almost enough to make me watch football. (And if you were keeping score on that half the show, it was the Colts over the Bears, 29-17.) |
|||||||||||||||||||||||
| Copyright © 1997-2010 Burlee LLC. All rights reserved. | Reprints | Privacy Policy | Disclosure | About Us/Contact Us | RSS Feed |