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Release Date: October 30, 2007 Label: Jive Records Related Sites: · Official Site · Celebrity Spider: Britney Spears Grade: C+

She has gone from jailbait to "woman most likely to be a future jail occupant," and Britney Spears presents a seriously out-of-touch-with-reality veneer of sexual abandon on Blackout, her fifth studio album and first original material in three years, since a trio of new songs graced her Greatest Hits: My Prerogative collection in 2004. While it's tempting to characterize this new set as a train-wreck every bit as destructive as her personal life, the overriding impression I got from this album was, "it's the best production money can buy."

Her abundant quality time in clubs has apparently engendered an affection for dance music. That's all you get on Blackout... music to keep you dancing until you, well, blackout. Buoyed by the opening single, "Gimme More," which recently peaked at #3, there is obviously an audience out there for mindless dance-ready fare, and Spears is tapping into it. To be sure, the appeal also comes from the car-crash curious, as her sleepwalking performance of the song ("The Death of the MTV Video Music Awards") couldn't possibly have piqued interest in it on its own.

Stealing from Madonna's playbook. Britney Spears is intent on offending Catholics -- for some reason -- with inflammatory "confessional" photos in the CD booklet.

Really, Britney's presence on the album isn't even necessary and, in fact, most of the tunes would be better without her. Never have I looked so forward to Blackout - The Dub Version, where I can dance to the beat without the whiny, overly-processed vocals. As it is, we're treated to lyrics that are way too self-referential, as if Britney believes she is still the center of the universe, and that her sex kitten act is at all believable. "Touch me and I come alive/I can feel you on my lips/I can feel you deep inside" she coos on the Kara DioGuardi number "Ooh Ooh Baby," and "Baby I'm just hot for taking/Don't you wanna see my body naked" she intones on "Perfect Lover." I'm not sure whether to yawn, or wretch.

It's telling that two of the songs which touch upon her relationship with Kevin Federline are written by outside observers. "Why Should I Be Sad?" by Pharrell Williams is the album's only attempt at anything approaching R&B, but the tune's marital lament ("They couldn’t believe I did it/But I was so committed/My life was so restricted for you/I just dove inside it blind/Couldn't see the sudden signs") is weighed down by Britney's mediocre elocution. Likewise, "Toy Solider" finds the troubled singer delivering her most churlish and annoying vocals to a "rat-a-tat" beat bemoaning inadequacies of a former lover ("This time I need a soldier/A really bad ass soldier/That know how to take, take care of me /I'm so damn glad that's over"). This one was written and produced by Bloodshy & Avant (architects of In the Zone's big hit "Toxic") and they also contribute Britney's most direct personal assault on her media image on "Piece of Me":

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I’m Miss American Dream since I was 17
Don’t matter if I step on the scene
Or sneak away to the Philippines
There still gon' be pictures of my derrière in the magazine
You want a piece of me?
You want a piece of me...

I’m Miss bad media karma
Another day another drama
Guess I can’t see no harm
In working and being a mama
And with a kid on my arm
I’m still an exceptional earner
And you want a piece of me

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Besides "Ooh Ooh Baby" (I'm guessing she kicked in the giggling intro), her only other co-writing credit comes not-surprisingly on the pole-dance anthem "Freakshow." How it took six people to write this thing is beyond my understanding, but Britney manages to channel Gwen Stefani at her trashiest. Throw in a little crunk ("Break the Ice"), electro-soul ("Hot as Ice") and Euro-disco ("Heaven On Earth") and you pretty much have the complete dance package.

Upon first background listen, the tracks all sounded like "Boys" (the fourth single from Britney) to me, which -- come to think of it -- was the last time I really paid any close attention to her music. She seems a world removed from the exuberant dancer I encountered when I saw her on tour after Oops!... I Did It Again released, with relatively restrained eroticism and a feeling that the music still mattered to her. I don't get that impression with Blackout, but sense that Britney is manufacturing antagonism merely for the shock value, and really doesn't give a shit about any artistic merit. The songs should be sexy, but I guess once you've flashed your crazy monkey in public, the mystery is gone. In contrast to the bubble-gum pop of ...Baby One More Time she has come a long way -- when you think about it -- in parlaying minimal talent into a lasting career, despite her valiant efforts to scuttle it through the circus that has become her personal life.

Who knew losing her virginity to Justin Timberlake would have such a detrimental impact on her psyche? I thought she was robbed when Christina Aguilera won the Grammy Award for Best New Artist for 2000. When you look back on it, though, Aguilera went through her gleefully-describing-her-pierced-vagina period, but seems to have recovered to forge a viable career that easily out-classes Britney at this point. Regarding Blackout, I would love to rip it a new one, but the truth is it definitely has a beat, and you can dance to it. Production can cover an exorbitant amount of inadequacy, and this album is a textbook example of how that can be done. Never mind that it makes Paris Hilton's efforts as a musician seem positively unproduced, Blackout is eminently groove-worthy while at the same time succeeding in being utterly disposable.