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by R.J. Carter Published: August 26, 2007
Aftermath: Via better camera angles, we see the Donatos roll their eyes as we replay Jen's speech about being an honest player not fitting in with the rest of them. (Did someone hear Diogenes knocking at the door?) In the Diary Room, Dick emits a "Woo Hoo! It's about time." He goes on to say, "I've hated this girl from the moment I've walked into this house," and then refers to her eviction as the removal of a cancer. Yeah, keep sucking on those rolled up bits of burning leaves and you'll find out what that's really like. Highlighted in Jen's eviction is Amber calling out to remind Jen to tell Dustin something for Amber, and Jen replying, "Don't forget to tell Jess." This portends ominous things for Jessica and Eric's sho-mance. (There's a dash in it, so it's a totally different word.) After Dick directs a round of applause at Jen's removal -- noting that this is the first time someone's been evicted that hasn't made Amber cry, we see Jessica win the Head of Household again. Eric is overjoyed at her victory, and Dick thinks it's a great day as he believes he and Daniele are safe another week because of the Gang of Four alliance. Zach, Jameka and Daniele also feel safe. Meanwhile, Amber amends her promise from God that she would win with a sub-prayer that if she didn't win, then hopefully Jessica would. So apparently the whole household thinks that Jessica is going to nominate... Jessica and Julie Chen? Because there's nobody else left. In their room, Amber goes to Jameka to tell her how weird it was that God answered her "cover the bases" prayer to let Jessica get HoH if she wasn't meant to get it herself. Amber then says that she has endurance, and a good shot at winning the game. She DRs that Jessica and Eric are playing both sides. No honey, they're just playing you. Her instincts are telling her that Jessica will put up Dick and Daniele. Didn't someone once define insanity as doing the same thing the same way all the time and expecting different results? And yet Amber still goes with the instincts that have served her so well in the past. Seven Minutes in Heaven, Big Brother Style Eric asks Jessica a hypothetical question. If she won 30 minutes of camera free time with Eric, would she (a) spend it making strategy that no one could see, (b) get nekkid and make out, or (c) spend 20 minutes agonizing over what to do and then spend the last five kissing? Jessica says that it can't be (a) because she already talks strategy with him on camera. "Definitely (b) for sure," she says. Eric is stuttering. He says that he'd probably have picked (c) and tells us in the Diary Room the painfully obvious fact that he has no game with women. However, his competition in the house are the Ogre (meaning Zach) and the 44-year-old Pervert (meaning Dick) so, by comparison, he's the best thing in the house. Jessica brings him back to earth, though, when she says Big Brother will never give them off-camera time, so Eric suggests they talk about their on-camera options, because he's ready to have some fun tonight. HoH Room There are pictures of Jessica and her puppy, as well as pictures of Jessica an her college dance team. (That's a fancy educated word for "cheerleading squad." Dick says the outfits are horrible, and DRs that the cheerleaders were ugly even though Jessica is a cute girl. Among Jessica's stock of booty is a pink t-shirt with the word BOOYAH! emblazoned on it. We learn that this is her father's favorite term of excitement. She Said He Said She Said Jessica goes to Amber to ask about Jen's cryptic parting shot. According to Amber, which she heard from Jen (who supposedly heard from Eric), Eric has an outside girlfriend named Cheryl, and he's acting like he doesn't. Jessica quite cannily points out that, if this were true, why would Eric tell Jen this and not her? Just then, Eric walks in, followed by Dick. Dick asks about the secret code messages, and suddenly Amber's gone all amnesiac. She has no idea what Jen meant -- she was probably just trying to drop a controversy bomb on her way out. That satisfies Dick, who swallows it and leaves, leaving Eric behind. Then Amber pulls Eric into the real conversation. "What a bitch," Eric says upon hearing it. Jessica DRs that the story did leave her a little bothered, so she's going to watch out for Eric. Eric first goes to Amber in the backyard. "The basic problem with Jen was that she thought she knew everything, but she didn't," he begins. He tells her the relationship with Cheryl is an on-again/off-again kind of thing, and he's not eager to call it anything. He says he's tried not to cross any lines in either direction. Well, if Cheryl's been watching, I can pretty much guarantee you don't have to worry about the status of that relationship. (Hey, maybe Cheryl can go have a good time with Kris, Daniele's outside pre-Nick boyfriend? They already would have one thing in common: "Big Brother Destroyed My Relationship." Then Eric goes to the HoH room to finish damage control with Jessica, asking her if she's bothered by what Jen said through Amber. Again, he refers to the relationship with Cheryl as an