A Dose of Reality: Celebrity Apprentice - Episode 01: Top Dawgs Selling Hot Dogs?
by Andrea Maclam
Published: January 6, 2008
Well, after the disappointment of last season's The Apprentice, I was praying that "The Donald" would decide that enough was enough. But, like all flagging reality shows, he decided that the power of celebrity would save this franchise. Obviously, some of the celebrities that signed on decided that it would be a good shot at saving their slowly dissipating careers as well.
Signed on for this special project we have for the women: Season One The Apprentice reject (and super bitch) Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth, Olympic softball-er Jennie Finch, supermodel Carol Alt, Playboy Playmate of the Year (for which one I can't remember) Tiffany Fallon (pray for the poor girl that she's no relation to Jimmy), uber-gymnast Nadia Comaneci, Taxi star Marilu Henner, and botox addicted producer Nely Galán. A relatively good looking cast of females, but this year, I'm definitely rooting for the opposite sex. And who wouldn't with a line up like this?
We have still-yummy-after-all-these-years Stephen Baldwin, fighters Tito Ortiz and Lennox Lewis (ladies keep the drooling to a minimum 'cuz I'm not done yet), Sopranos "Big Pussy" himself Vincent Pastore (so not so drool-able but still a cuddly bear), the 6'6" tall drink of gorgeous country superstar from Louisiana Trace Adkins, America's Got Talent's version of Simon Cowell, Piers Morgan, and last, but certainly not least, Rock God (and business man extraordinaire) Gene Simmons. HELLO.
It's good to know that while some of these men and women are playing to try and re-vitalize their career, it's not just for selfish means. They are playing for their chosen charities, and we all know that Donald is all for anything that makes himself look good in the eyes of the public, because it's also good for business, and that is what Trump is all about. He can try kidding himself that he's an ultimate humanitarian, but we all know the truth. And hey, as long as the charities can benefit, I personally don't care how much he pumps his businesses.
After some idle chit-chat (I'm assuming because my car broke down on my way home and I missed the beginning of the show), we move on to the challenge, which fortunately, I arrived just in the nick of time to see in the planning stages.
Men V. Women. Hydra v. Empresario. Testosterone v. estrogen - the ultimate battle that has been ensuing since time began. The challenge? To take to the streets of New York and sell hot dogs to the general public. An interesting task to say the least.
Empresario chose the experienced Omarosa to be their project manager on this first task, despite Nely throwing her "pirate" hat into the ring. The main arguments started when they were talking strategy. Tiffany thought it might be better to use their celebrity to their advantage, while Omarosa, with that snarky condescending attitude we've all come to expect, decided against it. Score one for the PM on this as she got her way. Their campaign wasn't much of one, with "uniforms" of cute t-shirts and hats. UMMM, hello ladies? You have a PLAYMATE of the year on your team - did you not think that bikini's might have been better (at least for Tiffany?). Geez, and Omarosa thinks she's a genius. With Carol - the resident New Yorker - bringing them around for location selection, they chose a little used corner in the tourist section of town. Only Merilu seemed to totally understand the point of the task, and made a few phone calls, using her celebrity status to her advantage (despite what Omarosa wanted) and selling two hot dogs at $5000 each.
Over at Hydra, the men chose Stephen as their PM for this task. Much to my surprise, he seems to actually know what he's doing when it comes to business. The men chose the celebrity advantage that the ladies so carelessly tossed aside when they decided to follow Omarosa. Using their celebrity to their advantage in every way possible, the men hit their blackberries (Tito had some poster-board thing happening that looked like it was right out of high school). Fortunately, his biggest asset had a great set of assets herself - his girlfriend, adult film star extraordinaire Jenna Jamison, came down to help the cause. Unfortunately, her money must be tied up in - well something - because she could only afford $200 for a hot dog. But the location was absolutely prime. You won't find more money men anywhere in the world than at the heart of NYC - Rockefeller Center. I believe Gene came up with the location, and even had he said The Village, I still think they would have done amazingly well.
In the boardroom, the results are in - Empresario pulled in $17,038 in sales (thanks to the resourceful Marilu). But Hydra crushed them with sales of $52,286. As Stephen was the PM on this task, all money raised went to his charity for breast cancer research. The men are then dismissed to go watch the firing process from their own "war" room - which is a nice little twist.
Omarosa goes on the defensive, immediately targeting Tiffany for not using her biggest asset (next to her body) which was Hugh Hefner. Donald takes her to task for that as well. It was also noted that when you have hard bodies like Tiffany, Jennie and Carol around, to NOT use that to your advantage was simply ludicrous. Omarosa defended that decision by citing the ripping she received in the first season about using sex to sell. She also mentioned that she felt the task was more about the product than the sales people. Location also proved to be a disaster, as the tourist section of the city might yield $20 possibly from the average person, but they needed to be in an area where the money was. Carol was also berated for the choice of location - being the native girl and all. No one is surprised when Omarosa brings both the ladies back with her.
In short, Tiffany really screwed it for herself by NOT calling Hugh for this. She stated that she was following Omarosa's directive and NOT using her celebrity. She also wanted to save that favor for a future, bigger task. Ivanka pointed out that there may NOT be one in her future, and she was right. Despite Omarosa being a condescending bitch who had no idea how to run this task, Tiffany wound up being the first casualty of the season.
I must admit, I'm looking forward to this season a lot more, mainly I think because I've seen almost every episode of Gene's reality series and I like the way this man thinks. I can't wait to see what Hydra is going to do next. If this episode is any indication, it's going to be a guy winning this, and the ladies team will be whittled away one by one.
See y'all next week.