up/down thing. Jessica DRs that if Eric is choosing to mess up his relationship by his actions in the house, that's entirely his business. Somebody, quick, start playing "Homewrecker." Paging Doctor Phil McGraw Daniele is sitting with her dad, and she doesn't want to eat. He asks her if she took her vitamins. (I wonder if he also asks her if she brushed her teeth before going to bed, and checks that she washes her hands before dinner?) Then she's outside complaining about bug bites, and he tells her not to pick them. Daniele DRs that she's never viewed Dick as a parent, and still doesn't. She then tells Zach that Dick is really getting on her nerves, "trying to be all parent-y and stuff," she says. I'm not sure which word reflects her intellect more, "parent-y" or "and stuff." She concludes that, "I'm an adult. I'm so over it." Because, you know, those are, whatever, words that, like, adults use, y'know? For sure. In the HoH room, Daniele and Dick are watching the monitor, and Dick asks her why she's so impatient with him. She immediately responds with, "I'm not," and I have no idea how to type the inflection of her whine, so just know it's there. He calmly asks her if there's a problem, if there's anything she wants to talk about. He presses when she says there isn't, and she goes off. "I'm sick of everybody in this house. I'm sick of you farting all the time. I'm sick of your rude comments. I'm sick of you trying to parent me." Okay, so it's everybody in the house that she's sick of, but the three examples she gave to back it up are all directed at daddy. So basically she's just sick of him. He gives her her space and leaves. Later, as she's sulking in the kitchen, he talks to her again. As is typical for the California Whine Country Princess, she doesn't look at him when he talks. Dick finally asks her if she's ever taken any responsibility for the breakup of their relationship, and she says that she's done so lots of times. He then says she hasn't done it once, and apologizes if the home he made wasn't a great one but says that at least he never left, he was always there for her. Daniele disagrees, to say the least. She says he doesn't see things the way she does (i.e. petulantly spoiled.) She doesn't think he's alway sbeen there, and he says she's the one who always left. Which she does now by heading upstairs. An amazing exchange in the house between Dick and a female which left the senior Donato actually looking like Fred McMurray. That takes some doing, but Daniele has achieved it. The exchange is overheard in the HoH room, where Eric and Jessica are snuggling. Jessica asks Eric whether the Donato dueling is real or fake, and Eric says that it's all fake. I'm siding with the other four dentists in this survey. Later, Jameka goes to the HoH room to plead for her safety. Jessica says there aren't many threats, and Jameka suggests she put up the Donatos. Jessica is all, "Gosh, can you see me putting them both up again?" She can't put them up and risk them both staying the way they did last time, so if she does it she's going to have to make sure that it sticks. She says she won't put Jameka up, and Jameka tells her that Daniele is the bigger threat of the two Donatos. Jessica seems to be thinking of a workable solution to get Daniele out. Luxury Competition Finally this season's luxury competition has arrived. Jessica got to pick sides, so she's decided it'll be girls vs. boys. The houseguests suit up, the boys in blue, the girls in yellow, and head out to the back yard. There are two giant spigots pumping out soap bubbles. The game is this: inside all of the clothing they're wearing are letters. The teams have to strip off their clothes and spell three words that have come up during competitions this season. Boy, it's a handy thing that Jessica split the teams up by gender, or this could have become really awkward. The girls are immediately nervous at the thought of getting nekkid, but the guys are all for it. Amber worries about what her boyfriend at home will think, and Daniele DRs that aside from being "conservative" there's the added pressure of her dad being there. Just what Daniele needs -- another reason to seek therapy. Fortunately, there's a dividing wall between the two teams, so they won't see each other undressing. At least, they're not supposed to. There's a lot of camera blurring, and a worried Amber didn't waste any time stripping down to her birthday suit. Dick says he caught a glimpse of Amber by accident and is probably scarred for life. Eric, on the other hand, says that all eyes on the guys' team were "dead ahead" looking at the arranged letters of their clothing. The nekkid girls quickly spell out UNITARD. Eric has spelled out GOAT. GOAT? What's that got to do with Big Brother? Dick shakes his head and rearranges it to TOGA, but not bfore the girls do the same. The guys are dumbfounded. Scrabble is obviously not their game. The girls finally figure out the last word, after a mad dash looking for the missing letter. It's BUNNYSUITS. So there are happy, screaming, nekkid girls jumping up and down and having soapy slippery fun. That's good television. And yes, I know it's "naked", not "nekkid." I subscribe to the Jeff Foxworthy definition. Naked means you have no clothes on. Nekkid means you have no clothes on, and you're up to something. As to how the girls felt about the competition after it was over, Jameka says that with everything "waving, flopping" the experience was "liberating." Since the girls won, they have two minutes to run into the house and put on as many of the designer clothes they can. They can keep what they're wearing after two minutes. Jessica doesn't even look at the clothes, declaring she'll decide later. They're all just sticking their heads through the necks of tops and letting them stack up around their shoulders. Amber DRs that she's "not as small as she looks," and while my wife was Heimliching the popcorn out of my windpipe, I think Amber was looking for smaller sizes while Jameka was looking at price tags. When it's all done, the girls all look like bag ladies on Rodeo Drive. America's Next Top Model Trainwreck? As Amber blowdries her hair, Jameka tells her that someday she'll be a model on a magazine cover. Amber thinks that maybe she could be the next Top Model -- she's got the hair and the face (which she is currently shoving full of food.) And Big Brother is going out of their way to provide a clip show of all the best of the worst of Amber, in unflattering poses. Jameka continues to feed the dream, though. "You deserve it, babe." America's Puppet Agent Am-Eric-a finds out that we want him to push for Amber to be nominated. He virtually guarantees her nomination. (By the way, who's keeping score of Eric's accomplishments and how much he's earned for completed tasks?) Eric tells Jessica that nominating Amber is the easiest nomination to get away with, because he doesn't think that Amber really likes them or finds them trustworthy. (Well, if she did, I guess she wouldn't later, would she?) He also says that it breaks up the frighteningly powerful team of Jameka and Amber. We also learn the choices for Eric's next assignment. "It's time for Eric to take a relationship to the next level." That means he has to kiss whomever we tell him to, and all the houseguests are available targets. Okay, I think it would be hilarious to vote to have Eric kiss Zach. And I know that Jessica is the obvious and easy target, but think about this: if he actually does kiss Jessica and we also vote that way, Jessica will later see the footage in real life and begin questioning if he did it because he liked her or because he was a puppet in the game. But if he kisses Dick or Zach, then she'll know her own kiss was real. Does that make sense?
Jessica explains the rules, because every episode of Big Brother is always somebody's first episode. Amber is nervous, but says she'd rather be nominated than backdoored (and she says that like she knows what both words mean.) Daniele says she's been nervous at every nomination ceremony since the first week, and there have been lots of lies in the house before, so why not again? Zach thinks Jessica is "a pretty smart cookie" and imagines he's in the clear. Jessica, meanwhile, says she has the opportunity to put up two folks she doesn't personally feel threatened by. With only four keys to pull, it's a short ceremony. Jessica pulls out Eric's key, which is then followed by Danieles, Jameka's, and Dick's. Zach and Amber are the nominees this week. Jessica says something that basically amounts to both Zach and Amber floating through the competitions. Diary Room Backwash: Zach: I'm shocked... I've got to work this week. Jessica: Eric and Jameka I'm close with. I'm also close with Dick and Daniele and don't feel a need to take them out. Amber: Hey God, it's me. (Margaret? Oh, it's you, Amber. What is it now?) I don't want you to think I'm doubting you... God bless You, and help me be strong. Uhm... Did Amber just ask God to bless Himself? Previous Recaps: August 23: Bratty Behavior Okay? Au Contraire, Au Pair! August 21: Jameka's Got Religion, Amber's Had a Vision, Daniele's Made a Decision, and Jen Gets Derision August 19: Amber the Mock Turtle Gets Schooled in Vocabulary August 16: A Pawn Can Become a Queen -- And Apparently Vice-Versa! August 14: Dustin Swallows, But Dick Handles His Balls Better August 12: The Gospel According to Sainte Gangsta August 9: Semitic Semantics From Shikse Shmok, Censored by CBS, Ain't Shpasik! August 7: Blood Will Out as Daniele Becomes Her Father's Daughter August 5: Fowl! Fan Flies in the Face of America's Fun! August 2: Dick Teas! July 31: In Which God Switches Alliances... For a Dollar July 29: Let Flow My Tears July 26: So Here's to You, Mrs. Robinson -- Your Housemates Fear You Less Than They Fear Mike July 24: In Which Many Players Believe Dick Lives Up To His Name July 22: Fun With Dick and Jen (and Kail) July 19: "Vindication, Baby!" July 17: Is Daniele the Second Coming of Janelle? July 15: Got No Style, Got No Flair, But She's There -- And Yes, We Mean the Nanny! July 12: First Eviction, and the Nanny Takes Charge July 10: Ready or Not, Here Comes the Golden Power of Veto July 8: Nominations Come From Mrs. Robinson and the Spirit of Fairness. Goo Goo Ga Joo! July 5: We Have Met the Enemy, and He is Us! |
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